Press F11 for doomsday
Don't do it!
It was a normal kind of day on South West trains. The first class carriage door being out of order, I had to hawk two heavy bags through several carriages for the privilege of sitting in peace, quiet and a comfy seat. ‘Warm’ would’ve been good too: but with an outside temperature of five degrees, the air-conditioning was at its work with a vengeance.
The first plug I tried for using the laptop didn’t do anything. The second one confused Hewlett Packard so much, my pc insisted on a full start-up including all the hieroglyphics. Halfway through this lengthy process it did what all pcs do: offer me the chance to ‘Press F11 for recovery’.
Two years ago – given the innate attraction of such an offer – I pressed F11. The technical infrastructure of European communications is still recovering. Do not, whatever you do, press F11: if necessary, tie your hands behind your back rather than succumb to the siren call.
Nobody knows why the F11 option is in there. Take your pc to an expert with post F11 trauma syndrome, and the first thing he’ll ask is “You didn’t press F11 did you?” I’ve written to hardware and software companies asking why it’s there – but more importantly, why it almost leaps at you with a ‘Press me Now!’ request. Surely (I have suggested) most people with a collapsed computer – on seeing a line saying ‘how to recover’ – will press F11, won’t they?
I’ve never had a reply. But you can be sure that somewhere on HP or Microsoft’s websites there are Help forums devoted to The F11 Triangle. I can imagine the entries so easily.
‘Help. I’m in a parallel worm-hole. All I did was press F11.’
‘This is flight Tango Delta Charlie Twoa-threa-sixa bound for Boston March 11th 2006. Please respond, over’.
‘Hi. Where am I? My small daughter pressed F11 ten minutes ago. I can see her, but she can’t hear me. I think I’m behind the screen.’
‘Say, isn’t this a neat chat-room? Like, totally Bill & Ted. Meet my new buddy, Intel Inside’
‘Anybody have a razor? My beard is itching something awful’.
‘There’s a tapping noise coming from somewhere. Anyone know Morse code?’
1
January 21, 2010 at 13:34
2
January 21, 2010 at 15:44Oh “Capt Oats” I’ve never heard of F11, I’m going to try it now, I may be gone sometime!
3
January 21, 2010 at 15:47I bet the real surprise was when the SW Train you were on arrived at Edinburgh Waverley.
4
January 21, 2010 at 19:26Just as well I can’t count beyond ten.
5
January 21, 2010 at 21:14DO NOT PRESS F11 – by a computer expert. JUST DON’T. ok.
I actually know what it does
It might involve a quadratic equations and time-loop warp stuff. But usually it just deletes everything of yours from your computer and puts back what HP wanted on it in the first place.
Lol – sorry too be serious but I own a computer repair shop and “where is my stuff?” is a common question by customers. Did you…? is a common question of ours
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January 22, 2010 at 10:59Oh God. I know I won’t be able to resist it. It’s just a question of time.
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January 22, 2010 at 23:00Just before leaving my office tonight, I did.
Then I ‘phoned our awfully nice IT chap and told him.Well, he did say he could do with the overtime.
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