Eh bah gum! The British media know how to stoke the bonfire of fear that we keep warm by in these days of ‘fuel poverty’…
Ta Ra! I give you ghostly hulks of Russian cruise ship – not just full of rats, but cannibal rats no less – that could creep up a flooded stream near you, woooo, by tomorrow night.
Shiver in your shoes, oh infantilised population, alien spaceships may have been debunked (despite numerous credible victims giving corroborative evidence!) 27 out of every 3 children being abducted by the age of five, (probably NSPCC figures…) and 4 disc jockeys still at large, the media have new nightmares for you.
The hulk of the Lyubov Orlova is out to get you….investigative journalists are scrabbling for the facts – all over the internet. The Irish coastguards are ‘on the look out’ for her (and may have a long wait, as this helpful update from the register of missing vessels shows….)
That red square is the last reported sighting of her, 24 days ago – and that is the North Sea not the Irish sea….
The ‘Irish’ connection may have come from a comment on the ‘where is orlova.com‘ site:
The truth is that this ship is now only disguised as a hulk.
In fact it is owned and operated by NSA and GCHQ as a spy ship and floating submarine base.
Seal Team 69 operates from it together with the new SQUAT operation which is tasked to eliminate threats to truth.
The current operation, BLOKS, involves the ship secretly drifting up on the Irish coast to exfiltrate a team of Leprechauns who have been operating there since 1923.
We can’t expect our investigative journalists to be able to separate obvious fiction from fact, now can we……
But all is not lost, and Twitter could help here. A few well placed comments such as the above suggesting that wide eyed innocent children may be aboard, along with a gang of dangerous paedophiles and we could start a stampede to board the Lyubov Orlova…Martin Brunt breathlessly reporting from the port side, MWT with an ITV crew on the starboard side – and the cannibal rats licking their lips.
That delicious thought will easily sustain me for the rest of the day.
Does anybody know how long it takes for one cannibal rat to consume an entire semi-human? Google has let me down for once.