How should a man or woman live? What personal philosophy should we embrace as we live our allotted span on Earth?

This is a question rarely asked, yet it seems an important question.

I reflect on this greatly as I get older. Perhaps that is inevitable. As the well worn saying goes, youth is wasted on the young. And with middle age comes reflection.

Before going any further let me say at once that I am in no position to cast stones at anyone. If anything, I would say that the chief purpose of my existence on this mortal plane to date has been a rather spectacular demonstration of how to get it all wrong. There is no folly, stupidity or recklessness that I have not indulged in, from not marrying the right woman to marrying the wrong one. There is no proud boast that I have not idiotically made only to find the metaphorical egg streaming down my face. I have been a “man about town” (so to speak), a wag, a wanton and a clown. There is no “sin” that I have not indulged in, sometimes with fleeting pleasure, sometimes with long and painful regret, before I adopted this Monkish persona, retreating somewhat from ordinary life. Rather, I reflect on this issue with a touch of melancholy.

How the should a man or woman live? This is my conclusion.

Quietly, soberly, with simplicity, and a sense of purpose.

There is no need to be a clashing cymbal or a braying ass. The modern world confuses natural modesty for lack of self worth.

But self worth and self love is a proper and necessary virtue. A wise man, therefore, should learn how to love himself. This is not to be confused with allowing free reign to the ego. It is to develop a proper sense of self respect and that whoever you are you are a work of art in progress and a wonder of creation. As is so often and wisely said, if you do not love and value yourself you can hardly expect anyone else to do so. In a sense to love and respect yourself is the most important virtue because it provides the inspiration to care for and refine your mind, body and soul (if you believe in such matters). So you will get take that walk, go to that gym, run that marathon, lay off that second beer, dress better, feel better, act better, be better to others. It is not, I think, selfish to start with the self, because it is your only vehicle external action. In fact it is the only place you can start.

A wise man should live simply, but this does by any means mean live in poverty or without abundance. This is often problematical for religion which over the centuries has often equated poverty with holiness. Well, without going into details I have been poor, and I can tell you there is nothing holy about it all. A lot of the trouble has been caused by oft quoted phrases “For the love of money is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10) and “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God” (Mark 10:25). This is not the time or the place for a long winded theological debate. Suffice to say that in my personal view all that was being said is that being obsessed with money for its own sake does not lead to true happiness. In fact, according to some, if one understands the metaphors correctly one can read a great deal of both the Old and New Testament as a positive invocation to go forth and earn a packet. Simply does not mean without luxury, which is a good thing. It means without over complication, ostentation and self indulgence. It means having what you need, and not what you want to show off. But having the “good” things in life is right and proper.

A wise man therefore should make it his business to make his life a business and use his waking hours to good effect. He should make it his life’s object to become financially independent of all others so that whatever vicissitudes of misfortune affect the economy (and they always have and always will Gordon, if you are reading this) he will be secure against the storm. He should spend less than he earns. And although I come from a Roman Catholic background, I can’t help but feel that a solid dose of Protestant work ethic is a very good and necessary thing. This is a point which may well strike a chord with those many readers who have a Libertarian bent, because financial independence from the State is in my humble opinion an important foundation for freedom of view, expression and action.

This is part of the sense of purpose which I referred to above, but perhaps also a wise man should have a sense of a wider purpose in the world in general, and of contribution. A few weeks ago a posted a couple of short essays on my annual fishing trips to Scotland.

The man who organises these trips is a superbly skilled fisherman I called Wingnut. One day I asked Wingnut why he continued to invite me when I am so obviously a most incompetent fisherman. That is because, he explained, everyone on the trip “brings something to the party”. What it was he asserted I brought to the party in issue I will not relate, but the point has a wider application. We all have different skills, abilities and characteristics. But everyone brings something to unique the party, whatever it is: be it writing a blog, setting up a children’s refuge in Romania or being the best nurse you can be in an old folk’s home.

And finally, a wise man and woman should be lucky enough to find, love and cherish their partner. Perhaps this is indeed a matter of pure luck. Perhaps there is nothing lucky about it at all. I can’t help but feel life has a funny way of bringing people together – what they make of that is another matter. And whilst on this topic, I want to talk about sex, baby. There is a lot of rubbish talked about this. A happy and a healthy sex life is an important part of a truly happy and successful marriage or partnership. It seems to me that once again for many reasons which we can all speculate upon, “religious” and social, society has always been uptight about this issue. But if I was to get all preachy about it, I’d say it’s what the Good Lord designed for you, so don’t ignore it, or your partner will ignore you. I’m speaking from personal experience here.

