Let them Eat Whine and Erections for the Whining Clergy.
Fresh from whining during ‘Alcohol Awareness Week’ about the estimated 91,000 deaths that will occur in the next decade due to the over consumption of evil booze, which is apparently an ‘unacceptably high death toll’ amongst willing participants, the Nanny State is back on the subject of consumption some three weeks later.
The time it is not the State’s left hand – the Alcohol and Health Research Unit – which is pontificating, but its right hand – the Waste & Resource Action Programme, in as fine an example of joined up Government thinking as you could wish to find.
It seems that some of us have been sufficiently frightened by the Government propaganda as to our imminent demise if we continue to down a bottle of wine a day to leave the bottle unfinished:
It seems that most people cannot be bothered to finish off bottles or cartons of drink and tip the remainder down the sink instead of storing it in the fridge.
Can’t be bothered? We were told not to!
Now we are lambasted for ‘pouring £470 million bottles of wine away ever year’. Ye Gods!
Fear not, the Nanny state has a solution.
A ‘Waste and Resource Action Programme’ spokeswoman said that the organisation was not suggesting that consumers should drink wine […]but said people should freeze leftover wine and use it in cooking sauces and casseroles as part of the campaign to cut the nation’s carbon footprint.
Have you got that now? You shouldn’t drink the wine, but you must make an effort to eat it.
Elsewhere, Pontificates are whining because the ‘competence of erection‘ handed out by the Vatican as detailed in the Apostolic Constitution yesterday was not as exciting as expected.
Don’t cancel the Viagra yet, all is not straightforward.
This seems to be an offer to entice married Church of England clergy into the famously celibate world of the Roman Catholic world – so long as their marital state is not ‘irregular’. Perish the thought. A Church of England vicar with an irregular marriage. What can they be thinking of?
Apparently some of these disaffected but pious souls will need to take their fine church buildings, not to mention their pensions, into the papal bosom with them. This may create some problems for your average troubled Anglican vicar – for their stipends and pensions are paid by their congregation, and if it is to continue to be so, then the congregation will need to be similarly attracted to the papal bosom or they will find themselves as, well, as poor as the proverbial church mice.
It turns out that the ‘competence of erection’ from the Vatican only means that they can pick up their starched skirts and join the Vatican throng if they care to bring their pulpit, their audience and their salary with them.
The Pope has kindly included provision for those unable to perform this miracle to take up a second job in the secular real world.
Probably lecturing on the evils of drink with a side line selling frozen sacramental wine cubes.
November 13, 2009 at 15:40I have made it my personal responsibility to defy all government guidelines
for anything! If I die before fifty, at least I won’t be drugged up with
anti-psychotic medication, drooling in wing-backed chair, waiting for someone
to change me!Alcohol makes life better!!
November 11, 2009 at 15:35Every time I get to the end of this comment thread, I’ve forgotten what
Anna’s piece was about….but as I’ve been drink-free thus far today, I may now
be in a position (ie, upright) to comment.
Drink reduces the number of
people on the planet (a good thing) and Catholicism increases them (not so
good).
However, Catholics know perfectly well that while Health &
Safety are capable of pooping most parties, devout Catholics never go to
parties at all. This is because all the fun things that happen at parties are
forbidden for Catholics.
Finally, H&S will tell you until your last day
all the things that will bring that last day nearer; whereas the Catholic
Church tells you those things and more will not play well on Judgment
Day.
I’ve forgotten what Anna was on about again.
Anyway, it is the duty
of everyone over fifty to drink themselves to death, as only by doing so will
we (a) not get Alzheimers and then be refused medication (b) not wind up being
abused in what’s left of the aged car home system and (c) reduce the headcount
and thus nullify the efforts of Catholics and Muslims to be fruitful with
their seed.
I wonder (not) what the link is between Pontiff and
pontificate?
Yesterday Man x
November 11, 2009 at 12:53So drinking from the bottle is best? I knew that anyway.
November 11, 2009 at 01:23WRAP have of course forgotten that it would use considerable energy to
freeze the wine. The environmentally friendly thing to do is definitely to
drink it. We should also remember that litre bottles use less glass per ml of
wine than 70cl ones.
November 10, 2009 at 23:09Sorry Anna, sorry Mike Spilligan – I’ll try not to do any more soMeursaults
on this topic.
November 10, 2009 at 21:32I look to Anna R for logical discussions, but this subject has become a
Beaune of contention.
November 10, 2009 at 20:44Nor do I understand the advice to FREEZE it … Barbarians!
November
10, 2009 at 19:19“…but said people should freeze leftover wine…”
I don’t understand this term, ‘leftover wine’..
November 10, 2009 at 18:51That’s easy for you to say Vimes.
November 10, 2009 at 18:18Whit – nae Buckie, ya bass! Ah’m phonin’ yon monisterry ra noo, nae
bother!
November 10, 2009 at 18:01Your comment had such a ‘ring of confidence’ about it, Demetrius, that I
hadn’t even noticed the teensy transposition of vowels. You aren’t slugging
the Laphroaig on the rocks are you?
November
10, 2009 at 17:56Uh uh, fluoride, and I’ve only had three.
November 10, 2009 at 17:55Ssshh! Don’t let Val & Polly Cella hear you… Val’s OK but that Polly’s
a right loudmouth with a couple of schooners of sherry in cider.- November
10, 2009 at 17:54 A few slugs of Laphroaig 48% assure me that alcohol is nothing to worry
about, only the flouride if you use tap water. So you skip the water.
November 10, 2009 at 17:46Nice glass of Lambossobucorusco anyone?
November 10, 2009 at 17:35Let’s have a bit of sing-song! “Roll out the Barolo, we’ll have a Barolo of
fun, Roll out ….”- November 10, 2009 at 17:32
You’re right Glo, it’s bordeauxing on the ridiculous.
November 10, 2009 at 17:28You’re Macon this up as you go along!
- November 10, 2009 at 17:25
I’m off for a cup of tea and a nice piece of Madeira cake.
November 10, 2009 at 17:23You’ll have to go to the Rioja ‘n’ Bacon Roll van for that but don’t forget
to ask for a nice can of Chateauneuf du Pope to go with it.- November 10, 2009 at 17:18
Quarter pound Burgurundy with cheese and fries please.
November 10, 2009 at 17:16It’s my understanding that the church building is the property of the
congregation (through the PCC), not the vicar/priest/shaman/whatever or the
Church itself. So, if the transfer-list vicar wants to bring his church with
him, he will have to persuade the PCC. And if they agree, there’s nothing the
CofE can do about it. This could get mildly amusing.
November 10, 2009 at 17:15Wanna flake with that?
- November 10, 2009 at 17:10
Camembert Sauvignon for me please.
November 10, 2009 at 17:04“Plink-plonk, plink-plonk, plinky-plinky plonk,
Plinky-plinky plonk,
plinky-plonk, …” (Greensleeves in the manner of Mr Whippy)“Two Lambrusco Lollies and a Chablis-on-a-Stick, please.”
{25 comments }