Well, the big interview came and went. It was entirely bonkers from start to finish, but then any party political broadcast for Nude Labour these days would have to be.

Also bonkers was the ITV network being allowed to run it at all this close to the election….craftily avoided by the Mandy-Campbell axis not as yet having persuaded the Monocular One to declare a Day of Reckoning. But there is the spirit and letter of the law and all that – and this was an hour’s free peak airtime for Labour.

Also mainly bonkers was the audience, which applauded wildly purely because Brown dismissed the ‘one eyed Scottish idiot’ remark as ‘”Well, that’s Jeremy Clarkson, and he’s a Conservative”. Smart of Gordo to remember Jezzer’s name, but why applaud the dismissal of a perfectly accurate empirical observation?

At the same time, however, the PM showed the world how bonkers he is by feeling that the most telling thing about Clarkson is his likelihood of voting Conservative. He may well vote UKIP for all I know (although I doubt it): but therein lies the deranged politician, seeing every thought and action as political. Karl Marx had the same idea.

The controlling Brownbeard Sarah sat in the audience, trying not to keep one wet eye on the camera watching her watching the camera, and failing. Sarah clocked the camera in a way that suggested she had the power to look through and assess the viewers’ reactions at home. She looked very bonkers indeed.

Anyone believing the Brownshirt’s fantasy description of this chilly lady would have to be bonkers to switch votes based on it. So we must all thank God that a good 80% of Morgan’s audience will either get the date wrong, or be watching a Neighbours omnibus, on election day.

Piers himself showed at last how fame has gone to his head – which used to be empty, but is now filled with grandiose self-importance. Thus he too is bonkers, as indeed he must be to have hoped he’d get away with some of the rehearsed stuff during this sixty-minute demonstration of syrup-ladling .

It started with Morgan calling him ‘Mr Brown’ and Mr Brown answering ‘Call me Gordon’. They’ve known each other for ten years.

Next came a cringe-making attempt to reposition the PM as a sex-God. “Look at that picture Prime Minister” trilled the celeb-follower, “you’re the Jagger in that shot”. No Piers, he was the dork with long hair.

Another faded library shot showed The Student Agitator managing to remain upright. “This is real D’Arcy stuff, Gordon” Morgan lied. “Not really” Brown replied. It was one of only two occasions all evening when the Prime Minister told the truth.

The other was, without question, when Brown talked about the death of his daughter. My feeling was that the tears accounts I’d heard in advance were exaggerated. The guy looked what he was: for all his faults, a grieving Dad. But a grieving Dad with an iota of common decency wouldn’t have gone on a low-brow chat-show to garner votes over the dead body of his child. And that, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is why Gordon really is utterly and irredeemably bonkers.

On and on it went. The Blair victory in ‘94 (“I got over it pretty quickly”), the ousting of Blair (“It had to be Tony’s decision, I left it up to him”) and then of course an interview with the Great Betrayer himself (“Gordon’s at his best when he’s being authentic”) – quite right, Tony – and as he’s never authentic, he’s always crap.

Aah, the putrid pong of spin, lies and deception being offered by the deranged of a Sunday night. Produced and directed – naturally – by Alistair Campbell.

This too makes sense: after his panic attack on Marr a week ago, Chemical Ali is inadvertently going public with his bonkers problem. It’s been on the cards for some time: of late Campbell’s been doing interviews saying he likes Gordon, has ‘issues’ with media superficiality, and how too many politicians are counterfeit. To see a grown man with no memory of his past is a sad thing indeed. Still, it couldn’t happen to a nicer bloke.

1
Plato Says February 15, 2010 at 16:27

Great stuff

I personally thought the nano-second between John Smith dropping dead and Gordon ringing Tony to discuss the leadership was a really heart-warming moment.

2
miss mink February 15, 2010 at 16:45

Thank god I missed it, I wouldn’t warm to the guy even if he were covered in chocolate sprinkles.
I’m surprised he didn’t get up and sing.

3
Cato February 15, 2010 at 16:57

Fortunately, I avoided it, being well on the way to getting as pissed as one of Livingstone’s newts.

Seems I missed nothing.

4
Blink February 15, 2010 at 17:03

Just when are we finally going to be rid of these corrupt, obnoxious and mendacious bullies, talentless and shallow – bring on the election – can we burn the losers in a celebratory bonfire – I’d like to…..???

5
Gloria Smudd February 15, 2010 at 17:04

I didn’t watch it but during the interminable press build up I did see a clip of Sarah Brown’s teary eye straying to the camera. That told me all I needed to know.

6
Thaddeus J. Wilson February 15, 2010 at 22:47

Sounds like I was better off not watching it. I admire your fortitude in suffering through it, Slogger!

7
The Slogger February 15, 2010 at 23:16

It’s a filthy job Thadders, but somebody has to do it.

The only upside is ironic laughter as one watches.

PS Based on the illustrations above, are you by any chance Gloria Smudd’s love-child?

xx

8
Thaddeus J. Wilson February 16, 2010 at 00:52

I’m not sure Gloria would thank you for that observation!

9
Saul February 16, 2010 at 02:17

Love would be the only possible explanation, unless of course it was a double dare.

10
Sabot February 16, 2010 at 07:41

I really must put by an hour today to watch it on whatever.

On the other hand, perhaps not. That sounds all too much like Voyeurism. And besides, I suspect I’ve will have better things to do, if I can think of something.

11
Old Slaughter February 16, 2010 at 12:03

“So we must all thank God that a good 80% of Morgan’s audience will either get the date wrong, or be watching a Neighbours omnibus, on election day.”

Classic.

What you allude to at the end, “To see a grown man with no memory of his past is a sad thing indeed.” It really has shocked me (how virgin like am I?!!) how when the various chickens have come home to roost they have been able to repudiate them as if they were faults belonging to others. In a heartbeat they are able to reverse their policy and dogma of 12 years if they think it a short-term vote winner and keep a straight face whilst doing it. Shameless is a unsatisfactory description.

Triangulation. Boo.

I can’t help but think enforced love of cricket from the earliest possible age is the only cure for this. Arnold had some things right.

12
John Pickworth February 16, 2010 at 17:30

Didn’t watch it…

The show reminded me too much of those Victorian audiences queuing to see John Merrick

Still, at the Victorian era curiosity provoked some sympathy in the audience

13
Gloria Smudd February 16, 2010 at 18:39

Who’s next? Ed Bawls?

14
Majic February 17, 2010 at 13:25

The man is a complete embarrassment and is the antithesis of everything wrong in politics today. To coin a Malcolm Tucker phrase, he’s so dense he bends light and quite probably believes that he could lead Labour to another term in office.

Best get rid of him so he can take up a career as a bloody judge on X Factor or Britain’s got Talent with his new chum Simon “I killed the music industry single handedly” Cowell.