Priapic Plod and A’Kickin’ The Balls. – The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on January 21, 2011

Those indefatigable swordsmen, our British police have been giving Ed, an unforgettable explosion in the Balls camp this week. It is almost a relief to find that the latest under-the-covers officer shagging in the line of duty was paying his attentions to Mrs Johnson, no need for the Prime Minister to be informed then.

One can only have sympathy for Alan Johnson; it is hard to keep your mind on the rate of National Insurance for employers, when your close protection officer is closer to your young wife than he is to you. A man’s mind wanders in such circumstances.

In a week when priapic plod has managed to shaft the penile system, leading to the collapse of the trial of the Ratcliff-on-Soar protesters, we hear of three other mounted officers ‘in the line of duty’, Marc Jacobs, Lynn Watson and Jim Boyling. Today we must add DC Paul Rice to the Hall of Infamy. DC Rice is to be suspended from his duty of providing close protection to Theresa May for the past year. Has Plod managed to shaft the political system as well? DC Rice is under disciplinary investigation; it is not known whether this was for his close attention to Mrs Johnson or lack of attention to Mrs May. Theresa may have complained.

The word on the street is that news of these personal issues emanated from the Gonad gang, the husband and wife team ever ready to swing into action and rape our economy. Now that Labour officially have two Ed’s leading the Fabian charge against freedom from debt for your children, we are urged to remember the lessons of history. Right – your starter for 10!

Who stood shoulder to shoulder with the Chancellor who deregulated the City?
Who helped Gordon Brown build up the biggest deficit in G7 history?
Who organised Gordon Brown’s sale of our Gold reserves?
Who marshalled in the almighty pension raid?
Who said “I have been involved in the economy for pretty much 25 years now”.
Who argued that “Labour should accept no timetable for cutting the deficit?”
Who said that Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling’s plan to halve the deficit in four years was “too ambitious” and a “mistake”.
By what name do we refer to the honourable member who stands proudly in front of two Balls?

One word answers are quite sufficient.

{ 23 comments }

2Mac January 22, 2011 at 17:17

Close Protection Officer for a Johnston is a job for Durex not the Met.

Ex-Postman finds out what it is like to have someone shagging their wife
when they are out at work. Karma.

The next time the police union as fora better pay increase the politicians
better pay attention.

The Protection officer is being moved to cover Harriet Harman. Nobody is
going to try to get her into bed. Well no Man that is.

JohnRS January 22, 2011 at 07:48

I really think that, unless you know the new Shadow Chancellor very well,
you should use his full name i.e Edward Testicles. So much more evocative I
feel.

Zaphod January 21, 2011 at 21:32

The honourable member?

Joe Public January 21, 2011 at 19:41

Sounds like a ~~Cock~~ Cop and ~~Bull~~ Ball
story to me.

Joe Public January 21, 2011 at 19:25

“8. By what name do we refer to the honourable member who stands proudly in
front of two Balls?”

Prick?

Gloria Smudd January 21, 2011 at 15:40

At first glans, it doesn’t look too hard to cum up with a thick vein of
plum puns. However, there’s a vas deferens between a good joke and a limp
gag.
I think there’ll be some stiff competition.

SadButMadLad January 21, 2011 at 15:45