My special friend Gildas the Monk has been feeling a bit down lately. So here is a special recipe which revives him when the cares and woes of the world seem to be getting on top of him. It is a recipe which is best cooked on a Sunday.
For this recipe you will need one male, marinaded in stressful and unsatisfactory work conditions and alcohol for about 25 years.
First, remove the male from packaging (i.e. his” business suit”) and cut away the mobile phone and any other mobile communication device.
Wrap the male in comfy and warm baggy track suit and comfortable and suitable shoes for jogging. When it comes to track suits, I recommend the ex German army sweat pants I picked up for a song at the army and navy surplus store on the way out of Hereford (read into that what you will) but whatever is most comfortable is the most important thing.
Place the male in a reasonably flat beauty spot and allow the male to walk or possibly jog steadily around the beauty spot for about 30 – 40 minutes until tender, basting regularly with autumn sunshine and showers in about equal measure. Allow the male to cool down for about 15 – 20 minutes.
Remove the male from the beauty spot and place it in a hot tub. Simmer the male for about 30 minutes, accompanied by appropriately relaxing music available from classic FM. But do be careful not to allow the male to boil. Garnish with a rubber duck and a pirate ship or whatever comes to hand.
Next, dry the male and dress it in its most comfortable clothes, especially that sweater or cardigan with the holes in that should have been thrown out years ago, and the tatty cords.
Allow the male to rest undisturbed for a while with the Sunday papers and add another glass of wine.
Then stuff the male with a full roast with all the trimmings. Apply liberal quantities of wine again.
Finally, allow the male to rest. Possibly with the aid of a classic film such as The Guns of Navarone, Escape to Victory or The Italian Job.
The male is now ready for serving.
In love and light,
Sister Eva Longoria