Kate Moss went to Glastonbury in a pair of wellies once; wellies hit centre stage as a fashion accessory and now you can buy spotted wellies, striped wellies, flowery wellies, every sort of wellie you care to mention, ‘cos obviously you couldn’t possibly go to Glastonbury without wellies – that is what they mean by a ‘fashion leader’.
Kate is leading the way in a new fashion now. ‘Stuff dinner’ she said, and the world followed suit.
Not anorexia, but taxidermy. Elle Kaye is giving master classes in oh-so-fashionable Borough in how to strip your dinner (sourced from an ecologically correct free-range ‘wild rabbit’ farm, naturally – ‘wild’, ‘farm’, er?) of its fur coat, and turn it into a heap of cotton wool stuffed rabbit fur whilst its innards slowly simmer on the hob. It’s the new ‘cool’, and the London Taxidermy Academy will gladly teach you the ‘knowledge’. Hurry, the Mouse and Gerbil masterclass has just been reduced to £60, it’s on special offer…
A special mention is due for the enterprising husband who commissioned Elle to turn the family’s pet gophers into a pair of slippers for his (presumably) size 3 footed wife…now there’s a Christmas present to remember.
And why not? Did you love, tend and feed that back leg of a cow currently adorning your left foot? No, well pipe down then.
Talking of free range, a mention for free range hens. We pay eggstra for their eggs, we extoll the virtues of letting them run around – so why the disquiet over an ancient British tradition – that of ‘Chicken Racing’? There were dark mutterings of fowl play at the 25th Annual World Championship Hen Racing event on Saturday. Not all amateurs it appears. The poultry park ferme lauded a three year old Rhode Island Red called Road Runner; a steward’s inquiry is underway, it seems that professional enhancement might have been utilised. It’s called ‘positive behaviour enhancement’, something that has long been used on humans, but is to be despised when applied to Henrietta.
Why not Hen Party racing? Just put that worm in a bottle of Tequilla and they’re off…
We don’t like Puppy Farms either; we like an individual breeder, preferably one with well cared for pets of her own. We wait expectantly for the birthing day, and then we go along and pick out of the litter the one with the brightest eyes, the cutest markings, the loudest bark; pay the bill and off we go – dog and happy owner, basking in the praise accorded to the owner of a sleek pedigree dog. Do we give a thought to the trauma suffered by Bonzo”s brothers and sisters at being parted? Do we agonise over the runt of the litter? Nope.
Yet transfer the process to humans (and I have yet to hear anyone refer to ‘sanctity of life’ as being ‘sanctity of human life’) and we have international outrage.
Pattaramon Chanbua is the Thai girl who belongs to that breed described as ‘selfless women bringing hope to the childless’. She was hired as a baby breeder by an Australian couple for £8,000. She had two kids of her own, so they knew she could produce a good litter. None the less, they insisted on a scan at four months – pretty much the same process we apply to sheep. One of the litter was noted to be sub-standard, and Pattaramon was commanded to abort that foetus. ‘Nope’ she said, ‘I might sell children to unknown foreigners that I’ve never even met, but I don’t kill them, one has standards you know’.
‘OK, have it your way’, said the Australian couple – but when birthing day came around, they picked the one with the brightest eyes, the cutest markings, and left Pattaramon with the runt of the litter. The world is outraged.
‘The world’ has raised £100,000, in order to give baby-reject the medical treatment that Down’s children across the world all urgently need – but don’t get. The world ‘is appalled’; not that a married woman with two children should think it reasonable to raise a litter for unknown foreigners just for the moolah (we’ll have no emotive guff about ‘my sister couldn’t have children’ or ‘my selfless Mother’); nor that it is common practice to quietly abort a baby on the grounds of Down’s syndrome; nope, the world is appalled that two people paid to have what they wanted from someone who was prepared to give them what they wanted for the cash and then didn’t take the runt of the litter into the bargain.
How appalled would ‘the world’ have been if the Australian couple had said ‘Goody, we’ll take the Down’s syndrome one, a lifetime of social security benefits ahead of us’ – and left Pattaramon with the ‘perfect’ kid. Would we be hearing of how ‘truly dreadful’ it was to split the litter up then? How ‘appalled’ would the world have been had Pattaramon agreed to that abortion?
India provides residential hostels where white eggs can be fertilised by white sperm and incubated in ‘disease-free, psychiatrically tested’ dark skinned Indian girls for eventual delivery to California’s new breed of ‘gay marrieds’ who naturally can’t have children, no matter how many laws we change. But we don’t turn a hair at these baby farms.
Israel, which cheerfully grants citizenship to anybody prepared to prove that they’ve had their penis docked for religious reasons is drawing the line at 65 so far ‘undocked’ Thai babies male-ordered by gay couples in Israel. Their multiple Fathers are organising a ‘Bring Our Babies home‘ demonstration so that they can have a mass genital mutilation ceremony.
Moral relativism, it’s a minefield isn’t it?