The peaceable Benedictine Monks who settled on the banks of the River Dart thought the place quite perfect – like many a modern day monk (who Gildas? perish the thought) they were none too fond of the taste of water, and so they stuck to wine – with added caffeine. Gave them extra enthusiasm for all those early mornings in quiet contemplation. By 1890 they had perfected the recipe and were selling it to the general public with the slogan “Three small glasses a day, for good health and lively blood”.

The firm of J Chandler & co still sell Buckfast Tonic wine to this day, across the UK. However, their sales in Strathclyde, Scotland have attracted particular attention after BBC Scotland published a report showing that ‘ in a three year period 5,638 crime reports had mentioned the use of this one brand of drink’. The usual suspects climbed aboard the bandwagon – Helen Liddell and Cathy Jamieson were two politicians who joined the fashionable clamour to ban Buckfast Tonic wine, resulting in lawyer’s letters going out to at least one of them.

Now the Police are also under the impression that if you can’t buy Buckfast Tonic Wine you will stay sober and not commit any crimes, a curious theory, but there you go. They have issued special stickers to shopkeepers in Strathclyde so that they can trace sales of Buckfast Tonic Wine back to the shop where it was bought in the event of it showing up in a crime incident or being consumed by underage drinkers.

Lawyers for J Chandler & Co will ask a judge to find that Strathclyde Police has unlawfully encouraged retailers to label bottles of Buckfast or withdraw the product from sale.

No, I’m not sure how knowing where a bottle was bought is going to prevent crime either, but I can see this idea spreading:

Apparently black cars are the most likely to be involved in road traffic accidents – so will they have a sticker attached to them by the police?

You are allegedly more likely to be burgled by someone wearing denim jeans – so another anti-crime sticker on Levi’s – or Nike trainers?

Any other products you can think of deserving of a special police sticker?

Ed P February 25, 2013 at 11:15

100% of criminals consume water, so all taps should be labelled.

Stephen Davies February 24, 2013 at 17:30

One amusing though possibly apocryphal story from my days in the law was a
barrister who like many found his job a little tedious —-it was said in order
to get through the day he would enter court coughing loudly and then
ostentatiosly place on the bench before him a large bottle of Owbridges Cough
Mixture. Periodically when things got duller than usual he would proceed to
cough loudly and reach for the bottle and take a swig and the coughing would
cease. Yes all will have guessed that so it came to be said cherry brandy had
been substituted for the cough mixture.

Mizz Mildred
February 24, 2013 at 10:45

At one time a baby mixture for gastric wind contained alchohol, was sort of
aniseed flavoured. Some odd persons became accidentally alchoholic!! A
pregnant mum told me me her dad glugged many bottles of cough mixture a week.
Apart from being zonked out on the settee with the Daily mirror over his face,
he was no real harm. He had not booted anyone in the head. I think it had
morphia in it. So many substances affect us humans. The fish are said to
change sex due to waterbourne presence of plastics residues. Those small empty
Red Bull tins ( sticker?) can be twisted , pulled apart and twisted in
someones eye socket. How do I know? I saw the drug fuelled HOODIE (sticker
hoodie hoods) challenge the gent for his computer case. Twist the can, take it
apart and hold it knifewise in front of him……I scarpered on by, as fast as a
lady in her seventies, assisted by her stick, could scuttle. I emailed Red
Bull and said my part. Got a very supercilious/patronising reply. I suggest we
sticker some police management, who could be addressing more urgent
matters.

Friend of Dog
February 24, 2013 at 09:47

What about the favourite tipple of Ena Sharples’ generation, Dr Collis
Browns Mixture. That was before they were obliged to change the formula of
course.
Pity that.

Joe Public
February 24, 2013 at 12:44

Don’t forget the old headbanger – “Barley Wine”, a beer with an alcohol
strength of 8 to 12% by volume and is brewed from specific gravities as high
as 1.120.

Ted Treen
February 25, 2013 at 13:04

Barley Wine is also (around here, anyway) known as “Old Ale”.

Hence the mixed drink known as a “Mother-in-Law”:- Old &
Bitter…

binao February 24, 2013 at 09:00

I seem to recall Buckie and Lannie being widely advertised back in my
Springburn days. As an ignorant English I quickly learned they weren’t aimed
at the same clientele as Sanatgen.
I also recall that even the hardened
factory hand drinkers looked down on wine drinkers. And they shared taxis to
the local bar on their half hour shift breaks.

