News of the World Disinterred
Is there any reputation so putrid, so tarnished, that it cannot be further damaged? Gordon Brown excepted, I suspect not.
A boulder has been pushed away from the cave into which the poor old News of the World retired, along with some 300 decent men and women, and the brand is once again brandishing its red top arrogance on-line. The perils of not registering all the possible domain names. newsoftheworldonline.eu
Whatever the sins of the old smudges and scribblers who toiled in its bowels, they would be hard pushed to match the reputations of their editorial replacements in this reincarnation. Believe me, I shall save the best for lastâ¦
I was so stunned at what I was looking at, that I rang some of the âadvertisersâ that appeared to be financially supporting this enterprise. Le Caprice? The Ivy Restaurant? The Cambridge Union Society? These are respectable outfits with faultless reputations, what on earth were they doing putting money into this shambles?
Needless to say, they were as shocked as I was. They are not paying for any advertising, had no idea that they were advertising and thus lending a veneer of respectability to the rag. A spokesman for Caprice Holdings said: âI can confirm that Caprice Holdingsâ restaurants do not advertise on this site.â No doubt they will be taking their own course of action.
âWe deliver news to our readers we do not create news!â says the banner heading. Not quite true, my lovelies. A quick glance at some of the âcontributing editorsâ reveals a catalogue of names that could have come from the pages of Slipper of the Yardâs autobiography. Letâs see, thereâsâ¦
Chris Christodoulides â could that be this Chris Christodoulides, there is a certain similarity about the faceâ¦..jailed for nine years for organising a £1m illegal Romanian immigration scam.
Or Jim Connor, âsports editorâ â surely no relation to the paedophile Jim Connor languishing in a Romanian jail, couldnât be! There are a lot of âfacesâ that look like that in Scotland, all those deep fried Mars bars I guess.
Or Ian Strachan, âroyal correspondentâ who looks remarkably like the Ian Strachan best remembered for trying to blackmail the royal family.
Even the legal advisers find it difficult to stay out of Jail. Simon Jowett â âcontributing editor legal affairsâ hit the headlines when he was locked up after a minor altercation at Brixton Prison. Simon Jowett? Of course, part of Ronnie Biggâs defence team, that will explain another trusted reporter on the paperâ¦.
Michael Biggs. Son of Ronnie. No more need be said.
Surely the âcontributing editor security and diplomatic affairsâ will not turn out to be involved in curious goings on? *Sighs* Step forward Robert Eringer. Sheesh!
Then we have Victoria Cluskey, otherwise known as âMaybe Gagaâ not for her mental health issues, but her frequent appearances as a faux Lady Gaga. When not appearing as a Counterfeit Kyle Minogue.
Or Tricia Walsh-Smith, memorably described by her divorce judge as having conducted âa calculated and callous campaign to embarrass and humiliate her husbandâ â that was her embarrassing YouTube efforts, not writing for âThe News of the World Onlineâ by the way. That embarrassment occurred some years later.
All busily scribbling away in support of CEO â one Giovanni di Stefano. Name ring a bell? Yes, that Giovanni di Stefano, one of Saddam Husseinâs legal team â and Slobodan Milosevic; shall I throw in Harold Shipman and Gary Glitterâs legal adviser for good measure? I quite forgot, Ronnie Biggs too. Despite apparently claiming that he was a qualified Italian lawyer and thus defrauding Paula Gregory-Dade out of £120,000, and (I havenât anywhere near finished!) âabusing his position as a legal advisor to Stafford William Gillies Freeborn and Alberto and Linda Sgoluppiâ.
Then there is the small matter of Prosecutors alleging that he stole a convertible BMW 325i from BMW Financial Services and dishonestly acquired £83,000. It is also claimed he had access to criminal proceeds of more than £70,000 in a Lloyds TSB account.
*Draws breath*
Then there are the ten counts of obtaining money transfers by deception, one count of attempting to obtain a money transfer by deception and one count of theft; and three counts of acquiring criminal property, one count of using criminal property and two counts of fraud that he has recently been arrested in Spain on a European Arrest Warrant for â due to stand trial in 2013.
And I still havenât mentioned that he is also charged with pocketing £10,000 from Christine Smith to represent her husband Michael at a sentencing hearing in December 2005 and during his subsequent appeal against conviction nor that he is said to have attempted to pocket â¬10,000 from a Laurent Penchef in the same way.
Naturally they have a book serialisation, as every paper should have, and what do they chose? The tome by discredited and convicted perjurer and ex-policeman, Gonçalo Amaral, âThe Forbidden Investigationâ â his account of the shambolic investigation he headed for a brief five months into the disappearance of Madeleine McCann. What else?
âWe donât make the newsâ â this shower are rarely out of the news â the old News of the World must be spinning in its grave. Not so much âScrews of the Worldâ more âOld Lags of the Worldâ!
*Update* Mr Di Stefano has now removed himself to a new web site – where he is happily claiming to have ‘told the world first‘ – ahead of the Exposure documentary on Jimmy Savile.
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1
February 13, 2012 at 08:49 -
Bravo, and what a joy to read on a damp Monday morning.
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2
February 13, 2012 at 09:01 -
What a bunch! But then would it not be a good idea to have a genuinely relaunched News of The Screws which would just that; dedicated to the tawdry and tacky? There has been a distinct lack of the tawdry to go with my Allegri’s Miserere, organic wheatgrass power juice, Duchy sausages and skinny decaf latte and Sunday Times of a weekend. I really miss headlines which feature the word “bedded” invariably followed by some improbable multipier, and of course the sacred mantra “suddenly I found myself naked in his arms”. Rod Liddle does his best, poor man, but he just cant quite cut it.
Of course this may all be a craving with a dark Fraudian subtext!
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5
February 13, 2012 at 09:28 -
I really don’t know where you dig this stuff up, Anna; but the good news is that if all these dreadful people can now be found in the same place, then it’s surely time to call in an air-strike; a few minutes’ worth of unpleasantness (involving copious amounts of napalm) and – we are done!
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6
February 13, 2012 at 19:50 -
Sorry, I can’t agree about napalm (not that we ever had any of course, we had liquid chemical bombs). Might I suggest a ‘Bake and Shake’ where fragmentation bombs are used in conjunction with the said liquid chemical er devices?
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7
February 13, 2012 at 10:31 -
Rupert needs to act and fastâ¦
He needs to close down the News of the World, before it tarnishes News International’s reputation.
Ohâ¦.
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8
February 13, 2012 at 10:39 -
Maybe Rupert knows and it’s a good way to divert responsibility? Wasn’t us m’lord, it must have been those imposters.
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9
February 13, 2012 at 11:13 -
*speechless*
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10
February 13, 2012 at 11:19 -
Is there any reputation so putrid, so tarnished, that it cannot be further damaged?
Well, it’s rumoured the Met offered tactful assistance with the re-launch.
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11
February 13, 2012 at 11:20 -
I have not looked at the site but the cast list suggests it is a rather elaborate joke.
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12
February 21, 2012 at 12:31 -
Looks like he hasnt paid his staff and they have reclaimed the site!!! Read this….
http://newsoftheworldonline.eu/feed-categories/5191-exclusive-why-this-website-is-not-being-updated
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