This is Guadeloupe. Pretty little place isn’t it?  A Caribbean island located in the balmy Leeward Islands, in the Lesser Antilles. As December descends on those of us in the northern hemisphere, so the balmy summer days of the Caribbean become increasingly attractive. Travel advisors say the best time to go there is December ‘when the weather remains warm and dry and daily highs rest in the mid-80s.’

Guadeloupe has everything that you could want to escape shivering through the British winter and sky high fuel bills. From surfing schools to beach bars to long stretches of beautiful sand and temperate water to bathe in. Superb food, first class hotels, modern transport connections, even an easy to understand currency – the Euro.

Language could be a problem if you fancy living there permanently – very few people speak English, French or Antillean Creole is what you need to communicate – and if you are British and need the help of your embassy, you will have to go all the way to Venezuela before you find consular assistance!

How about Martinique? Lonely Planet tells me that Martinique enjoys a year-round tropical climate though its busiest tourist period is during the dry season, from December to May, when temperatures average about 26°C.  Oooh, 26° in December, lubberly. Hobnobbing with Pierce Bronson, topping up your tan alongside bill Gates, it is the ultimate luxurious – and discrete – playground for the rich and famous.

The marina is where many of the rich and famous pull up on yachts that take up 100 feet of dock space. Others rent exclusive villas, complete with staff. It is not a budget destination. Still if you can afford it – not on a British pension obviously – December in Martinique offers yet again, superb food, ‘five star and then some’ hotels, and though Pan Am no longer run ‘first class only’ flights from New York, Air France will still whisk you there in style if your private plane is otherwise occupied.

Like Guadeloupe, few English speakers, reputedly the American star George Benson had to find an interpreter so that he could order lunch there. No British embassy, and nowhere to cash in your British pension.

Maybe if we leave the Caribbean and travel across to the Indian Ocean we will find somewhere affordable for a British pensioner to live? How about Réunion? Like Hawaii, it is located above one of the hotspots in the earth’s crust. The climate is tropical and humid, with December temperatures averaging 26° – year round the sea temperature rarely drops below 23°! Air Mauritius will get you back and forth to England if you really have to see the grandchildren – once you’ve taken the boat to Mauritius.

Still, why would you ever want to leave? Er, the volcanos that erupt out of season or perhaps the fact that part of the island hold the record for the most rainfall in 72 hours – 154 inches – that’s er, 12 foot something! Great place for a winter holiday, but year round?

Language is still a problem – French is the language – by law. You can still use your Euros but not easy to collect your pension. Great beaches and balmy water – but 11 shark attacks, including an 11 year old girl bitten in half, in the past two years would be enough to put me off.

Still in the Indian Ocean, just off the coast of Madagascar, how about the island of Mayotte? December is the height of summer there, and temperatures are much the same as Réunion – around 26°. Hard to get into or out of, Dzaoudzi Pamandzi International Airport now proudly boasts a ‘paved runway’ – as of 2002. The population is mostly Iranian muslims, and the descendants of Arab traders.

Language is still a problem – French is the language – by law. However, not many people actually speak French, and definitely not English – Kiantalaotsi, a western dialect of the Malagasy language, heavily influenced by Shimaore and Arabic is what you need to communicate the fact that you are starving and in need of a roof over your head. There is a total of 45 miles of paved roads, so you might be tempted to think that there is not much point in importing your car if you went to live there, but with no railway either, how else are you going to get around?

Still not tempted you to life abroad as an English pensioner?

OK, let’s zoom off to South America, right next to Brazil – French Guiana! It’s very close to the equator, so you’ll have no need to be gathering winter fuel, summer or winter. Most of it is inaccessible forest land, but there are a few coastal townships. December temperatures around 30°. 

French Guiana has some of the worst soil on this planet – so don’t expect good food to be found there. Fish and bananas are a pretty staple diet.

You’ll need to speak good French, the locals don’t but you’ll never master the Saramaka language, so conversation will be confined to the few French speaking officials.

The penal colony that the murderer Charrière was so keen to escape from in the novel Papillon was here – and things haven’t changed a huge amount since those dire days.

Still not tempted by any of these blazing winter temperatures? Why did I think you might be? I didn’t!

But the Department of Works and Pensions in dear old Blighty thought it entirely possible that thousands of British pensioners might be sitting sipping Sangria in Guadeloupe, or Martinique, Réunion, Mayotte or even reliving the adventures of Papillon in French Guiana – not on a well earned holiday, but living there as permanent residents, and unfairly and unnecessarily claiming their winter fuel allowance….

Which is why they have excluded all British pensioners living in France from claiming Winter Fuel allowance. See, when they compared average winter temperatures in the whole of Spain and Italy with winter temperatures in little old Cornwall, they conceded that yes, indeed, Spain and Italy were colder than little old Cornwall, and thus British pensioners living there get to keep their winter fuel allowance.

But when they came to perform the same calculation for France, they included as ‘France’ the overseas territories, like Guadeloupe, Martinique, Réunion, Mayotte or French Guiana – and the sum effect of including all those near equatorial islands half way around the globe, (which experience summer in December anyway) – was to conclude that December temperatures in that one little county, Cornwall, were indeed colder than France….

And that, children, is the true story of how the government came to take a miserable £200 a year away from people such as our esteemed commentator Eleanor ‘Andcart, still cutting grass day after day at the ripe old age of *(a damn sight older than me anyway) in order to eke out her pittance of an English pension – because she lives in France, all of  174 miles from Cornwall – but one Hell of a lot colder in winter, so long as you don’t include the equatorial territories when comparing it with one English county!

Elena ‘andcart
September 2, 2013 at 13:10

A slight misapprehension here. I did receive The Winter Fuel Allowance for
2012/2013. In the bank. As is 1999/2000 also in the bank. Regard the dates, if
you will. Apparently The Government failed to put a block on back payments
until 2000/2001, so you can still get 1999/2000. Voila. So I can’t help
wondering why they put a block on back payments after that. Saw the writing on
the wall, did they?
However, if you had been granted The Winter Fuel
Allowance in 1999/2000, as you or I obviously should have been, because I now
have been as it is in my bank. Got The Legal Form on which I claimed, which
they sent to me. It would then have been ongoing from that moment on.
On
this I am basing my claim for thirteen years of back payments. This will
amount to something in the region of £2,500, so I am not giving that up
without a fight.
As it happens, I did twice apply in 1999 and again in
2002, both of which were refused on the grounds that I left UK before I became
entitled to my Pension, and I do have written proof. So how come I am entitled
to 1999/2000 and not entitled to the interim years between then and now?

PS. I have just hung up my Lawn Mower, but only because the Lawn Mower
finally broke down, and I don’t want to spend another 600 Euros on a new one.
And cutting grass at 80 years of age begins to look like desperation, if not
downright embarrassing.

Miss Mildred
September 2, 2013 at 10:47

We have known several couples who have maintained one foot in England and
one in Spain. Somehow not so posh sounding as France. They were and are
persons who were careful with money, and in one case compo for an employment
related issue. This means a lot of getting there and back. None of them are or
were well off. Surely people KNOW before they choose these balmy places to
live permanently, that pension is frozen. If it is a place with no alien
winter temperatures, good luck to them. There is a lot of money saved. Warm
shark infested sea may be, but if you swim here, hypothermia and undercurrents
may get you. If you go somewhere colder, keep warm with layers like we do.
Gather ye firewood where ye may for thy wood burning stove. Cuddle up with a
good book or your laptop or doze…like we do here in much reviled UK.

Bill
Cameron September 1, 2013 at 17:01

Thanks for your ‘warning’ Anna – I’m well aware of the low temperatures in
Spain in winter (where my place is it can be down to barely above zero at
night for a month or so) and having lived in the Middle and Far East for many
years I know all about high summer temperatures, which is why I rarely spend
the winters or July/August in Spain and even if I go to live there more
permanently will be taking myself off at these times to more clement places.
It’s certainly true that my home here in the ‘Arctic wastes’ of northern
Scotland is much better insulated than my place in Spain .
Similarly, it always used to amuse me, when I lived in Morocco (Casablanca)
many years ago and was having a weekend in Tangier or Tetouan in winter, how
many tourists from UK, Germany or Scandinavia would allow their kids into the
hotel’s outdoor swimming pool whereas we ‘locals’ were well wrapped-up; Paris
could be VERY cold in the winter too, thank goodness my apartment there was if
anything overheated in winter as the whole building was heated centrally, as
part of the way the building was run – I often had to open the balcony doors
at both front and back to let breezes waft through!

However, it is true I know many British living in Spain for whom the
reality of the climate and poorly-insulated homes has come as a very nasty
surprise and I’m sure the same will be true of France – I certainly spent a
very cold Christmas near Antibes one year; luckily my hosts had roaring log
fires blazing from morning to night and whilst the pool in the garden looked
very pretty, no-one was rushing to dive in.

Bill
Cameron September 1, 2013 at 15:34

Luckily where I will likely end up (Spain) does have the fuel allowance for
British residents there. At the moment I move back and forth between my homes
there and here, although I currently spend a bit over 50% of the year in the
UK. But I certainly agree that it should be paid to all non-resident
pensioners on the same basis. As for the comment that expatriate pensioners
don’t pay anything because it is funded out of current revenue, rather than an
actuarial return on contributions made during working years, the same can be
said of many UK-resident pensioners; it is in fact a non-argument and it is
certainly discriminatory to pay it to some pensioners and not to others on the
spurious grounds you highlight.

One matter you omitted to mention about French Guiana; apart from its
notorious past as a penal settlement, it is now of course where the European
Space Agency launches its rockets and satellites from and I think all the
engineers and scientists there survive only because all their creature
comforts are brought in from France. The only French DOMs I have visited are
Martinique and Guadeloupe, during a Caribbean sailing boat trip some years
ago, during the time I lived in Paris, although I did also live in a former
TOM for a couple of years, many years prior to that – it was of the arid
desert variety and had the distinction then of hosting the second-largest
Foreign Legion base outside of Corsica. There were only 18 British passport
holders living in Djbouti then, mostly of Adeni/Yemeni origin, except for two
of us from the UK who all worked for the same organisation – but we spoke
fluent French.

Anna
Raccoon September 1, 2013 at
15:59

A word of warning Bill – or something you may be well aware of.
Many
homes in Spain were built as holiday homes – they are simply not insulted to
survive the Spanish winter, and many pensioners are surprised to find
themselves half frozen to death.
The same applies in France – you really
have to look past the swimming pools and check to see how the house will
survive winter temperatures of -15 and worse.
You will also have higher
than normal summer energy bills – just to stay cool!
That is what is
annoying so many of us – the knowledge that there are pensioners out here
who were entirely unaware of these basic facts and struggle to stay either
cool enough or warm enough in their new found homes with pensions that have
shrunk by a third, and non existent interest on savings. Believe me, there
are people suffering real hardship.

alan scott
September 1, 2013 at 19:27

And the French pay their overseas people allowances based on the distance
from Paris – not the actual ” hardship” factors. Or they used to, when I was
in the British Colonial Service in the Pacific in the 50s. Cheese-eating
etc, which of course they flew in.

SamB September 1, 2013 at 14:29

I’m pretty sure that this really is illegal as it discriminates against a
certain class of pensioner. But of course they would have to take it to court.
As an example- I am a British pensioner living in Australia and they have lost
my allowance and I can tell you it’s bloody cold in winter.
However I just
made a successful claim to the Anti-Discrimination Board that the local car
license office was forcing pensioners to attend in person while everyone else
could do thei business via the net. Now they are going to change the rule
because of little old me. Perhaps I’ll take on Whitehall over this heating
business.

rabbitaway September 1, 2013 at 12:41

Anna, ‘they’ are using the money for more important things …… !!! This made
me smile

http://news.sky.com/story/1135684/council-paints-nine-inch-double-yellow-lines

rabbitaway September 1, 2013 at 12:35

David Frost has died !

Ancient + Tattered
Airman September 1, 2013 at 12:07

Paying British pensioners living overseas – whatever next? We have an
entire world to support!

Mudplugger September 1, 2013 at 12:06

Just another example of the nonsense caused by a history of ‘electoral
bribes’ to the voting classes.

A courageous government would get rid of all the various ‘extras’ (bus
passes, TV Licenses etc) and just pay all contributing pensioners a sum of
money, then they can decide how to spend it, wherever they are. Sadly,
courageous government are thin on the ground in democracies, as they all need
to get re-elected every 5 years, so those unintended consequences of
vote-bribing remain.

On a personal level, I look forward to receiving my annual £200 in a couple
of months, which may go some way to funding a tankful of fuel for the Rolls –
the old girl only ever gets out these days when the Winter Fuel Allowance
arrives. Thanks, Mr Brown.

alan scott
September 1, 2013 at 19:23

Good on you, mate. Let me know when you next take the old girl our for a
spin and I’ll bring some gas!
(Dorset).
My last was a 1937 25/30
Barker Town Limousine. Yours?
Have a KIA ceed SW now. Eheu fugaces and
all that.

Mudplugger
September 2, 2013 at 10:57

Mine’s only a volume youngster in comparison – a ’73 Shadow, in Walnut
,with Cream vinyl roof and, bespokely, Gold Velour upholstery – very
trendy material at the time and which remains in immaculate (if a tad
tasteless) condition, unlike aged cow-hide. Bought it 20 years ago to give
my old dad a thrill: it outlasted him, sadly. Sadly also, I’m 300+ miles
north of Dorset – that’s a lot of gas.
By coincidence, I’ve also got a
Kia on my fleet as everyday transport now, superbly-engineered motor for
the price – great minds, eh ?

Anna
Raccoon September 2, 2013 at
11:38

Are you married? I’d consider ousting Mr G for a ’73 Shadow……

Mudplugger September 2, 2013 at 12:51

Been married to the same lady since soon after the old Shadow first
turned a wheel. As the car-tolerant Mrs Mudplugger often says, “It
seems like only yesterday – if it was tomorrow, I possibly wouldn’t
turn up !” I like to think she’s joking.

But nothing’s permanent, everything’s up for negotiation, we all
have our price……

Mark September 1, 2013 at 12:00

I’m right with you Anna. Not that it seems there’s much sympathy.

Joe Public September 1, 2013 at 11:20

At least Richard will be grateful for the British Taxpayer subsidising his
winter hideaway.

http://www.neckerisland.virgin.com/

Belsay Bugle
September 1, 2013 at 11:14

What a whinge!

Why the hell should taxpayers in England send money to expatriates who have
chosen to emigrate?
There is no fund that your past taxes have built up;
every penny paid in pensions and benefits comes from current British taxpayers
or state borrowing.
I agree it’s unfair to single out France; I would stop
the payments to all expatriate ‘pensioners’ wherever they live.

There is plenty of cheap firewood in France, get sawing and chopping!

Cascadian September 1, 2013 at 18:25

We understand the british pension scheme is a massive Ponzi game, and
perhaps it is a little naive to pretend that everybody gets treated fairly,
after all the plebs scheme is fair less attractive than the MP’s scheme.
However when you are forced to contribute over a lifetime (as I am sure that
Elena has) and she sees others being treated in a preferential fashion
solely due to geographic location and phony temperature profiles I do not
think it is whingeing to point out the inequity. There is little point in
having a universal pension scheme if it is not universal, is there?

My mother and thousands of others suffer(ed) because she emigrated to
Canada, her pension remittance was frozen from that date, I believe the same
egregious law applies to Australia and New Zealand, what convoluted logic
can justify denying cost-of-living increases purely on location? And before
you ask-NO there was not a heating allowance.

What we are talking about here is a pittance to the british government,
they do it purely out of spite, usually it affects people who survived
deprivation during the war without whingeing as you call it. Meanwhile
people who have contributed NOTHING to the country can receive free medical
services from the generous universal social services, if efficiencies are
required (is there any doubt) the government are applying them to the wrong
cohort.

What a prick you are!

alan scott
September 1, 2013 at 19:19

You lovely lad (or lass, or in between, whatever). I hope you shiver in
your garret.
You obviously have no understanding of the tax system in
your beloved UK, and how those of us who have contributed over the decades
to your (I hope) enjoyable multi-cultural paradise.

Amfortas September
1, 2013 at 09:55

I don’t get a winter allowance either, in Tasmania where in winter it gets
down to 2 deg at night (-6 to -16 in places on the plateau). I don’t even get
an index increase. Bloody POSB BritGov. We who have given such a lot to
Blighty get shafted. Otherwise in summer it is really beautiful weather and
climate. English is spoken here though, unlike Guadeloupe and all those other
furrin’ spots. Heck, we don’t even get the celebs and nonebs. Lovely spots all
have some drawback.

Mustapha Djinn
September 1, 2013 at 09:48

Think of all those £200′s going in bonuses to the civil servant who thought
up this convoluted money saving idea !

Michael J.
McFadden September 1, 2013 at 09:43

“11 shark attacks, including an 11 year old girl bitten in half, in the
past two years would be enough to put me off.”

Picky, picky, picky Anna! Why are you so FUSSY about things?

;>
MJM

JuliaM September
1, 2013 at 11:06

They can’t get you in the swimming pool!

MTG September 1, 2013 at 09:16

Gosh. One can only sympathise with additional stress inflicted by mediocre
French air conditioning.

JimmyGiro September 1, 2013 at 08:45

As the Russians say: No such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing.

I recommend the use of string vests. Easy maintenance, and very effective;
the Vikings invented the technology, apparently:

http://www.nordiclifeuk.co.uk/index.php/products/mens-active-base-layers

Women’s sections in link above also.