Help me find my G-Spot!
Dear People of the Internet and Raccoon Readers,
I am writing to you in search of help and advice and consolation, because it seems that I have lost, or rather been locked out of what my SPECIAL FRIEND Gildas calls my G-spot!
Now, let me explain. It is true that, although I have certain womanly skills not least in ways in which it is very appropriate so to have them and which keep my SPECIAL FRIEND Gildas the Monk very happy on most Saturday nights (provided his favourite football team has not lost, in which case MATCH OF THE DAY is switched OFF and there is terrible gloom and doom and ranting) and also on certain appropriate HOLY DAYS and BANK HOLIDAYS.
However, neither I nor my SPECIAL FRIEND Gildas has any ability at all when it comes to technology or the web. (Ed: Your words, not mine!)
Therefore it was a matter of extreme excitement when a few weeks ago I managed, with no help at all from the useless Gildas, to set up a Gmail account. To be precise SexySubEva@gmail.com. Or some such. PRAISE THE LORD!
This seemed to strangely amuse Gildas, and the naughty monk seemed most amused to be endlessly talking about what he called my G-Spot mail, although the source of his amusement was not that clear to me.
So armed with the e-mail of G I began correspondences with many notable and exciting persons, including a NIGERIAN gentleman who has discovered I have MILLIONS of dollars in unclaimed legacies from numerous previously unknown relatives (I have to send him some details, so Gildas’ CREDIT CARD statements seemed a good idea). Also a nice young lady called SVETLANA from VLADIVOSTOK who is very beautiful and is always proposing that she comes and MARRIES me, but needs some cash to make the trip. But I expect she is easily confused by the language, even though her bio says she was a Professor of Biophysics and also runner up in the MISS SIBERIA 2011 contest and just 21, and very lonely.
I also enjoyed a Dalliance or two on http://www.uniformdating.com/. Mainly with the Red Watch at the Newton Abbot Fire Station. Please don’t tell Gildas, and anyway I know what he likes to read after vespers – Trying to convince me that FIFTY SHADES OF GREY was a manual about undercoat paint was NOT going to work.
But WOE is me and thrice woe! For I cannot now access my G-Spot mail! It is most curious. For when I go to the book mark for my G Spot account I get a letter from Google, thus:
Add Gmail to your Google Account
Name First name First Last name Last
Choose your Gmail address @gmail.com
You can use letters, numbers and full stops.
Mobile phone
Your phone number helps us with things like keeping your account secure. For example, we can send you a text message to help you access your account if you ever forget your password.
Your current email address
We will use this address for things like keeping your account secure. For example, we can send you an email alert if we see unusual activity in your account.
By completing this form, you’re upgrading to Gmail, email from Google.
Now this is a very nice letter, but it HELPS ME NOT AT ALL. For I KNOW I have my Google Account, and all I want is to access my G Spot! I do not want a new one! If I enter my G Spot mail address in the little box called “choose your G mail address” it tells me “That address is already taken”. I BLOODY KNOW THAT. It is taken by ME! And I just want to get into it! And ROUND AND ROUND we go.
In my distress and anxiety I took counsel from my SPECIAL FRIEND Gildas, but he was useless as ever and just prodded the computer with a stick. This did no good at all. So I bared my heaving soul to my Twatter account, and lo! I was inundated by others carping of the HORRORS OF THE G SPOT MAIL. It seems like G-Spot mail is much like an incompetent and confused jailer, ever intent on LOCKING PEOPLE OUT.
So, people of the interweb, what is the solution to MY GREAT G-SPOT MAIL CONUNDRUM, and what is the low down on G-Spot mail in general?
In love and light!
July
14, 2013 at 20:26
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You ought to try asking Vodafone for a password reset some time. I’ve had
to do that due to temporary drunkenness on several occasions.
You get a
nice little email with a “password reset” link to a page that says that
they’ve just sent you an email with a “password reset” link to a page that
says they’ve just sent you an email with a “password reset” link to a page
that says that they’ve just sent you an email… need I say more?
- July 7, 2013 at 17:34
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It’s your own fault you should have taken better care of it. Try lost and
found at Paddington failing that someone might be selling the same spot on
e-bay.
- July 7, 2013 at 15:03
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Dear sister Eva, I recognise you, you must be the lady who sent me an email
the other day! As I understand it, a cougar is the modern term for a lady
seeking the company of a much younger man, and since I am in my late 50s that
idea is somewhat scary. I must say that you don’t look your age one bit. I’m
fascinated to know that you are newly divorced and live just up the road from
me in my local village, population 150 if no-one’s on holiday. I am sure I
would have noticed a lady of your obvious attributes at our little village
meetings, in fact I think it likely that my eyes would have found a certain
magnetic pull in your direction. It could be that my eyesight is not what it
once was. However I could always use a bit of help in the garden and if you’re
still as interested in popping over, I’ll send the wife round to brief you on
the jobs. Yours sincerely, Everard Hopeful.
-
July 7, 2013 at 14:01
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You should try prayer. If that doesn’t work, then God must have decided
that you shouldn’t use gmail. He works in mysterious aways, you know.
-
July 7, 2013 at 13:46
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Verily Sister I say unto you: I HATE GMAIL! I FUCKING LOATH GMAIL! I
DESTEST EVERY SMUG, “DON’T BE EVIL” , perfect toothed, non smoker Vegan at
Googleplex ….and yet I use it hundreds of times a week and wouldn’t be without
it! I get withdrawal symptoms if I can’t access my gmail account.
http://blockeddwarf.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/god-aint-only-one-neither.html
My rantings about gmail from an old blog.
- July 7, 2013 at 10:45
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The Church has moved on a bit since my youth. For the better, too, it would
seem….
-
July 7, 2013 at 09:22
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Go to:-
http://www.google.co.uk/
Top of screen on a black bar – ‘G Mail’, left click on this.
Enter gmail address in the top box.
Enter password in next box.
Left click on ‘Sign In’
Job Done.
Sign out, left click on ‘Tools’ symbol (nothing to do with G Spot) top RHS,
below your email address.
Left click on ‘Sign Out’
Good Luck
- July 7, 2013 at 08:31
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Have you tried accessing your account just direct from the gmail sign-in
screen, ie. with no bookmarks or saved cookies and all that stuff sending you
someplace in google-land? You might have to flush your cookies/internet memory
to achieve this state of simple purity, but you are plainly no stranger to the
state of purity….
Back to basics is often the best answer. Just a guess really, but I feel
something in my bones.
- July 7, 2013 at 13:41
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“You might have to flush your cookies”
Maybe some Senokot would help?
I know it is always helpful to me when I need to “flush my cookies”. Is
that an American euphamism by the way?
-
July 8, 2013 at 10:30
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“Just a guess really, but I feel something in my bones.”
Is that what is sometimes referred to as ‘a boner’?
-
July 7, 2013 at 07:48
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Is this fucking “SPAM”, or what?
Whatever, it appears to be a load of Bullshit.
- July 7, 2013 at 07:56
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Sister Eva’s black humour seems to have by passed you…
- July 7, 2013 at 08:04
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O.k. Probably.
I will read it again later, and I will apologise for any
missunderstanding, at this point.
- July 9, 2013 at 09:29
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Stupid is as…
- July 7, 2013 at 07:28
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Have you looked in Anna’s husband’s shed under her house? He has EVERYTHING
there, apparently, and everything has its own special hook or drawer. Things
which even Anna herself had thought were gone forever are down there.
- July 7, 2013 at 07:40
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“Things which even Anna herself had thought were gone forever are down
there.”
Quite possibly….but far too much information!
- July 7, 2013 at 14:00
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And looking in those drawers would be a good place to search for your
spot.
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