Nanny Charity No 94.
I think I might just burst a blood vessel today. I am being assailed on all sides by press releases which turn out to be backed by ‘campaigns’ involving charities, web sites, meetings, initiatives, celebrity endorsement, more meetings, funding, more funding, and thousands of pounds in tax payers money to keep the show on the road.
The latest one to pop in the inbox involves the full complement of above in order to tell drivers what they should do if they see a sign on the road saying ‘Deer ahead’…..
Apparently without this initiative, 2,000 people last year had no idea what to do when they saw this sign, and you will never guess what happened –
Probably a waste of my time pointing it out, but if you can’t guess, you can get the full report from:
Dr Jochen Langbein, project leader for the UK Deer Vehicle Collisions Project
Who will happily send you artwork, radio adverts, web site banners, even radio programmes by the well known TV presenter John Craven to help you figure out that the sign saying ‘Deer ahead’ means that there might be a deer ahead, and if you fail to spot it, you might slam into it, and that is a major concern for the Deer initiative who having been doing research into ‘the impact of cars failing to stop on Deer welfare’.
Please, somebody tell me of someone who is doing a worthwhile job making something or adding value to something in Britain today, I’m losing the will to live. It will take years to dismantle all this nannying.
Whilst you are about it, could you also explain why the ‘cuts’ that are coming like a re-run of Jaws, dum diddy dum diddy dum dum dum, are only affecting nurses who might save your life, or firemen stopping your house burning down, or policemen stopping you being murdered in your bed, and not one has mentioned people spending thousands figuring out how to tell kids to walk to school or drivers what to do if they see a sign saying ‘Deer ahead’.
Could we not rename these things as front line services so they get cut too?
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1
September 23, 2010 at 19:06 -
We’re in muntjac territory; the little beasts have a habit of leaping down from high verges just in front of your car, leaving no time to stop. Unlike the native species, they’re small enough to pop in the boot, which is, I suspect, the ultimate fate of at least some of them round here.
The UKDVCP didn’t, by any chance, include a couple of useful recipes for roast venison or muntjac stew, did they – just in case?
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2
September 23, 2010 at 21:09 -
Lucky we don’t have moose here. I could probably manage a muntjac, maybe – eventually – a fallow, but I could never manage a whole moose…
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3
September 23, 2010 at 22:11 -
Common practice around here. Popping them into the boot, I mean. Although I would really rather not bother. But the local butcher will be only too happy to do a deal.
However, it is your fault if you hit an Animal Sauvage, so don’t bother claiming on your insurance. And you might even get fined.I once missed a small deer by the skin of it’s teeth. Thank God. It is not an experience that I wish to repeat, since it would probably lie there injured.
This does not bear thinking of. Drive slowly.
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5
September 23, 2010 at 19:19 -
But the sweet ickle deers need protecting! I think you’re just jealous that no-one’s looking out for raccoons.
The cuts are coming to less front-line and obvious areas. I’m hopeful the reduced tax fiddle given to public sector workers will be abolished, saving billions. And more useless quangos will surely be abolished soon.
Suffolk county council are showing the way forward by outsourcing ALL services to the private sector, thus saving about 30% of their budget; in effect admitting how inefficient they have been previously with their unsurprisingly complacent public sector mentality.
Slightly off message, may I urge readers to apply to their local councils for a disclosure under the FoI Act for how much council tax is used to support union activities? It’s disgraceful: some council employees are paid from the public purse for carrying out union activities during normal working hours. Highlighting this abuse may both save public money and bring the true costs of “organised disruption” home to the union members, as their subs would increase greatly. -
6
September 23, 2010 at 19:20 -
Look on it as meeting the Venison Production targets. If enough drivers hit enough bambi’s it will increase economic activity and help to raise the GDP to allow the government to spend more on deer projects.
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7
September 23, 2010 at 19:51 -
I sometimes despair – frequently acually- at the colossal stupidity of human beings. Where I live we have warning signs on the approach to an area adjacent to a lake showing a silhouette of a swan . No words, just a silhouette in a red warning triangle. These are official highway road signs. Suppose there were no signs but as I drove along there was a swan in the road or one waddled across in front of me. Would I know it was a swan ? Would I run into it because there was no sign and therefore I couldn’t see the swan ? Or would I slow down and avoid it ? ( of course ) How is my behaviour different with the sign compared to without it ? ( it isn’t ) Would I think ” There are no signs for swans therefore I see no swan” ? ( No )Without a sign would I think that perhaps the obstacle in front of me was a cabbage, or an elephant maybe, but with the sign the identity is clear ? ( Oh lucky me – I might have run straight into an elephant, but there are only swans along here so I can’t run into anything except a swan ).
My wife tells me the signs are there to make me aware of swans in the road, but I want to know ‘ what for ? ‘ and ‘what difference does my being aware make ?’
To make matters worse, we also have the same signs with sheep on them.To cap it all, in the 25 years I have lived there I have never ever seen a single swan or a sheep in the road. And if I did, I wouldn’t recognise them anyway because all the signs show black sheep and swans when all the real sheep in the fields and the real swans on the lake are white – so how would I know anyway ?
Whats more depressing is I have paid through my taxes to have these completely useless and pointless signs made , transported and installed – all for nothing. As fine an example of fuckwittery as you could hope for.
So don’t get me started on Deer.Now, if the signs said ” Warning Minefield Ahead” that would be a different story.
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8
September 23, 2010 at 20:05 -
Roadkill venison is surely the tops. I have the remains of two still in a chest freezer at work. (There isn’t room in the home freezer because of the pheasant.)
Last night we had the most amazing roast venison joint, probably the best joint of meat I have ever tasted.
Needless to say, I have been going around removing these stupid signs wherever I can find them, otherwise I shall have to resort to pretend meat from Tescos .
The other way I have found is to park discretely near a sign, having put a black bin sack over it. You might have to hang around for a while, but its worth it.
The slight problem with road kill is butchering them, but I found the quickest way was to hang it from the woodshed and use my chain saw.
Rabbit is also a great roadkill, but sometimes they are a little too quick, but having a 4×4 means I don’t have to stick to the tarmac. All I have to watch for is cars coming the other way. The best way to deal with rabbit it to slit their gizzard and slop out the innards immediately whilst they are still warm. I always have Tesco carrier bags in the car to stop blood on the floor.Coming back to pheasant, they are plain suicidal, and it really is no effort to nab them. And if anyone is puzzled what to do then I suggest they find this youtube video. (www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb9RhW7yfJI)
Basically you spread them out on the deck with your feet standing on the spread eagled wings. Hold their feet in the hands and then sharply yank upwards. You will find that the head and intestines all pull neatly out through their bum leaving the empty ribcage and wings intact which is the part you want. The whole thing can take less than 10 seconds.If anyone wants a great roast venison recipe I can get my beloved to post it in the comments.
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10
September 23, 2010 at 20:12 -
Moose don’t usually end up as roadkill, the vehicle and occupants usually do.
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11
September 23, 2010 at 20:20 -
If all these charidees were taken out and shot, t put them out of their misery, the savings to the taxpayer would be enormous….
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12
September 23, 2010 at 20:56 -
I have never fancied roadkill pheasant (although there are plenty round here) as I was once told that the impact with the vehicle can spread the contents of the intestine through the carcass and contaminate the whole bird. Easier and safer to shoot the buggers. But a deer – now that’s a different matter. Yummy.
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13
September 23, 2010 at 22:52 -
Richard
Don’t worry, just get on and enjoy the fruit of the road.
You can usually tell by the tyre marks if the impact has been bad.
Usually its just the knock on the head that kills it, but sometimes you might still have to wring its neck to stop it running round in circles
I even had to pull one out of the front grill and that was still a lovely bit of meat.
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14
September 23, 2010 at 20:58 -
A classic case of a fake charity. Nearly all it’s income is from the Forestry Commission, basically DEFRA.
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15
September 23, 2010 at 21:38 -
If that is the case what is the benefit of this charidie? Not as in its stated aims however noble but, why have a charidie effectively acting as a sub-contracted lobbying company?
Do Government contributions attract further giftaid funding?
I see from the charidie’s latest set of accounts 3 workers have been seconded from the Forestry Commission and one from Natural England. Perhaps it is a means to pretend to reduce the public sector by shifting loads of them into the ‘third’ sector but still doing the same non-jobs. The wide variety of mostly taxpayer funded sources of income would help to cloud matters further. From a department management point of view you get some public sector staff off your books but the taxpayer still pays their wages a roundabout fashion.
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16
September 23, 2010 at 21:58 -
I always thought the sign meant, if you continue along this road it’s going to get quite expensive. Now I know. What a great public service.
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17
September 23, 2010 at 22:19 -
God, what a blood thirsty lot we are. Or perhaps just poverty stricken.
Kill it. Eat it. That’s what I say.
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18
September 24, 2010 at 00:40 -
Don’t forget that we still pay for ASH, CASH The Obesity Forum and Alcohol Concern Anna. At least the deer loonies are expensively harmless.
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19
September 24, 2010 at 08:22 -
Sadly not so harmless ( speaking as the boards Hon. stalker , and of course British Deer Society member.)
The Deer Initiative were self apointed busy bodies who managed to get their feet under the quango table and have the sole purpose in life of controling as big a chunk of the available stalking in as regulated a manner as possible.
They also collude with Natural England and Defra, two massively over bureaucratic means of civil servants spending money on themselves, rather than the actual intended recipients.
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20
September 24, 2010 at 08:46 -
Where I live, there are a lot of old deer who suddenly leap out in front of innocent motorists, armed to the teeth with AK47s and crossbows. Our rural communities are in a state of perpetual fear; such encounters can be very upsetting. But the police are never anywhere to be seen, as usual..
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21
September 24, 2010 at 09:34 -
But there is no ‘Deer Ahead’ sign.
The sign with the Deer symbol is a generic ‘Warning, Wild Animals’ one.
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22
September 24, 2010 at 19:54 -
I’m a big fan of the “falling rocks” sign. The number of times I’ve been hit from above by a ruddy great boulder flying through the air. If only there were more of these signs we would all be a lot safer.
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24
September 24, 2010 at 21:51 -
“The latest one ….to tell drivers what they should do if they see a sign on the road saying ‘Deer ahead’…..”
This is just a practice “…to tell drivers what they should do if they see a sign on the road saying ‘Old Dear ahead’…..”
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25
September 25, 2010 at 17:36 -
JP, to bring this thread back to its starting point, Old Dears – at least those who shop in our High Street – are collectively known in the Tavern as ‘muntjacs’ because of their alarming tendency to step out in front of vehicles without bothering to look: “I’ll have you know I’ve been crossing the road here for sixty years, so the cars will just have to wait!”
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