Scene: Two men sit at shabby desks in a leaky portakabin at the edge of a railway station car park. One of the men is reading Anna Raccoon while the other struggles to wrap a sizeable parcel, surrounded by rolls of brown paper, strips of sticky-tape and unravelled balls of hairy string.

Ernst (for it is he): At bloomin’ last! The next time we’ve got a 2kg lump of rock to parcel up, it’s YOUR turn! I’ve dropped it on my foot twice and if my toe isn’t broken I think I’m at least going to lose the nail. Are you even listening to me, Young?

Young: (for it is he): Ah, yes, I’m just reading all about when the very same lump of rock was purported to be a priceless ruby known as The Gem of Tanzania. It’s quite a tale, isn’t it Ernst?

Ernst: Sure is! Those Wrekin people claimed it was valued at £11m, didn’t they Young?

Young: Sure did, Ernst, eleven million pounds.

Ernst: And £11m in interest-bearing preference shares were issued on the strength of forged valuations, weren’t they Young?

Young: Sure were, Ernst.

Ernst: Strange that the reputable auction houses wouldn’t touch it with a bargepole when it came to be sold isn’t it Young?

Young: Not really, Ernst, once it turned out to be nothing more than a toe-crushing lump of anyolite.

Ernst: Just remind me again, Young – precisely how much did it sell for recently at auction?

Young: £8,010 Ernst.

Ernst: Crikey. Who bought it, Young?

Young: A company called Pertemps Investments Ltd., Ernst.

Ernst: Oh. OK. Chuck me that marker-pen will you Young? Thanks. To Gem Dept, Pertemps Investments Ltd.,….

(sound of squeaky marker pen on brown paper followed by long and awkward silence)

Young: Since you’ve got a broken toe, would you like me to pop that parcel into the post for you Ernst?

Ernst: That’s very decent of you Young.

Young: See you at The Feathers later for a pint Ernst?

Ernst: Not tonight Young, I think I’ll be getting my toe x-rayed.

Young: Right, I’ll be off then Ernst.

Ernst: See you tomorrow Young.

Earlier epsidoes of the true story of the Wrekin Rubi-Con available here, here, and here.

1
Saul February 25, 2010 at 20:58

Blooming Heck Glo! You haven’t got shares in this “little” Gem have you.

I can just see some little old lady pitching up on “Flog It” in a few years time.

“Well, if you had only brought it in a few years ago it would have been worth 11 million quid, but unfortunately the bottom has fallen out of the market for iffy Gems. How about we put it in at 80 to 120 and let it find its own level?”

2
Anna Raccoon February 25, 2010 at 21:10

I have to congratulate you Glo, this little story just goes on and on, gathering ‘views’ month after month, and is now one of the all time best read stories on the site, other stories come and go, rise up like hornets out of a nest and are forgotten two days later, but this one continues to be researched on the internet month in month out and bring people into the site – tortoise and the hare, m’dear, well spotted that woman!

3
Alan February 25, 2010 at 21:46

Perhaps some joker said ‘eleventy million pounds’ and was mistakenly believed.

4
Gloria Smudd February 25, 2010 at 22:21

It’s the way I tell ‘em…

I’m glad to find out how much the thing sold for in the end. It still leaves Wrekin’s creditors owed a couple of million but, as they say, END OF.

5
Saul February 25, 2010 at 22:37

END OF!

Come on Glo, keep Romancing the Stone.

6
Gloria Smudd February 25, 2010 at 23:07

Hmmm…. we’ll see…