Perhaps you will recall the moving scene in “The Shawshank Redemption” in which after years of incarceration Red confronts the parole board. He dismisses their patronising questions, but explain how he would like to go back and speak to his 18 year old self and talk some sense into him.

It is a sentiment I share.

But on a more forward thinking note, what do readers make of my philosophical ramblings. Are they pious platitudinous rubbish? Or how might they be corrected, improved or expanded? Could we at Raccoon develop a practical philosophy for living a full and good life? Over to you.

The picture above, by the way is John Donne. A wild, headstrong, womanising and turbulent man in his youth some say, he wrote some of the most beautiful and indeed erotic poetry to grace the English language. He ended up Dean of St Paul’s.

Make of that what you will.

Gildas the Monk

1
JuliaM
May 8, 2011 at 07:31

“But on a more forward thinking note, what do readers make of my philosophical ramblings. Are they pious platitudinous rubbish? Or how might they be corrected, improved or expanded? Could we at Raccoon develop a practical philosophy for living a full and good life? Over to you.”

In order of questions:
I look forward to them.
No.
Give it a shot!

2
Randy Hack
May 8, 2011 at 07:57

You are always so kind!

3
Gordo
May 8, 2011 at 08:04

“If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it.”

Marcus Aurelius

4
Gildas theMonk
May 8, 2011 at 08:13

Thank you! More suggestions please.
One I should have added is: find a sense of humour!

5
Snaptophobic
May 8, 2011 at 09:43

Oh, I have a sense of humour. I cultivate it, despite all traces of levity being beaten out of Real Life.

A sense of humour, and retaining contact with my inner child rather than setting aside all childish things, I find helps me get through some bleak times.

Whether my SOH will hold up in the coming months remains to be seen, but I’ll do my best to face the world with a grin.

6
Engineer
May 8, 2011 at 09:14

Gildas, what an excellent piece; thoughtful, thought-provoking, and entirely appropriate that it is posted on a Sunday.

In a reflective mood, a colleague of mine once said that a man with a skill, and the chance to apply his skill, is a man with pride in himself, and a man with pride in himself will be a positive contributor to society. By pride, he didn’t mean false pride or arrogance, he meant the same quiet, modest self-respect that you referred to. I’ve always remembered that because I think it’s quite profound.

I’m going to mull your words over. I think there’s more depth to this than the mere words, and it deserves some careful reflection.

7
Lilith
May 8, 2011 at 09:15

“Loving yourself” is a really important one. I am not a Christian, but Jesus was bang on when he allegedly said “Love thy neighbour as thyself” or some such. I am always suggesting that people treat themselves with the generosity and compassion they have for their best friend. If you are unkind and thoughtless and disrespectful to yourself others will just take it as “go ahead! shit on me!” and give you more of the same.

8
Robert Edwards
May 8, 2011 at 09:32

A useful and thoughtful post. But the line between ‘experience’ and ‘catastrophic error’ is surely a very fine one; the former being retrospective, the latter merely seeming like a Good Idea At The Time – “What on earth can possibly go wrong…?”

The difference between that time elapsed is surely a matter of being aware of consequences. Maturity gives us this, which is the nub of the Shawshank reference.

But without errors (as we must call them if they stick with us) there would be little or no useful experience. How many people think: “How good and clever of me to have done X, Y or Z?” I know I don’t. The only people I know who think that are either insufferable prigs or too ambitious for their own good. So when we give them a good kicking, is that experience speaking, or the start of another error?

Answers on a postcard, please…

9
WitteringWitney
May 8, 2011 at 10:00

What JuliaM said re the questions and what Engineer said about this post.

“if you do not love and value yourself you can hardly expect anyone else to do so”

An excellent phrase and one that I must file away for future use.

Thanks for excellent post.

10
Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs
May 8, 2011 at 10:23

Carpe diem for me: live each day as though it were your last.

I often thought, what would I do if I had 10 days to live. Where would I go? What places would I see? What would I say and to whom?

Then I thought, why not do them now. And that is what I try to do each day.

