Tales From The Cabinet Room Bug
Event#Start_Recording
Call Me Dave: “Welcome, colleagues, a jolly good day to save the planet by inventing new taxes and throwing more money at the PIIGS. Theresa, how are we doing on law and order? THERESA! Why are you wearing a maid’s outfit?”
TM: “I was getting ridiculed in the media for my StarTrek outfits, I thought it would make a change…”
CMD: [Allo Allo Rene voice]:”You stoopeed wooman, I ‘ave been practically fellating the Frogs to get a loan of their aircraft carrier, La Gloire Francais De Waterloo” [French version of history] ” and you piss them off by reminding them that their top politicos need their nuts to be in a high-speed housebrick sandwich! We’ll move on to Chris, what’s the progress on the windmill policy, or has someone else signed the paperwork…?” [crafty dig]
CH: “Jawohl, mein Fuehrer!” [clicks heels and lifts right arm]
CMD: “Eh? I know you LibDems are madder than a march hare on peyote but what’s with the Kraut-speak?”
CH: “It’s how I think of you baby-eaters, with your torchlight parades in Tunbridge Wells and book-burnings in Bexley”
CMD: “We were only burning Gatso recordings where politicians had the starring role, BUT THE WHIP’S OFFICE KEPT ONE BACK FROM THE FLAMES………..! Something you might like to bear in mind, together with the Dirty Digger speed-dial on my mobile…”
CH: “Er, gulp, sorry PM, utmost respect, you have my complete loyalty, and anything else you want, Cable’s head on a platter, rotten boroughs where only landed gentry vote, anything…”
CMD: [triumphant grin] “The traditional political phrase is appropriate, ‘One day, the Godfather will ask for a favour in return…’Calamity, I hope you’re taking notes, you may need some of these techniques before long… Ken, how’s the rape getting on? KEN!!”
KC: [hruumph] “Is that the alarm clock? What time is it here in Brussels? Has Nurse brought my morning medication? Have all the naughty rapists and serial killers been given a good telling off by their house-masters and pardoned yet? My incontinence pants need emptying”
CMD: “Oh dear, it’s a good job nobody will read this for thirty years, Inspector Knacker assures me that despite the police cuts their best team of geeks has swept the room for bugs, although the Lidl discount yard brooms they were using baffled me a bit. Any other business?”
Vince: “I just want to say you’re an absolute shit.”
CMD: “Takes one to know one. But I guess none of us would have made it to Cabinet level if we weren’t adequately qualified on that score. Right, I declare the meeting closed. The chairs are bolted to the floor but feel free to use your fists and any other weapons you’ve brought with you once I’ve left the room…”
Event#End_Recording
Author’s note. I mock all politicians, left, right & centre, it just happens to be the Coalition’s turn today.
Livewire
-
May 20, 2011 at 15:09 -
“…. top politicos need their nuts to be in a high-speed housebrick sandwich!”
has to be Quote of the Week.
-
May 20, 2011 at 16:58 -
I agree with Joe Public – wonderful phrase and so pleasing to the imagination.
-
May 20, 2011 at 17:06 -
Great graphic choice, tks Anna or SBML.
This is where I find out who I’ve p’d off in previous comments…
Mea culpa, my spellchecker did it (particularly that Norwegian insult that Sister E got in a reply). -
May 21, 2011 at 06:36 -
“Author’s note. I mock all politicians, left, right & centre, it just happens to be the Coalition’s turn today.”
With them, you’ve got all three anyway…
-
May 21, 2011 at 08:53 -
“…. top politicos need their nuts to be in a high-speed housebrick sandwich!”
I fear this is grossly [discrimina]tory, patriarchal, sexist and very probably in breach of numerous EU dictats Whoops! I mean regulations, without the addition of,
“…or their tits trapped firmly in a mangle.”
I trust this helps.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }