Papal Nonsense.
Following on the recent launch of our Dioclese.co.uk special papal souvenirs, here’s some more items from Pope Benedict ‘Kiss the Ring Tour’ range :
Feeling unclean? Then try our Benedict brand Pope on a Roap soap!
Please note this product is not suitable for use on the genital areas of young children
Yours for the trifling sum of £14.99
Get the most out of Pope Bendict’s UK tour with our new publication ‘Papal Visits for Dummies’.
This updated book gives you the invaluable insights you need. Learn how to get the best seats at personal appearences; how to ensure that your name is included in the papal blessing; how to obtain direct absolution for all your sins.
These and many, many more for only £49.99
Get the power of the Pope in your pocket with your very own Pope Benedict talking key ring.
Made from high quality genuine polyurethane, you can always rely on this Pope to absolve you from the rigours of everyday sinning. Just give him a little squeeze and hear the Pope announce ‘In Nomine Patre, Te Absolvo!
A bargain at £15.99 – batteries not required (runs on faith)
Here a little novelty item sure to please!
You’ve seen those pens where you turn the it upside down and the girl’s clothes fall off? Well, here’s a chance to own your very own ‘Naked Pope Pen’. Just turn it upside down, and watch that cassock fall away.
Breaks the ice at any party for only £9.99
Still trying for that perfect cocktail? Well, the answer is in the timing!
Just throw your intoxicating mixture into our ’3 Hail Marys Cocktail Shaker’ and shake away. The speaker in the bottom recites 3 Hail Marys at the perfect pace to ensure your cocktail pours out just the right moment.
A perfect drink and absolution all at the same time for just £39.99
Just watch this space for more items from our exciting range coming soon…
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1
September 14, 2010 at 09:24 -
Bitter but witty
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2
September 14, 2010 at 10:14 -
Witter, but bitty.
I liked it, actually, and I think it’s all a great idea. Where can I get these items? Ebay?
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4
September 14, 2010 at 10:57 -
Sounds like a lot of Papal Bull to me.
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5
September 14, 2010 at 11:05 -
I heard someone say that the security estimate for the Papal visit £20 is million. A huge amount but if that’s what it will cost to protect our children it’s money well spent.
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8
September 14, 2010 at 12:06 -
WASP Anti Catholic jaundiced reportage just like the main stream media.
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10
September 14, 2010 at 14:01 -
If anyone is interested there is a great x-rated comedy show in Scotland this week. The guy is a hilarious cross dressing, racist, homophobe. He tells totally mad made up stories about impossible events in far off lands with his own dead pan style of humour.
He is an ex Nazi who still hates Jews. His wider organisation is full of paedophiles, orphans and choir boys and they have also been involved in spreading sexually transmitted diseases in the third world by blocking the sale of condoms. Yet about 1billion people hang on his everyword.Should be a laugh. He is appearing at Bellahoustin Park and this is his first show in Scotland since the 80′s.
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11
September 14, 2010 at 14:02 -
Only slightly more absurd than the church itself.
Now show some cojones and do the same job on the Ayotollah!
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12
September 14, 2010 at 14:15 -
The Ayotollah is not planning a tour of the United Kingdom for another decade but I do believe it is definately scheduled and this guy makes the Pope seem like a tolerant peace lover.
The Ayotollah belongs to a crazy Arab based Islamic circus act and has many we gems that the Catholic circus long since stopped performing.
When this guys and his mates are in town there is no telling what they might do.
The organisation was started by a professional armed robber who among other things married a girl of 6 (although he waited until she was 9 to consumate the marriage.) He was the insperation for much of the Nazi propoganda against the Jews. He believes and participated in slavery, appartied, rape, murder, forced marriage, paedophillia, honour killing, domestic abuse, stoning adulters, talking animals, flying horses and more importantly total submission of all people on earth to sharia law(or death).
He is considered by alot of goat herders and terrorist types to be the perfect incarnation of human behaviour.He is very camera shy and gets violent at the mention of his image. The only known images of him are on his facebook page.
