Nod, nod, nodding… something familiar there, isn’t there? NODDY! Quick! Find me the number of Tessie Bear. He must have had her in the back of his taxi sometime! She’s got to have a story to tell. And the one with the hairdo? And the air brakes. Yeah! Whoopsy Big Ears! Gotta be something fishy there. Can we dig up Enid Blyton too, while we’re at it? She’s got a lot to answer for. A whole generation corrupted beyond measure

I’ll have the boys in blue shouting ‘Stop in the name of the Plod!’ before the week is out. Or my name isn’t Sly Gobbo (Ed: can’t we change the pseudonym stage name? How about More Wittering Tosh? Sounds more Ant and Dec’ish and will go down better with the X Factor watching ratings group)

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