Klap hands, here comes Kadbury!
Nothing, but nothing, is quite as delicious on the tongue as the slow melt of a square of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk and for that reason confirmation of Kraft’s hostile takeover leaves a bitter taste in the mouth. It’s the same taste left by “Nessles” after it tinkered with all the lovely Rowntree’s recipes and turned Kit Kat from a dreamy experience into something quite ordinary and made Toffee Crisps taste cheap and synthetic.
What makes British chocolate delicious is the chocolate itself. It isn’t about the wrappers, the ‘limited edition’ promotions, or even down to the size of the bar: it’s about the taste, and that is what will change. Cadbury & Kraft : as different as “choc and cheese”.
With Kraft in charge of Cadbury, we can look forward to a thoroughly American ‘makeover’ of our beloved chocolates, an unneeded facelift for all our favourites, a rejuvenating injection and a pneumatic, synthetic implant stuffed wherever the Cadbury’s range is judged to be showing its age.
And there you have it. Just when we thought things couldn’t get any worse, they have.
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1
January 21, 2010 at 03:04 -
I always preferred Galaxy to Dairy Milk anyway…
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2
January 21, 2010 at 03:42 -
Say hello to the new McCadbury bar with added fat, caffeine & sugar!
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3
January 21, 2010 at 04:38 -
Chocolate flavour Kraft Dinners, anyone?
Euuwwww.
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4
January 21, 2010 at 07:46 -
If they change the dairy milk we should take to the streets in revolt.
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5
January 21, 2010 at 07:59 -
If only the Quakers had stood firm……
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6
January 21, 2010 at 08:37 -
It is scandalous that RBS have funded Kraft to assist in the Cadbury take-over.
And the UK taxpayers have bailed out RBSWHAT IS GOING ON????????
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7
January 21, 2010 at 08:38 -
Nothing will change unless they move production to America, considering that you know horrible cheap sugar gets subsidised, which isn’t so here.
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8
January 21, 2010 at 08:44 -
Personally, in protest, I am switching to eating only hand-made Belgian chocolates.
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9
January 21, 2010 at 08:50 -
Nothing, but nothing, is quite as delicious on the tongue as the slow melt of a square of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk ????
Oh I don’t know – I can think of one or two things …………….
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10
January 21, 2010 at 08:53 -
… and this is how The Daily Mash sees it…………
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11
January 21, 2010 at 08:58 -
The Dean – OK, I grant you, a Werther’s Original puts up a good fight.
Thomas Byrne – I don’t share your confidence that the recipe won’t change. No doubt Kraft’s men in white coats can justify adding a few squirts of ‘cheese in a can’ to the Dairy Milk recipe in place of a glass and a half of milk.
Nick Clegg – I was just about to rant about RBS funding the takeover… THAT bit wasn’t blazoned across our TV screens on Monday, was it?
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12
January 21, 2010 at 09:10 -
English chocolate reflects the neanderthal position of English cooking on the gastronomic evolutionary ladder…yuk!
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13
January 21, 2010 at 09:42 -
Worth it for the photograph though. Nice.
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14
January 21, 2010 at 09:47 -
Enter the plodding voice of the Slogger, enquiring “What was the point of this?”
The ‘talks’ between the cheese-slicer and the Quaker began last October. I have searched in vain for a rationale beyond ‘increased global presence’ and ‘transformational’. Woffle: Nestle got Rowntree, so Irene Rosenfeld got Cadbury. Kraft shareholders got their worth diluted. Todd Sptizer got £20M. The Cadbury shareholders got a fat payday. The consumer got -56. And the world got an even bigger cheese-to-instant-coffee omnivore.
A kid doing A-level economics could tear this deal limb from limb. An anthropologist would laugh at it. And the merchant banker rubs his hands, singing “Happy days are here again, la-la-laaa-la-la-la-laaah-la-la’.
64% of takeovers destroy shareholder value (a fate most of them richly deserve) and within a year, 40% of the acquired company management have gone…so the culture is destroyed.
These people will never, never, ever learn. They are mad, selfish and doomed….and they will take the rest of us with them.
Brown ‘demands an assurance about jobs from Kraft’, and Mandelsod clutches a letter from Irene saying ‘You have acquired a piece of sh*t in our time’. What a naively cynical pair of clowns they are.
The Slogger x -
15
January 21, 2010 at 10:24 -
Shouldn’t that be “Kup hands…??
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16
January 21, 2010 at 10:32 -
Worth it for the photograph though. Nice.
Please do’t put photos up like that first thing in the morning, some of us are of a nervous disposition.
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17
January 21, 2010 at 11:53 -
Vile stuff – you fans of this overly sweet sludge must be remembering childhood through consuming it, cf Proust!
Proper chocolate is made with cocoa butter, not milk fat; it doesn’t melt in the hand and tastes a million times better: try it and you will never want Cadbury’s offerings again. -
18
January 21, 2010 at 12:13 -
At the end of the day I’m the consumer and still in charge. If you turn my CDM into a Hersey bar I’ll be long gone.
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19
January 21, 2010 at 12:30 -
I’m quite familiar with ‘proper’ chocolate, ta v. much, Ed P. However, Kraft (celebrated as they may be as manufacturers of products such as the Cheese Slice, Easy Cheese (in a can) and jars of Cheese Whizz) haven’t taken over Proper Choccies Ltd, they’ve taken over Cadbury.
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20
January 21, 2010 at 12:54 -
Fortunately, I never aquired a taste for chocolate, probably due to there not being any during the war.
But I do like Kraft Cheese Slices.
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21
January 21, 2010 at 13:19 -
“Eezy-Cheez” is extracted from teenage face zits. I was given a Hershey bar once – it smells like a mixture of soap, toilet cleaner & bitumen, so I never put it in my mouth.
As it’s an insult to real chocolate to call Cadbury’s products chocolate, perhaps vegelate or Milkolate would describe it better? -
22
January 21, 2010 at 13:31 -
Ed P
Then give me milkolate over chocolate any day. Especially Galaxy.
And go get yourself a life, you may be able to afford one if you didn’t shop in hotel chocolat for overpriced sh!t, even if it doesn’t melt in your hand. Get yourself some minstrels. Luvverly -
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January 21, 2010 at 13:37 -
24
January 21, 2010 at 17:01 -
I’m with The Slogger. The sight of the Cadbury’s shareholders (like David Cumming, head of UK equities at Cadbury shareholder Standard Life) actually declaring they thought the price was too low but they were going to accept it anyway, because the management told them to, was pathetic in the extreme.
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25
January 21, 2010 at 19:22
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