As some day it will happen that an election I must call,
I’ve got a little list â I’ve got a little list
Of snivelling back-benchers who should be voted out,
And who never would be missed â who never would be missed!
There’s the pestilential nuisances who write for LabourlistÂ â
And Hoons with flabby hands and irritating laughsÂ â
The feckless Steven Byers who thinks heâs rather fine,
But who is widely held by all to be a waste of time.
And the hapless Hewitt who needs an analyst â
They’d none of ‘em be missed â they’d none of ‘em be missed!
He’s got ‘em on his list â he’s got ‘em on his list;
And they’ll none of ‘em be missed â they’ll none of ‘em be missed.
And the Harman person â I’ve got her on my list!
And the people from Unite who strike anew each day,
Then Bercow who praises, with patronising tone,
Those who sit behind me, and all parties but his own;
He never would be missed â He never would be missed!
And the bullying Ed Balls and his gay arch nemesis
The prancing Â Mandelson, and others of his ilk,
And Milliband the elder, who doesnât want to oust me, but would rather like to try;
And that singular nonentity, the dour Yvette Coop-erâ
I don’t think she’d be missed â I’m sure she’d not he missed!
He’s got her on the list â he’s got her on the list;
And I don’t think she’ll be missed â I’m sure she’ll not be missed!
And that Electoral Commission, who insist I name the day,
The interfering jobsworths Â â I’ve got them on the list!
And all who fail to see my right to rule, and on ending it, insistâ
They’d none of ‘em be missed â they’d none of ‘em be missed.
And all the troughing members of a compromising kind,
Such as â What d’ye call him â Thing’em-bob, and likewiseÂ â Never-mind,
And ‘Stâ ’stâ ’stâ and What’s-his-name, and also You-know-whoÂ â
The task of filling up the blanks I’d rather leave to you.
But it really doesn’t matter whom I put upon the list,
Thatâs just my friends, I havenât started on my enemies –
The whole ungrateful blogosphere – theyâre so damned hard to please!
And they’ll none of ‘em be missed â they’ll none of ‘em be missed!
We’ll all be on his list – We’ll all be on his list,
And we never will be missed – we never will be missed.
With Thanks to David Forward for the pictures and apologies to Messrs. W. S. Gilbert & A. Sullivan.
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- March 24, 2010 at 17:55