It is a well known mathematical and philosophical conundrum. If the universe is infinite, then somewhere, according to the laws of probability, there must be an infinite number of monkeys sitting on front of type writers. And one of them will just have banged out Hamlet, purely randomly.
Obviously Infinite Monkey Theory has been much on the mind of South Tyneside Council of late.
For a little while a blogger and tweeter (are they the same person – who can tell) going by the pseudonym of “Mr Monkey” has been “monkeying about” with the reputation of certain councillors and worse, one or two Council officials. Ooooh!
The cheeky Monkey has been saying that certain councillors and officials have been doing things that they really should not have been doing. What these might be I cannot, of course, say. But the council has been so upset at the antics of Mr Monkey, and SO concerned for mental health and well being of its officials, that it has gone to court in California to force Twitter to hand over the details of the eponymous Mr Monkey.
The Council suspect that the author of the blog is independent councillor Ahmed Khan. Some say it is Ryan Giggs. Others, that it is amazing manifestation of Infinite Monkey Theory. I myself know not.
I have just heard a councillor on the radio describing Mr Monkey’s blog a “filthy”, “perverted” and a “product of a sick individual.” Which is very odd, because from what I have seen, it made no allegations of a sexual nature at all. It merely commented on the ins and outs of Town Hall politics. And it appears to have shut down in 2009 anyway.
In the course of the little escapade it is clear that the Council has racked up a healthy legal bill. Estimates vary from £50,000 to £75,000 so far. That’s so far, by the way.
It appears that the councillors have been willing to spend a great deal of public money, and of their employees’ time, hunting down Mr Monkey. Next time may I recommend a tracker from the Matis tribe of Brazil?
Hells of a shot with a blow pipe those fellers, and they’ll track monkeys all week for a dollar and a couple of beers. A lot cheaper than my learned friends (especially Californian attorneys), and they’ll even eat the monkey for you, which would certainly tie up a few loose ends from the Council’s point of view.
Of course, the inevitable result of this exercise is that Mr Monkey and his blog is spreading all over the web and twitter like a rash in true “I’m Spartacus” style. Well done South Tyneside Council! What value for money! What a wonderful use of resources in a cash strapped area where people struggle for work and facilities! What a victory! How to turn a minor blog into a worldwide sensation. You have just spent £75,000 giving free advertising space to copy written by a monkey. All together now:
Oooobi do! I wanna be like you oooh oooh!
Gildas the Monk