Happy Christmas!
December 24, 2010 at 17:04
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Merry Christmas to you and the team Anna and to all your regular
commenters. Thanks for all the entertaining posts throught the year.
December 24, 2010 at 09:50
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And a Happy and Merry Christmas/Xmas to one and all from me and wishing
everyone a Happy and Prosperous New Year (once we get the troughers out of the
way!)
December 23, 2010 at 22:18
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Brilliant! I chortled so much it even exceeded the hilarity brought on by
St Vince Cable boasting about his nuclear weapons.
I think that ranks (yes, it is an ârâ) as an all time Smudd classic. Well
done and I wish the Smudd household a jolly and festive Christmas with copious
amounts of Werthers Originals.
December 23, 2010 at 21:38
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Another year, another round robin â¦
Sickeningly smug greetings from picturesque Smuddland where robins perch on
spades outside the door and every day the winter sun rises above a blissfully
happy and successful home. So, â¦
Let us Bray!
2010 has been so eventful and so packed with achievement itâs hard to know
where to begin the list of personal triumphs, but I know youâre all so keen to
know everything so I will try! I hope I donât leave anything out! If I do,
Iâll put it in next yearâs Xmas cardâ¦
Remember last year I told you how Old Smuddyâs colostomy bag gave out
during Smuddetteâs kazoo solo in the Asbo-Leaversâ Music and Movement
Christmas Special? Oh, how we laughed!!! Thankfully, heâs got to grips with
his new one which finally arrived at the end of March and since then we have
had almost no leakage at all. Weâve treated ourselves to some lovely new lino
throughout the house and Iâd never choose anything but âwipe-cleanâ again! The
rest of Old Smuddyâs back teeth finally fell out after all those toffees last
Christmas but the front three seem to be hanging in there. Just one more to
go, then his grin will be symmetrical at least.
Great news about my glass eye, though! After enduring 3 years of what
experts describe as âa baffling inverted-swivel situationâ Iâve now been
fitted with a lovely new one which stares almost straight ahead and is only a
few shades off a total match. Theyâve even blood-shotted the white so itâs
virtually impossible to tell which one is the âColumboâ! I canât tell you what
a boost itâs been to my confidence and Iâve started attending the village
rug-tatting circle once more. Itâs lovely to be back among other overweight
and partially-sighted friends and a steady gaze has helped me cope with my
otherwise relentless ill-health. Iâve been at the doctorâs almost constantly
this year and finally Iâve been told that I have a very weak intellect and a
vivid imagination. Apparently this is an unhappy affliction and nothing can be
done but at least itâs nice to have a proper diagnosis.
Smuddette has had a lovely year, not least because the police finally
lifted her curfew and sheâs been able to spend a lot more time with her
friends, both outside the Off-Licence and on-line. Sheâs started yet another
school and so far it hasnât burnt down and she hasnât been asked to leave!
Sheâs gained her Grade 1 on the ukulele (third time lucky!) and has also been
put on âThe Watch Listâ by the headmaster! Result! She seems to have a natural
talent for creative writing, judging by the heap of letters explaining her
absence that I was called to the school to verify! Academia aside, having yet
another infected ring through her lip doesnât seem to have put her off and
sheâs applied to do her Work Experience in Tedâs Tattoo & Piercing
Parlour. Sheâs designed some lovely skull-based tattoos and will be happy even
if all they let her do is apply the TCP. Sheâs a lovely girl and doesnât plan
to be pregnant for at least a year.
Smudd Junior is still really interested in Law and weâre always amazed to
hear how much he knows about it! Heâs forever being invited to attend the
Magistrateâs Court and just recently heâs been selected for something called
Community Service which I think is a bit like College but without the
lectures. Heâs also making quite a name for himself in the field of art; Old
Smuddy and I very rarely drive anywhere without seeing Juniorâs âTagâ on some
underpass, bridge or shop front! He must be very good with those aerosols now
because heâs forever in the garage giving a car a re-spray! I do wish heâd
leave the door open when heâs doing that but heâs adamant that he has to work
with the door firmly locked and is only in there between three and four in the
morning (something to do with his creative flow he says!). Iâve never seen any
of his âspray-jobsâ either because it seems that the carsâ owners can only
collect them before 6.00am and of course Iâm in the middle of my beauty-sleep
by then! For the sake of his lungs if nothing else, Iâm glad heâs persisting
with his market-garden venture in a few of the Nissan huts on the disused
airfield just down the road. Heâs seen a gap in the âtall, five-pronged-leaf
lettuceâ market and Iâm with him all the way! âItâs Hydroponics, Mumâ, he said
to me only last week, âItâs Hydro-bloomin-ponics and itâs my ticket outta
here.â His business must be going so well heâs started bringing some of his
exotic, tall lettuce plants home and putting them in a specially-lit room.
Ultra-violet light seems to be the key and hermetically-sealed doors are
vital. Heâs always been very good with science and biology and the like and
now it seems he has a business head on his shoulders as well! Mustnât âcrowâ,
though, must I? Gets right up peopleâs noses, doesnât it???!!!
Ah well, I must away and finish hand-making all my crystallised cherries
for my sugar-crafted festive cake!
Wishing you all an envious Christmas and a thoroughly-trumped New Year,
Your friends (although we havenât actually seen each other for the last 27
years) and competitors,
Gloria, Old Smuddy, Junior and Smuddette
December 23, 2010 at 18:56
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How great to hear from Gloria again â hope things are a little better,
maâam. Now all we need is a word from Gildas then Christmas will truly be
Happy. All the best Anna and thanks for making 2010 a delight.
December 23, 2010 at 17:35
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Happy Christmas to you too, Anna.
Iâve posted a video of me playing some carols on my blog â if you want to
get in the festive spirit ⦠donât visit !
December 23, 2010 at 14:11
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Happy Chrimbo â whoo hoo!
December 23, 2010 at 06:59
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Re: Troughersâ Gravy Train.
Sorry, Iâm a bit confused here. Which troughersâ train is this meant to
be?
â Greedy out of touch MPsâ gravy train
â Greedier, corrupt, antidemocratic Euro MPsâ gravy express
â Underworked, overpaid, expenses living, anti-business, anti-democratic
trade union leadersâ gravy underground train
â Underworked, overpensioned, unsackable, unaccountable civil servantsâ
troughersâ gravy steam train with a luxurious taxpayer-funded pullman lounge,
complete with taxpayer-funded holistic massage therapist and a taxpayer-funded
taxi home every day.
Er, apart from the above, Merry Christmas to residents of this blogoregion.
2011 canât be worse than this year? Can it? Oh gawd!
December 23, 2010 at 05:57
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The Troughers gravy train looks distinctly North American to me, indeed the
star-spangled banner either side of the cow-catcher and the moose antlers
above the lamp rather give it away. Besides we all know british trains do not
run in the snow.
Then we have the hostess calling herself Anna Raccoon a distinctly North
American mammal and even Gloria Smudd adding the eponymous Canadian âehâ to
her sentences. Could it be that Anna and Gloria have been disguising their
nationalities?
The question is rhetorical, but my wishes are sincere. May you all
experience a happy and joyous Christmas, where-ever you reside and whatever
condition you find yourself in.
Gloria-are you sure you did not have some âworkâ done during your recent
absence? You are looking refreshed and the trout pout is more pronounced.
December 23, 2010 at 10:20
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(Gloria gives a shy downward glance, giggles girlishly, blushes a
becoming shade of puce and feels vital and attractive once more)
December 22, 2010 at
22:42
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Merry Christmas
December 22, 2010 at 22:31
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And a Merry Christmas and a Happy (and Peaceful) New Year to you
December 22, 2010 at 20:27
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To Anna and Mr. G. and all on these pages that bring interesting thoughts
and â most prized of all â humour : a merry Christmas and a happy
and healthy new year.
Î Î
December 22, 2010 at 20:24
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May 2011 is still over five months away, mark â¦.
December
22, 2010 at 20:22
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And a Merry Christmas and to you and Mr G. as well.
December 22, 2010 at 20:19
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Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you Anna and all your readers. May
2011 be better than 2010 Amen!!!!
December 22, 2010 at 19:38
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Already? I havenât got me humbugs down from the loft yet!
Joyeux Noel, as I believe they say in your neck of the woods , and Bonne
Annee (I canât do the accents!).
December 22, 2010 at 19:53
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I always wrench open a bag of Bah Humbugs to coincide with the first
âfestively-illuminated semi-detatchedâ I see on my daily travels to and from
the Obesity Clinic. Sometimes this is as early as the third week in
November. Thereâs nothing for it then, in my mind, other than to choke down
another bag of chips followed by a chubby fistful of a gum-shredding boiled
sweetie. Gets me in the mood, you see.
December 22, 2010 at 22:53
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Happy Christmas to everyone, delighted to see Gloria back!!
December 22, 2010 at 19:31
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A Happy Christmas, eh? Thatâd make a welcome change!
Suffice to say that I have foresworn my beloved Wertherâs Originals for the
more traditional Bah Humbugs for the duration of the Yuletide Spendfest.
December
22, 2010 at 19:24
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And a very Merry Christmas right back at ya!
December 22, 2010 at 17:45
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I presume the piggiesâ gravy train left from Platform 23nad a half.
Happy Christmas Anna, contributors and commenteers!!
Lenko
December 22, 2010 at 17:40
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Merry Christmas!
(I wonât even get in to the argument about whether there ever was a
historical, physical Jesus, because the view of people like me is that it
actually doesnât matter. What matters in my view is that by now he does exist
at least, having been believed in and fervently prayed to by millions over
thousands of years. Whether I follow the Church is another matter, but I donât
have a problem with Christianity!)
December 22, 2010 at 17:32
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IO SATURNALIA.
December 22, 2010 at 16:35
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A Happy Christmas to you and a Happy New Year, Anna. And btw, many thanks
for the mention in the Saturday Night Posts â it boosted my stats and
blog-morale considerably
December 22, 2010 at 16:06
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Happy Christmas to you!
Hmmm, a train with a snow plough on the front, now thereâs an ideaâ¦
December 22, 2010 at 15:48
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Happy Christmas!
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