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13
September 14, 2010 at 14:18 -
I hope I have offended both Muslims and Catholics equally as I would not like people to think I am being selective. I am an equal opportunities hater.
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14
September 14, 2010 at 16:30 -
Nice one, 2Mac, I think you might just have done so!
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15
September 14, 2010 at 17:49 -
And why not, Pray? They are all the same when you get down to it.
I’m a Moon Worshipper, myself.
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16
September 14, 2010 at 20:14 -
So was Mo.
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17
September 14, 2010 at 20:32 -
Mowlem? Really?
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18
September 14, 2010 at 21:19 -
One of my immediate family is a ‘born again Christian’ and a more arrogant and judgemental specimen one could not wish to meet. He or she, with the blessing of Christ (apparently) strides through life being ‘right’ about everything and cares not one jot whether what he or she says might be a) RUDE to people who need comfort, b) HURTFUL to people who are showing nothing but kindess and love in the way they live their lives, c) WRONG when telling vulnerable family members that how they are conducting their existence is troublesome and dangerous, or d) BETTER LEFT UNSAID because a few stinging words, even if they do come from Christ’s best chum, shouldn’t be said as Christ’s messenger leaves to go to a football match or an F1.
My close relative is certain he/she walks with Christ but doesn’t go to church anymore because he/she has trembled in the presence of the Lord and knows He is with him/her forever more. He/she seems to be in that very special band of ‘saved and enlightened’ who is cleared from ‘on high’ to say whatever he or she likes to anyone and everyone because, certain that Christ is with him or her, he/she must be speaking Christ’s words.
No. That’s not the case. My born-again relative is the only person I know who walks into my frail parent’s house and announces, from his/her privileged position at Christ’s right hand, that my parent is an imbecile who should give up the one thing that gets him out of the house and doesn’t know what he’s doing – all this in the 15 minutes my born-again relative has allocated every 2 weeks to spend with our parent. Then he/she drives away for another 2 weeks.
Is he/she a Christian? He/she certainly thinks that he/she is.
Does that sound like the path of your Christ to you, English Viking?
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19
September 15, 2010 at 08:54 -
In the absence of English Viking, may I comment in his place? I was converted to Christianity over 30 years ago, and in my experience I’ve come across many of my co-religionists who have been – frankly – obnoxious. In any walk of life there are those dogmatic specimens whose sole mission is to be right. They’re not a positive endorsement for their faith because their own personal quirks and failings eclipse the true message that they’ve (purportedly) embraced. However, I’ve also met many more who are well-balanced – and prepared to ‘fess up when they’ve made mistakes – or even that they’ve simply been wrong. They don’t claim to know all the answers, either – only the most essential ones. In Christian theology it’s called grace. Your relative appears to be short of it..
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20
September 14, 2010 at 19:32 -
I was in New York some years ago when I noticed a particularly tasteful item on sale for an earlier papal visit. It was a lawn sprinkler with a picture of the Pontiff attached to it and the motto ” Let Us Spray”.
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21
September 14, 2010 at 20:28 -
I want one of those.
Hose the Daddy?-
22
September 15, 2010 at 12:10 -
Water friend we have in Jesus?
I used to work with a fundamentalist Christian. No fun, definitely mental (creationist who believed world was 6,000 years old etc). Quite the nastiest, mean-spirited git I ever met. Probably the only person Jesus would drop kick in the tabernacles. Ask your relative whether Numbers 31 permits genocide.
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23
September 14, 2010 at 21:57 -
roll up roll up – get your Daily Mail here.
Either that or a 6 pack of red bull, you need it all to stay awake to finish these articles.
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24
September 15, 2010 at 09:13 -
Standard ran an article last night in which I think they over used the word “pilgrim”. Mainly because to see the Vatican point man when you sign up you get a “Pilgrim Pack” – and I didn’t just make that up for comic effect.
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