MTG February 24, 2013 at 08:41

Some get a kick from cocaine buck we get a kick out of you.

Stevegee February 24, 2013 at 08:14

Around here, given the prices charged, it is known as Fast Buck Abbey.

GildasTheMonk
February 24, 2013 at 06:22

I have always wanted to make a trip to Buckfast Abbey – sadly I havent made
it yet. It sounds a heaveny place, and its brews are famous.

Engineer February 23, 2013 at 22:02

Officialdom shuffles the papers on it’s collective clipboards, and leaps
unerringly to a daft conclusion once again.

Years ago, there was a proposal raised to register every amateur owner of
small lathes. The sheds of Britain were to be searched, and elderly gentlemen
happily whiling away their retirements making model steam engines and clocks
were to be frog-marched to the nearest cop-shop and vigorously interrogated to
see if they had ever had any inclination to use their tools and skills to make
knock-off AK47s and tactical nuclear weapons for terrorism purposes. Common
sense prevailed in the end, and the proposal was not taken forward. However,
that was some years ago before we became so closely enmeshed in the
all-enveloping bureaucracy that is the EU. I strongly suspect that somewhere
in Whitehall, there is a file sat on a shelf marked ‘pending’, just waiting to
be taken down and dusted off if any future terrorist suspect is found to have
an unrelated passing interest in model-making. It’s just the way the official
mind works.

Engineer February 23, 2013 at 22:07

The whole possibility could of course be cured by issuing every elderly
gentleman with a sticker saying, “This lathe must not be used for making
knock-off AK47s”. The stickers would have to be signed for, of course. In
triplicate.

JuliaM February 24, 2013 at 05:42

It’s increasingly the case that the police (who are admittedly
understaffed for their role as a result of the lax justice system acting
as a revolving door for their frequent flyers) are turning to other
methods to prevent crime.

Case in point – lots of drunken late night trouble at a takeaway in
Manchester? Get it closed down! Simples!

‘What’s that? You didn’t want a fight, you just wanted a late-night
snack after clubbing? Too bad, citizen! Move along, or we’ll ask for a
curfew next!’

I know the world’s moved on, and we can’t have Dixon of Dock Green
anymore, but we aren’t at Judge Dredd just yet! Are we?

Ted Treen
February 25, 2013 at 13:00

How about a sticker for all civil servants stating “This otherwise
unemployable cretin must not be used for making any moronic decisions
and issuing diktats of utter stupidity”?

Moor
Larkin February 23, 2013 at 20:53

@ Red Bull is unlawful in France @

Bloody hell!!
This page http://rense.com/general88/bull.htm
makes me realise that
Red Bull was the inspiration behind the drug Nuke, in Robocop2 !!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Hg-nM3YLnE

Stephen Davies February 23, 2013 at 20:09

My new tipple to wake me up in the late morning will be Buckfast and Red
Bull to accompany my usual breakfast of a pack of Capstan Full Strength—-some
numerate surfer here can ascertain and compute the caffeine (well its actually
its taurine in Red Bull but no difference) and alcohol multiple to my usual
morning tipple of a Double Expresso with large brandy chaser —-as always the
French are waaaaay ahead of us and Red Bull is unlawful in France so I
understand coz its sooooo dangerous in terms caffeine consumption.

Lucozade February 23, 2013 at 21:32

Woman On A Raft and Stephen Davies,

Maybe yous would like this then: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vin_Mariani

Longrider February 24, 2013 at 08:49

Red Bull was illegal in France, but they relaxed this as I was buying it
at motorway services during the couple of years I was living there.

The DSA and IAM have been issuing warnings about energy drinks making
drivers and riders “high”, yet one 250ml can is about the equivalent of a
strong cup of coffee.

Michael J.
McFadden February 23, 2013 at 19:49

Whoops…. my initial post is in moderation because it had two links in it.
The 500 or 5,000 figure was shown to actually simply be “5″ … so no one needs
to get too excited, OK? Wait till the post is there and you’ll see. – MJM

ivan February 24, 2013 at 12:20

It makes little or no difference – after all X times FA is still FA!

Michael J.
McFadden February 23, 2013 at 19:40

Correction: I *knew* that 500x figure looked too low: those initial google
numbers actually show coffee to be FIVE THOUSAND times as “strong” as cola in
terms of caffeine!

– MJM

Michael J.
McFadden February 23, 2013 at 19:38

I found the caffeine claim (1 bottle = EIGHT cans of cola “The drink also
has a very high caffeine content, with each 750ml bottle containing the
equivalent of eight cans of cola.” as per the original 2010 article at http://www.scotsman.com/news/crime-link-as-buckfast-revealed-to-have-as-much-caffeine-as-eight-colas-1-786644
) interesting since they seem to be using that figure to demonize it. I
wondered why they picked cola instead of the more commonly thought of caffeine
source: coffee. Perhaps the figure for coffee wouldn’t have looked so scary?

So I Googled, and the first figures that pop up on screen for caffeine
content of coffee and cola are incredible:

Cola: .000008g/100g
Coffee: .04g/100g

Those figures compute out to coffee being 500 times as “strong” in caffeine
as cola. Which would certainly support my point, but which I didn’t believe…
it was too extreme. So I googled a bit deeper, and at the mayo clinic site at
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/caffeine/AN01211 I found
figures that were a bit more reasonable: coffee being about 5 times as strong
as cola. (That double research shows a valuable lesson: never take your first
answers as golden, even if they support your case nicely!)

So the bottle of wine actually has the caffeine content of about two 10oz
cups of coffee. Not quite as extreme sounding as “eight cans of cola,” eh? And
the original article talked about kids being hyped up from drinking two
bottles of Buckfast per day. That’s 1.5 liters of 30 proof wine per day or
about 5 liters of beer per day. Somehow, even with a lot of caffeine, I don’t
think a whole lot of kids are “bouncing around all over the place because the
anxiety levels, the adrenalin, will be running around … feeling very anxious,
very aggressive.” if they’re putting away five liters of beer a day.

I don’t know just why Google starts out with that “500 times” figure. Maybe
they averaged the top ten brands and nine of them happened to be “caffeine
free” varieties which thereby led to an absurdly low estimate for the
“average” amount of caffeine in a cola drink? Dunno. But it shows why you’ve
always got to double-check statistical claims: they’re often wrong and they’re
easy for fanatics to lie with. And then you throw in a fancy professor making
a quote like the one about the kids “bouncing around” without reference to how
realistic the consumption estimate is, and you’ve got nicely full-blown
propaganda — same sorta game the Antismokers play.

– MJM

Frank Limadere
February 23, 2013 at 19:22

Apparently Buckfast contains as much caffeine as eight cans of coke. Ever
helpful, Auntie Beeb shows us innumerates what eight looks like:
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/47122000/jpg/_47122261_caffinecontent226.jpg.

The only time most of us criminals come into contact with the police is
when we commit, sorry, get caught committing a motoring offence. Is that why
car dealers put stickers on the windscreens of the cars they sell? I didn’t
realise.How do the police use this information? “Hello, is that Bristol Street
Motors? We’ve just clocked another one of your cars doing 80 on the M1. That’s
the 20th this month. If you don’t start taking more care over who you sell
cars to we’re going to have to send the boys round and somebody might
accidentally fall down the stairs.”

Lucozade February 23, 2013 at 19:12

I can see how the stickers might help the police in that if an underage
drinker is caught with a bottle of Buckfast they can trace the shop it was
bought from and either give them a rap on the knuckles or ask them to help
identify who might have bought it for them (might not be so easy if it’s a big
shop), or, if they stole it, it would help make theifs easier to identify
too.

But if they think banning Buckfast will stop crime or stop people drinking,
they are living in cloud cuckoo land. You’d just by another brand of tonic
wine, wouldn’t you? And if tonic wine is unavailable, what about cider? Super
lager? Or table wine?

And of couse, if all alcohol is band, did prohibition in America reduce
crime…?

…hmm, not that I heard, lol…

Woman on a Raft
February 23, 2013 at 18:53

I’ve just finished filtering and bottling a batch of my home-made sloe gin
which was mis-filed at Christmas. I might have a go at a limoncello version
but not now as I’m not safe with a potato peeler for the moment. Looking up
the wiki reciepie reciitpp – thingy – for Bucky, I notice that it is fortified
so it’s not wine so much as kick-ass with an added shot of attitude, which can
happen with caffieineenee. So if you want to make something of it, go ahead,
who knew they grew grapes in Scotland. Labels, I’ll give ‘em labels, if I can
just unstick this one which has got stuc k and I was trying to write something
on it but I can’t remember what oh well, it’s Dad’s Army soon

Joe Public February 23, 2013 at 18:24

The Streisand Effect strikes again.

davidb February 23, 2013 at 18:10

Its not cheap either. Buckie – as its affectionately known here in the
Buckfast Triangle – is quite drinkable, if an acquired taste. Banning it would
only result in higher sales of White Lightning or some other inferior brew. We
used to do QC British Sherry when we were young, but we did live in the more
upmarket Airdrie as opposed to Coatbridge – the spiritual centre of the
triangle. Readers may wish to follow this informative link for background
research http://www.bebo.com/BlogView.jsp?MemberId=2276624889&BlogId=2448313307

Anyway, the police don’t need to put a sticker on the obvious criminals.
They usually have the word “Bank” in their title.

