Jacaranda Thrumsquirt, an official with the Inspectorate of Weights and Measures, told our reporter that the nation was under attack by several organised gangs, some of them funded by wealthy “businessmen” based abroad, some in Belize.
“They will attempt to browbeat the householder and steal his or her affections,” she said. “They come armed with literature which is then thrust upon the hapless housewife, brooking no refusal. They will bombard her with a litany of lies and statistics which are designed to seduce the unwary, and lure them into the cult.
They have even been known to spout their vile propaganda to small children, hoping to influence them for the future. These people have no shame, no morals, and no conscience.”
We were able to obtain some of the literature the con-men leave behind. They are a heart-breaking recital of fantastical promises to shower riches upon the poor, bring health and succour to the sick, and heal the lame. Investigation has revealed that not one of these extremists has ever kept a single promise.
We contacted the Fraud Squad, who were reluctant to become involved at this early stage. “We are aware of several complaints.” said a high-ranking officer who did not wish to be named, Chief Inspector C.J. Dimwiddy. “And an investigation is on-going. We will then present our results to the DPP, who will consider the matter in depth and at length before dropping it.
Our advice is — if you are approached by these individuals, just humour them until they go away. On no account should you challenge them, as they are programmed to believe that only they possess the truth. Don’t forget — they know where you live.”