Blimey, you turn your back for five minutes and the world changes irrevocably.
The Baptist Church, the Bible Society and the Church of England are in agreement. Holding hands, happy clapping together, lifting their skirts and dancing a merry two step in perfect formation.
Not on homosexuality, or whether God exists, or women bishops or anything minor like that, but they are all singing from the same hymn sheet on a matter dear to their hearts.
Mammon to be precise.
It seems you can serve two masters, God and Mammon, after all. Nay, they reserve the right to do so, demand to do so. Hallelujah.
Into the money-lenders tent they pile, a mere six months after the Archbishop of Canterbury, dear little woolly Rowan Atkinson or whoever he was, said:
The urgent larger issues raised by the protesters at St Paul’s remain very much on the table and we need – as a Church and as society as a whole – to work to make sure that they are properly addressed.
Now before #occupylsx get too excited and assume that the Church in whose crypt they crapped is suggesting sharing its money with the 99%, I must point out that these various religious leaders and worthy charities are only advocating a ‘fair shares for all’ approach in very specific circumstances.
Having ‘resolved’ in a series of late night get togethers over the Christmas raffle Sherry bottle, to go forth with a common purpose, they have come out fighting this morning on tablets of stone.
They called for action against large bonuses at the top of major companies, urging investors to use shareholder meetings to vote against unfair pay schemes at firms in which they hold a stake.
Such concern for the starving widows and orphans whose worldly goods are tied up in these companies! Like I said, don’t get too excited. On closer inspection we see that it is not actually the church itself which is advocating fair shares for all – but a consortium of trustees of church funds.
A group of leading charity investors, including the managers of the Church’s £5 billion portfolio of property and investments, said soaring salaries and bonuses demonstrated a “wider malaise” in corporate life.
The ‘wider malaise’ turns out to be not starving widows and orphans, but shareholding Church trustees:
“We are concerned that rewards to executives have been rising out of proportion to rewards to shareholders who own these companies and whose investments are at risk.
“As shareholders, we have rights to contribute to the governance of companies in which we are invested. We believe it is our duty to use these rights.”
Good to see that the Church of England, having plundered the assets of the Church of Rome, is concerned that the money lenders and money launderers in the City aren’t giving them their fair share of usury.
Now that they’ve figured out how to come to agreement on protecting the pound in their cassocks, perhaps they might like to turn their attention to some of the other less pressing moral dilemmas that face us?