The Right Honourable Nick Clegg MP
c/o The Office of the Deputy Prime Minister
70 Whitehall
SW1A 2AS
28th April 2012

Dear Deputy Prime Minister,

You have never met me, but I am writing to you to ask a favour. It is not, however a favour for me. It is a favour for someone whom I have never met, but who has served you very well over the years.

I do confess that I have very limited credentials in terms of voting for you, or your party. I was, as it happens, a founder member of the SDP all those years ago when many of us dreamed on “breaking the mold” of British politics. I am afraid that was long ago. I can pray in aid that I voted LibDem at the last election, but I would have to confess that it was something of a tactical vote, in order to get my appalling incumbent MP out.

However, the matter upon which I write is not really about party politics. It is about common humanity and decency, and I appeal to you to read this and take action.

Here is how it is.

I follow a certain person on Twitter. Her current present name or “handle” (call it what you will) is “The LibDem Pot Plant @SpideyAndLilah” and her bio reads as follows:

“LibDem blogger and campaigner. Bread maker, and quilt maker. Falls over a lot and can’t open Dairylea Triangles. Mum to Lilah the JRT”

“JRT” stands for Jack Russell terrier, by the way. Rather sweet.

Now let me explain what has happened, and why it is important that you intercede. The camera obscura that is Twitter does not permit me to know the full facts, but these are the essential ones as I understand them to be.

This woman is a decent cove, albeit a bit eccentric, but that is no bad thing. I do know her name, but given the vagaries of the internet I would prefer not to reveal it. I will simply refer to her as “Spidey”.

I understand that until recently she has held down a decent job in local government.

I sense she has a heart of gold. She used to have a Jack Russell terrier called Mickey who was obviously the love of her life, but sadly Mickey died and her grief was very moving. A few months ago she acquired a replacement in the form of the charming Lilah, another Jack Russell.

I do not know about Mickey, but Lilah is a “rescue” dog, and it is clear that she had been very badly treated by her former owners. “Spidey” has seen to her treatment and healed her.

All these matters commend her to me, and should commend her to you too.

It is clear that “Spidey” is an intelligent and passionate woman. It is also clear to me that two unfortunate things have happened. The first is that has got herself into a bit of a financial pickle, and some debts which are a burden. However I do not have the sense that she is a spendthrift.

The second is that unfortunately she has been made redundant.

She seems not to have any network of family that can support her.

These matters have caused her great distress, as is understandable. I suspect that she is in anti depressants.

I follow her desperate and so far fruitless search for new employment on Twitter with a breaking heart. Her situation seems most distressing, but this is the nub of it, and the point which really gets me.

She is in danger of losing her home because she cannot pay the rent. That is bad enough but if she loses her home she will have to stay in a hostel (supposing she can find one). But if she does that they will not accept the charming Lilah. And so what is to become of the dog that has been saved?

It seems to me not only bad enough that an intelligent, passionate and good hearted woman is in these perilous circumstances; it is tragic that she faces the loss of her gentle companion whom she loves, and whom she has already saved once from the consequences of inhumanity.

So I am writing to you, Deputy Prime Minister, to ask for you to help. I do not know you personally, but I am willing to believe that you have a streak of humanity and that if you read this you will be moved and will take action.

You should be. There is no doubt that the cuts that your coalition has implemented, whether right or wrong in the long term, have results for ordinary people like this. And I say ordinary people because you are not and ordinary person. You are no doubt a highly intelligent person, but you come from highly privileged and wealthy background. You will never know what it is like to fear being made homeless, or be forced to lose the one you love because of poverty.

And whilst you no doubt serve your constituents and the country to the best of your ability, you should bear in mind that this good lady has been your stalwart, out on the streets, campaigning, delivering leaflets, drumming up support, blogging. Doing all the little things that make your party tick, and which maybe make no impact at all, or maybe mean that your party is now in government, and that you sit in Cabinet.

I am therefore writing to you, Deputy Prime Minister, to ask you to step in. You may say: “I cannot become involved in individual cases.” But you can. Just because you cannot personally intervene in all cases does not mean that you cannot intervene in this case. You owe this lady. Your party owes her. You are in her debt for all the hours of seemingly fruitless campaigning, of plodding the streets in the poring rain delivering your message, for the blogging and the fund raising.

I ask you to help because helping would simply be the right thing to do.

You may ask, Deputy Prime Minister, what it is that I want you to do. I do not expect you to provide her with a new job, although I would be mightily impressed if you do. I do, however, ask you and your party to assist this good soul in her time of crisis. I am sure that this bright and articulate lady will find new employment in time, notwithstanding the basket case that the political and financial classes have made of our economy.

However, I expect you and your party to stand by her. You, or someone very senior in your party, should be in touch with this lady. You should be pledging moral support in her hour of need. And there is one very simple practical thing that I ask you to do. I ask you, and your party, to make sure that she is not made homeless and separated from her companion.

That, Deputy Prime Minister, is the favour I ask of you. Not to see a kind and intelligent woman who has long supported your party from being out on the streets and separated from a loved pet that she has saved from cruel mistreatment.

I do not think it is too much to ask. It seems to me that as a matter of honour it is the least that you and your party can do.

