Those indefatigable swordsmen, our British police have been giving Ed, an unforgettable explosion in the Balls camp this week. It is almost a relief to find that the latest under-the-covers officer shagging in the line of duty was paying his attentions to Mrs Johnson, no need for the Prime Minister to be informed then.
One can only have sympathy for Alan Johnson; it is hard to keep your mind on the rate of National Insurance for employers, when your close protection officer is closer to your young wife than he is to you. A man’s mind wanders in such circumstances.
In a week when priapic plod has managed to shaft the penile system, leading to the collapse of the trial of the Ratcliff-on-Soar protesters, we hear of three other mounted officers ‘in the line of duty’, Marc Jacobs, Lynn Watson and Jim Boyling. Today we must add DC Paul Rice to the Hall of Infamy. DC Rice is to be suspended from his duty of providing close protection to Theresa May for the past year. Has Plod managed to shaft the political system as well? DC Rice is under disciplinary investigation; it is not known whether this was for his close attention to Mrs Johnson or lack of attention to Mrs May. Theresa may have complained.
The word on the street is that news of these personal issues emanated from the Gonad gang, the husband and wife team ever ready to swing into action and rape our economy. Now that Labour officially have two Ed’s leading the Fabian charge against freedom from debt for your children, we are urged to remember the lessons of history. Right – your starter for 10!
- Who stood shoulder to shoulder with the Chancellor who deregulated the City?
- Who helped Gordon Brown build up the biggest deficit in G7 history?
- Who organised Gordon Brown’s sale of our Gold reserves?
- Who marshalled in the almighty pension raid?
- Who said “I have been involved in the economy for pretty much 25 years now”.
- Who argued that “Labour should accept no timetable for cutting the deficit?”
- Who said that Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling’s plan to halve the deficit in four years was “too ambitious” and a “mistake”.
- By what name do we refer to the honourable member who stands proudly in front of two Balls?
One word answers are quite sufficient.