How to cook a man – a recipe for contentment
My special friend Gildas the Monk has been feeling a bit down lately. So here is a special recipe which revives him when the cares and woes of the world seem to be getting on top of him. It is a recipe which is best cooked on a Sunday.
For this recipe you will need one male, marinaded in stressful and unsatisfactory work conditions and alcohol for about 25 years.
First, remove the male from packaging (i.e. his” business suit”) and cut away the mobile phone and any other mobile communication device.
Wrap the male in comfy and warm baggy track suit and comfortable and suitable shoes for jogging. When it comes to track suits, I recommend the ex German army sweat pants I picked up for a song at the army and navy surplus store on the way out of Hereford (read into that what you will) but whatever is most comfortable is the most important thing.
Place the male in a reasonably flat beauty spot and allow the male to walk or possibly jog steadily around the beauty spot for about 30 – 40 minutes until tender, basting regularly with autumn sunshine and showers in about equal measure. Allow the male to cool down for about 15 – 20 minutes.
Remove the male from the beauty spot and place it in a hot tub. Simmer the male for about 30 minutes, accompanied by appropriately relaxing music available from classic FM. But do be careful not to allow the male to boil. Garnish with a rubber duck and a pirate ship or whatever comes to hand.
Next, dry the male and dress it in its most comfortable clothes, especially that sweater or cardigan with the holes in that should have been thrown out years ago, and the tatty cords.
Allow the male to rest undisturbed for a while with the Sunday papers and add another glass of wine.
Then stuff the male with a full roast with all the trimmings. Apply liberal quantities of wine again.
Finally, allow the male to rest. Possibly with the aid of a classic film such as The Guns of Navarone, Escape to Victory or The Italian Job.
The male is now ready for serving.
In love and light,
Sister Eva Longoria
-
November 7, 2013 at 22:31 -
French films. Recent goodies include Populaire and Intouchables. Other than that I want the prescribed treatment.
-
November 7, 2013 at 11:59 -
‘…. at the army and navy surplus store on the way out of Hereford…..’
That be Shepherds, that be. In the middle of nowhere with a fighter jet parked outside.I claim my pint of cider!
-
November 6, 2013 at 11:03 -
It did suggest WALK , Talwin as an alternative to jogging! What a lovely recipe for recovering from the cares of a workaday life of frustrated toil, and ghastly news. There are some beauty spots a short drive from here, but I fear a tad muddy after lots of rain. I could get some wellies adorned with roses and stride fourth. I’m afraid a stroll round town buying items I don’t really need might help a little to raise the November pall of gloom that descends around my birth date. I empathise with you Gildas. I think I know how you feel.
-
November 6, 2013 at 09:32 -
Sounds great; but any chance of losing the jog element?
-
November 5, 2013 at 22:16 -
Sounds idyllic, from a male perspective…
Trouble is, it might be difficult to find a ‘party of the second part’ that would be willing to invest all that time and effort!
I think the world has (unfortunately, perhaps) moved on from such a ‘one sided’ set up and modern man is now required not only to work himself into the ground all week, but to also spend whatever precious moments he may get at home fully engaged in doing the washing, cleaning, ironing, cooking, shopping child minding, as well as the more traditional gardening, mowing, decorating and a whole host of other DIY chores. ‘Jack of all trades, master of none’…
Must go and tackle that pile of laundry…
-
November 5, 2013 at 21:47 -
Tis a ritual which cometh our way every day of the week. The male loveth the tatty jumper, trousers and brogues and is loathed to be parted from them. To him, the washing machine is just a thing of beauty.
-
November 5, 2013 at 15:38 -
What a lovely day indeed. In fact, I have found said beauty spot (or what passes for one round here) surprisingly close by. It was lovely last Sunday with all the autumn colours and leaves.
Just a pity there has to be a Monday… -
November 5, 2013 at 15:28 -
Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother’s milk. [Exod
Comments are closed.
{ 9 comments }