I’ve flown Senecas in Australia over the outback, I’ve driven race cars in the USA, windsurfed in the Med, I’ve loved, I’ve lost, failed, divorced, met new friends through the internet, succeeded and failed in business, challenged authority, stood up for some principles, reneged on others, lied, helped, punched, fought, drunk, sung, fallen ill, recovered, argued with doctors, talked nonsense to a Hungarian in German, cycled, online gamed, cooked, laughed and basked in the sun.

What a movie and hopefully only half way through.

11
P. Ondrin
May 8, 2011 at 10:36

I was once cornered by a Jehovah during the course of my working day. In their home. I couldn’t get away until the job was finished. The theme of the lecture ran along the lines that something/someone was going to come and end all the evil and wrong doing in the world. Wouldn’t that be great?
My answer was no! We then went through it all again.
Finally, when my escape was imminent, I pointed out that without the bad, the evil, the wrong, how can you know what is right and good?
It is the same with all things. If you don’t make mistakes you will never really appreciate getting it right. That is what makes every waking moment such a challenge, and life worth living.
No verdict will be made on your performance in life (or possibly your final mistake) until after they nail the lid down. Will you ever get to know? That’s another mystery.

12
View from the Solent
May 8, 2011 at 11:16

Do not forget that the easiest person to fool is yourself.
Or it’s corollary, often (on my part) not achieved – be true to thyself.

13
Joe Public
May 8, 2011 at 11:47

As others have written Gildas, thought-provoking.

“….. financial independence from the State …..” the closer one gets to achieving this, the more the state taxes you to ensure it’s nigh-on-impossible.

Enjoy yourself; be yourself; think not what others think of you.

The mistakes are all there, just waiting to happen – learn from experience.

14
Gildas theMonk
May 8, 2011 at 12:32

What lovely and interesting comments.
I add. Be optimistic!

15
Zaphod
May 8, 2011 at 13:38

Of all the potential combinations of egg and sperm, squillions of them, mine happened. I exist, briefly.

I imagine those who never got a turn, watching what I’m doing with my go on this roller coaster. If I were to complain about some of it, they would howl in protest. Rightly so.

It’s a bloody wonderful ride. Every second.

16
Richard
May 8, 2011 at 14:28

“Quietly, soberly, with simplicity, and a sense of purpose.”

I’m with you on 3 of the 4, but not soberly.

Mind you, being noisy occasionally can be damned good as well – although not of the ‘braying ass’ type.

17
Richard
May 8, 2011 at 14:38

“a solid dose of Protestant work ethic is a very good and necessary thing … because financial independence from the State is an important foundation for freedom ”

Whether or not its because I share your Catholic background, I disagree on the Protestant work ethic.

Yes, financial independence from the State is an essential foundation for freedom (and, I believe, a moral imperative – we should not demand that others to keep us if we could keep ourselves).

But a Protestant Work Ethic implies that work is a good thing in itself. It’s not. Work is merely a means to an end. Once you’ve achieved that end (and that won’t take too long if one of your rules of life is to live in simplicity), then stop working and enjoy yourself (of course if you genuinely enjoy work, then feel free to carry on).

Perhaps I’m unusual, in being a supporter of free markets, low taxes, and the right to become filthy rich, whilst being to idle to be bothered trying become rich myself.

18
Gildas theMonk
May 8, 2011 at 15:29

An interesting point. I was coming to it from this perspective: life isnt easy, and to get things done you have to put the effort in. The old adage of Gary Player – the harder I practice, the luckier you get is in point. Also there is a difference between hard work, which can be satisfying (imagine maybe rebuilding a stone wall, and looked back with a pint of cider after wards in the evening sun). But that is different from toil, which is ugly. The psychologists tell me there is a difference between “eu-stress”, exciting pressure (playing to win in a great game) or distress – pressure with no pleasure and which is harmful. I certainly agree that work for its own sake is not a good thing

19
Engineer
May 8, 2011 at 15:45

Depends what you mean by ‘rich’. By the standards of many parts of the world, those of us with even quite modest means are rich – we have a roof over our heads, warmth when we need it, enough food, a pension pot for our old age and a bit left over for a few little luxuries.

For some, that’s not enough. They crave a bigger house, more cars, more conspicuous consumption than their neighbours. Quite often, that doesn’t bring happiness or contentment with it (which I think is your point, to which I’d agree).

Perhaps, having just enough IS being truly rich.

