The Labour Manifesto is full of interesting offerings, trying to work out why they are there is part of the fascination.

One which caught my eye was this one.

“We all have a responsibility to look after our own health, supported by our family and our employer”

You know what is coming next don’t you?

Yup. Here we go.

“The ban on smoking in public places will be maintained”

Yes, if support from our family and our employer doesn’t do it, Nanny will step in with laws to jail your local friendly publican for failing to ensure you look after your own health…

But then it continues…

“Wherever necessary” – i.e.; wherever you fail to follow our rules, and we have a tame expert lined up to show that you are costing the NHS money which could be spent on bean counters…..

“we will act to protect children’ health from tobacco, alcohol, and….”

Now what do you think is the third most important thing to protect children from after tobacco and alcohol?

Negligent Social Services departments failing to visit even when the child is on the ‘at risk’ register?

Doctors failing to examine a child with a broken back?

Children injured in car accidents where at least one driver was using cannabis?

The ubiquitous all purpose paedophile lurking behind every lamp post?

Not even close, my friends.

The third most important matter affecting the health of the cheeeldren is…sunbeds.

So important a matter is this that in all the argy bargy between old Labour and new Labour and whose policies are going to be cut in an effort to appear to pay back part of our massive debt – sunbeds survived all this and are now enthroned in the manifesto. Vote Labour, they will protect your children from sunbeds.

Now the sunbed issue has been around for a while. Nearly as long as sunbeds – about 33 years in the UK to be more precise than usual.

Which is interesting in itself, for one of the pieces of evidence on which this legislation will rest is that according to Cancer Research, in the UK, the number of people diagnosed with skin cancer is rising faster – and thus costing the pointy end of the NHS money – faster than any other cancer, and using sunbeds for the first time under the age of 35 increases the risk of the most dangerous form of skin cancer by 75%.

Under the age of 35 – not 18, and yet it is those under the age of 18 who are to be banned from turning themselves into a politically correct multi-cultural orange hue.

Scotland has already banned sunbeds for the cheeeldren – the kiddiewinks in Glasgow can get shot at in gangland wars, shoot up heroin, get pregnant at 13, but may not turn themselves orange for fear of the harm it may do them.

I wondered where all this concern for the cheeeldren, who may or may not be represented amongst the 100 or so deaths each year from skin cancer, was coming from – since there was a European Directive some years ago which determined that the level of ultra violet available from sunbeds was not to be higher than that available under the midday Mediterranean sun. A perfectly sensible measure, which the UK signally failed to implement.

Sure enough, a little digging determines that the EU brought in a fresh directive (765/2008/EC) on 1^st January this year which will crack down on non-complying states – the UK being amongst them and ensure that the use of sunbeds is banned to those under 18.

There we have the answer as to why ‘sunbeds’ survived the fierce cost cutting exercise which we are told went on between ministerial departments.

If the UK fail to bring in Julie Morgan’s Sunbeds (Regulation) Bill in the next parliament, they will be liable to pay damages under European law for failing to give the protection due to a European citizen.

And that costs money.

1
Gloria Smudd April 14, 2010 at 20:09

I’m idly wondering what qualifications are required in order to spend one’s days applying that ‘intimate-tan’ ….

2
Alan April 14, 2010 at 20:35

I thought creosote had been banned?

3
binlid April 14, 2010 at 21:10

You’ll need an assistant, Gloria. I have the necessary qualifications.

4
Hal Jones April 14, 2010 at 21:50

The graph showing rising sales of suntan creams (chemicals, nano particles included) and the rise of skin cancers would be interesting. Vitamin D which is most efficiently stored by exposure to the sun is lacking in sections of our population leading to a rise in colon and other cancers and diseases such as rickets. Vitamin D is also essential for the successful maintenance of skin, bone and mental functions.

5
2Mac April 14, 2010 at 21:57

Tony Blair turns up in the UK with what can only be described as “Blacking up” and now Gordon wants to ban the public from a tanning. Next there will be a ban on people with fake tans.

Next the Labour party will be banning sex as it has been statistically linked to condom production and they are bad for the environment.

For Fuck Sakes. The Economy is ruined, our soldiers are in a sand pit of hell, schools are crumbling, pensions pots are empty, 3 million unemployed, etc, etc.

And the best the numpties are Labour have is we will ban sunbeds.

I have not read the whole manifesto but if this is the best Labour can come up with I am am going to move to somewhere with more hope like Malawi.

Vote Labour. There is more chance of delivering a “Future Fair For All” by writing a letter, sticking it in a bottle and tossing it in the river in the hope that the toothfairy finds it and passes it to Santa Clause who can call Jimmy Saville to see if he can “Fix It”

Is writing that you think the entire Labour Government should commit suicide illegal? (He asked in a legally non commital kind of way posing a question rather than making a statement!)

6
Anna Raccoon April 15, 2010 at 07:52

2Mac – A ‘hung’ parliament would suit me!

7
Ted Treen April 15, 2010 at 12:04

@Anna

I’ll volunteer if you need an assistant to pull the lever.

8
Vimes April 15, 2010 at 13:38

I’ll stick with peely-wally, thanks very much.