Anna
Raccoon February 23, 2013 at
19:19

Whatever happened to Sanatogen?

Ancient + Tattered
Airman February 23, 2013 at 20:06

Still readily available:

Multivitamin & minerals including GINKGO BILOBA and GINSENG.

Multivitamin multimineral food supplement, 90 tablets.

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formulation with 25 essential vitamins and minerals, plus Ginko and
Ginseng, specially designed for adults 50 years old and over to help
maintain health and vitality. As you get older, your daily nutritional
needs change. That’s why Sanatogen Vital 50+ contains Ginkgo Biloba,
Ginseng, plus Iron and Calcium to help you stay on top form.

Allergy Information
Free From: Gluten, Lactose

Other Information
Additives: Free From Yeast

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Additives: Free From Artificial Flavours

Additives: Free From Artificial Preservatives

Ingredients

Dicalcium Phosphate,Cellulose ,Vitamin C (Ascorbic Acid) ,Magnesium
Oxide ,Potassium Chloride ,Ferrous Fumarate ,Hydroxypropyl Methylcellulose
,Zinc Oxide ,Niacin (Nicotinamide) ,Vitamin E (DL-Alpha-Tocopherol
Acetate) ,Magnesium Stearate ,Modified Maize Starch ,Cross-Linked Sodium
Carboxymethylcellulose ,Silicon Dioxide ,Colours (Titanium Dioxide, Iron
Oxide) ,Maltodextrin ,Sugar (Sucrose) ,Vitamin B6 (Pyridoxine
Hydrochloride) ,Manganese Sulphate ,Glycerol ,Maize Starch ,Mannitol
,Korean Ginseng Extract ,Copper Sulphate ,Thiamin (Thiamine Mononitrate)
,Riboflavin ,Vitamin A (Retinyl Acetate) ,Acacia ,Hydroxypropyl Cellulose
,Folic Acid (Folacin) ,Antioxidant (Tocopherol) ,Triglycerides ,Biotin
,Sodium Selenite ,Ginkgo Biloba Extract ,Chromium Chloride ,Sodium
Molybdate ,Potassium Iodide ,Vitamin D (Cholecalciferol) ,Vitamin B12
(Cyanocobalamin)

Engineer
February 23, 2013 at 21:48

Horlicks abuse? Are there any recorded cases?

Moor
Larkin February 23, 2013 at 17:51

I seem to recall “Stella Artois” was colloquially known as “Wifebeater”
amongst the proles, back when strong beer from Europe was first being
imported….

Engineer February 23, 2013 at 21:47

It was ‘Stellar Fartois’ when I was a student…

*apologies to the Landlady for lowering the tone*

Moor Larkin February 24, 2013 at 01:48

Always rely on Tom Watson for a giggle………

“Stella Artois has been nicknamed “Wife Beater” in the United Kingdom,
due to a perception that excessive consumption causes violent behaviour.
In January 2012, British MP Tom Watson discovered that a public relations
firm, Portland Communications, hired by Stella Artois, had been removing
this fact from Wikipedia.”

Ancient + Tattered
Airman February 23, 2013 at 17:50

Her Majesty’s Customs and Excise should be regarded with deep suspicion.
They take far too much of our money and place it in the ‘care’ of our
Politicians who then ‘entrust’ it to our glorious Civil Service who then
fritter it all away on asinine projects and internal empire building and then
demand more of the same.

JuliaM February
24, 2013 at 05:36

Her Majesty’s Customs and Excise are no more – they were merged with the
Inland Revenue to form one giant, unwieldy organisation called HM Revenue
& Customs.

bruce February 23, 2013 at 17:38

Do MPs travel First Class, and didn’t they have a bit of a rep for
imaginative expenses claims?

Anna
Raccoon February 23, 2013 at
17:49

Anti-crime sticker on first class! I like it!

Joe Public
February 23, 2013 at 18:18

Rather, an Anti-crime Sticker on each MP.