20
SadButMadLad
May 8, 2011 at 16:45

And it depends on what your unit of richness is. Monetary or emotional. A tribesman in the middle of africa with a hut with a family and close friends, enough land to grow his food, the ability to do some hunting and neighbours to trade with for the bits he can’t make is probably very rich emotionally compared to a euro-millions lottery winner who has everything but no friends.

I vaguely remember some study that worked out that the amount that brought the most emotional richness was around £100K (excluding the home). Enough to not worry about paying an emergency bill and to afford holidays and small luxuries but still low enough to require working in a job of choice rather than necessity and not make all your friends and family envious and jealous.

21
Gildas theMonk
May 8, 2011 at 20:06

“It depends on what your unit on richness is…”
A good phrase. All is context…

22
Engineer
May 8, 2011 at 15:53

I think another thing that helps with leading a good life and enjoying it is a sense of spirituality, or a sense of being a small part of a greater whole. That sense of being temporary, and almost insignificant in the great scheme of things, is somehow very comforting.

I’m aware that that isn’t very clear, or very well expressed; I’m not sure that I can explain it – but it’s there.

23
David Duff
May 8, 2011 at 15:58

Sorry to toss in a pessimistic note but I have a feeling that one cannot ever do very much about oneself. We might aspire to be this, that or other, and we might try hard to to abjure naughtiness despite its frequent deliciousness, but all to no avail – to paraphrase and contradict Iago, ‘I am what I am’.

Even more pessimistically, luck, chance, coincidence, call it what you will, seem to affect lives more than any efforts on the part of the ‘lifers’.

And, dammit, why do the rascals seem to enjoy their lives so much more than the saints?

24
Gildas theMonk
May 8, 2011 at 20:09

Ah but this is a valuable point.
Here is a short answer, because time forbids. I always remember this quote from “The Barefoot Doctor”
“My body is a temple. but it is also a nightclub”
The devil should not have all the good tunes!

25
overthehill
May 8, 2011 at 16:30

An old saying

It isn’t having what you want that matters, but wanting what you have.

26
TimOfEngland
May 8, 2011 at 20:07

Gildas, reflection and contemplation of life indeed. It’s worth doing now and again and made me think (again)…

After 40 years with my wife I’m sometimes convinced it needs two to live the best life. But they must in reality be soul mates. One alone is not always strong enough to bear all the crosses. We got married at 16 & 17, we have 4 children. Each of us has different strengths. I openly admit to having most weaknesses! But then I’m just a man. We basically breezed the early family – by 20/21 we already had 3 little ones. Life was simpler then the rules slacker, we just did what we thought was right! And it seems it mostly was.

Up and down we have been financially for forty years, at one point I was earning > 100,000 a year. At the lowest (2 years ago) < 10,000 net, (caused by borrowing for a massive tax debt from the few good years). 3 (4?) businesses. A few very short "real jobs". Paid literally 100s of 1,000s in taxes, never "claimed income" from the state. Roller-coaster does not even come close! But even at the worst of times, the highest business stress, the worst of personal losses, there stands the other half. Each other's support line.

@David D: You can change, you DO change – I have – it took a long time, but on reaching this age, I know I have changed. After the personal "Tax Crisis" where (as an anecdote) to get to the tax office I had to walk past a Jaguar showroom (and I'm a Jag man) I finally had a cheque in my pocket that would free me from the tax-persecution. I remember stopping outside and saying to myself "I could have that one, or that one, or two of those!" .

This was followed not long after by the banking crisis. They (the tax man) took my money (the money that had and has caused so much stress and pain to raise) from me and gave it straight to the banks for free, just simply for free and then to my horror expected me (and everyone else) to pay again and even more this time!

This led me to study and read about, banking and money at great depth on the internet and in books. In all honesty over 40 years of living and running business, I had not realised the depth of problems with money itself, government money, bank money – make believe money! I changed, I said never again. I stopped worrying, my eyes had been opened.

To get back on topic Given everything, given I started out (not realising it) on rest of my life in 1971 with a young wife and a baby and just over £1.00 plus the first weeks rent (£7.50). I've stopped worrying about most things now. Live to be happy, Live day by day with half an eye on the future – I have more plans, more projects, more activities and more fun now, than I did then (I didn't have a plan in 1971) but we had quite a lot of fun being plan-less!

This, I think is as good a guide as anything:

desiderata – by max ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham,