Now that smokers are safely corralled in windswept doorways puffing on their soggy dog ends, and the drinkers inside the pubs are scared to have a second pint in case they turn into a see through example of secondary tumours, whilst preserving the tax income from two legal products – drink and cigarettes, his evangelical eye, pausing briefly to take over the village shop and stock it with government issue yellowing cabbages, has hit on – motorists.
Having persuaded us all to buy a new car, and got his sticky hands on the road tax, and the Vat – he wants us to stay at home.
Not only are we mowing down some 3,000 innocent citizens a year by driving our cars, in some cases by paying full attention to our driving only seconds after finishing a series of angry text exchanges, but we are causing the early deaths of 50,000 tofu munching, asthmatic, hard working labour drones who seek only to reach their government sponsored job as outreach councillor for Somalian pirates, now forced to endure the less lucrative coast off Southend, by bicycle.
50,000 deaths from secondary car driving – it’s horrific.
Naturally motorists must be banned from using the green fairways inhabited by ‘Friends of the Earth’ on two wheels. I say ‘Friends of the Earth’ advisedly, for that is where this all started. They made a submission to the Procedure Committee complaining about this in 1990. Labour eyes gleamed, and it made it into the 1994 Labour party policy document “In Trust for Tomorrow” – now it has emerged onto the Pravda web site as fully formed fear mongering.
EAC chairman Tim Yeo said: “Air pollution probably causes more deaths than passive smoking, traffic accidents or obesity […] In the worst affected areas this invisible killer could be taking years off the lives of people most at risk, such as those with asthma.”
The report added more research was needed to understand the impact of ‘particulates’ created by wear on tyres and brakes and those lying on the road which are whipped up into the air by passing vehicles.
You can see the problem straight away – in an effort to reduce the number of pedestrians mowed down, we have been stamping on our brakes as soon as the overweight zombies step out in front of us, and this is causing ‘particulate matter’ to rise up and get them in the lungs on the way home…..(that’s if the smoker’s in the doorways don’t get them).
They could put up the duty on fuel to dissuade us from going out in our shinny new cars, as they have done with alcohol, but if that doesn’t work, the only solution left is that we can only use our cars inside our own property (always providing no children are present).
Health and Safety will have to make regular inspections to ensure that our garage is totally air tight, all orifices sealed, and then we can light a fag, take a slug of whisky, and start our engine….
Problem solved, only the righteous left on earth.
I suppose a decent cremation is out of the question.
- uberVU – social comments
- March 22, 2010 at 10:06