Therefore, Deputy Prime Minister, I ask you to intercede. I do not know how you will go about this. Perhaps your party will fund her rent for a little while. If that is a breach of party rules, then I suggest you break them, quite openly and with good cheer. You and your party will reap the benefit of good will you will know that you have done the right thing. Perhaps you personally will have to assist her with a payment. I hope it does not come to that, but if it does, it does. I am sure she will repay you.

Deputy Prime Minister, I do not care how you go about assisting this kind and loyal woman. I simply ask you to use the power and influence that you have to effect a practical solution.

I pray, and expect, that you will do the right thing in this matter.

Yours sincerely,

Gildas T. Monk

The Dishonourable Nick Clegg
April 29, 2012 at 18:52

Dear Minions,

I received your letter and thought I should reply to you online before I have one of my staff compose a proper reply.

I just want to say that I understand the pain the poor of this country are experiencing at the moment but it is a price worth paying. The cuts to this budget and the job losses in every community in the land are a price worth paying for the following reasons.

As the leader of the Fib Dems I am duty bound to sell honour, integrity and any policy in order to have a huge payrise, a massive pension and political power.

One thing the people of the UK can be sure about is that no matter how bad it gets here domestically we shall still be sending hundreds of millions abroad to countries that hate us, cultures that make war with us and people who do not need our assistance.

Thanks to this governments policies we have GPS Buses in India, Schools in China and Madrasses in Pakistan. We have also borrowed billions in your names and given this to the IMF.

Surely now you understand why we have taken money from old ladies, hospitals and schools but have managed to fund a couple of wars and renew our nuclear deterent contract for a cool £130 Billion.

Do not worry though I have given my written pledge to abolish tuition fee’s at the next election and everyone knows I am a man of my word.

I must dash as I have a game of tennis booked with my good friend and neighbour Frédéric Michel to thank him for keeping my name out of the Murdoch evidence at the Leveson enquiry.

Kind Regards,

Prick Clegg

Frank
April 29, 2012 at 08:30

Well Gildas, I’ve read your letter a couple of times and I think there must be something missing because I’m still not getting it. Tell me again why this woman is such a special case. Is it just because she has a dog that makes her a special case or is it something else?
Do you think other people in a similar situation would deserve special treatment from the deputy PM if they got themselves a dog?
Would that be a good angle for the dog rehoming people to push? I can see the leaflets now:
“REHOME THIS DOG AND NICK CLEGG WILL PAY YOUR RENT!!”

Mudplugger
April 29, 2012 at 09:45

I’m with you on this, Frank.

Although ‘Spidey’ may be unfortunate, the single show-stopper to her gaining accommodation appears to be the dog. Get rid of the dog, accommodation problem solved.

Let’s face it, unless you’re blind, a shepherd, a rescue operative or a detector of drugs/explosives, there is no logical purpose to keeping a domesticated dog. If it is some sort of substitute for human affection, then maybe some form of counselling is needed – either that or get a goldfish – cheaper to keep, don’t demand walks, no vets’ bills and landlords don’t mind them.

Some people just refuse to recognise that they are the script-writers of their own tragedy and they actually have the facility to resolve it without requiring, or demanding, any state intervention. This sounds like just such a case – grow up, Spidey dear, and ditch the hound or ditch the bitching – your choice.
(Unfortunately, I can’t see Nick Clegg wording it quite like that, more’s the pity.)

Backwoodsman
April 29, 2012 at 14:40

”””’The more I see of people, the more I prefer my dogs….

Ted Treen
April 29, 2012 at 22:06

…and I my cats…

Zanshin
April 30, 2012 at 21:45

Yes indeed.

JonP
April 29, 2012 at 01:02

While I have sympathy for your friend, I find it kinda strange that people think Clegg has any power at all. From tuition fees (to which the Lib Dems were the only (significant) party opposed) to NHS reforms. People seem to condemn him for not doing anything but then fail to remember his party was THIRD in the elections, anything the Lib Dems manage to do is with the consent of the Conservatives. Yep, not enough people voted for him, but are eager to slate him for not achieving the Lib Dem mandate. Ho hum.
So long story short, you’d be better off pleading to the organ grinder than his monkey.

Ex Pat Kiwi
April 28, 2012 at 20:58

A well written letter. I hope you get the response you seek. If not I commend you for at least trying.

permanentexpat
April 28, 2012 at 18:29

Looking for a heart in a politician?
Far better for her to follow Brian’s advice….there are folk with no problems at all happily feeding on the taxpayers’ teat.

Zanshin
April 30, 2012 at 21:43

“…there are folk with no problems at all happily feeding on the taxpayers’ teat”

Oh, do give it a rest! One day you’re a taxpayer, then you’re unemployed with a mortgage/rent to pay and a family to support. When will you be happy? When we have shanty towns on the outskirts of all big cities, more cardboard boxes to be used as shelter.
There’s nothing that pisses me off more than smugly saying “I’m alright Jack” bollocks.

Andrew
April 28, 2012 at 16:32

Bit strange for a liberal blog to be posting in support of someone like this…

There are plenty of people out there who could do with help and who haven’t worked in and campaigned for the state.

Brian
April 28, 2012 at 14:51

I hope you didn’t invest in a stamp for your letter because Nickie Clegg doesn’t reply and I am 99.999% certain you will get a letter from the Office of the Prime Minister thanking you for writing but that the matters rai