To celebrate the 10th anniversary of his success at flogging off the family Gold at a stomach lurching $275 an ounce in 1999, Brown the spiv is out on the corner again this morning, vainly trying to flog the remnants of the UK from his suitcase.
These assets should form collateral against which we could borrow, but with the rumours that our triple AAA credit rating is about to be demoted, Gordon has decided on an outright sale.
The Chinese should like the idea of buying the Tote, they do like a little flutter – though whether the staid members of the Jockey Club will appreciate finding pint sized members of the Triad on their doorstep waving machetes when their ‘certainty’ is still limping home a month later is open to debate.
The Student Loan Book? We can expect a piteous wailing from the Student Union when they finally rise from their pits this morning – they haven’t even had their drinking vouchers delivered yet this semester, and already their future is being hocked off to some Russian oligarch who just won’t understand that when you’ve finished your degree – you go and do another degree, then you tour the world, then you come back and do a Doctorate, then, well, you certainly don’t go to work and start paying back the loan. It will be fun explaining that plan to a call centre in Outer Mongolia.
The Dartford crossing? should be in cinch to sell that to Bangladesh, who else would be interested in getting its citizens into Tower Hamlets as expeditiously as possible?
Aides said the sell-off marked the beginning of a “radical programme” to identify “non-core government business activities” that could be done better by, or in partnership with, the private sector.
Which begs the question – what are we going to do about September’s deficit? – a few suggestions!
We could flog the BBC Licence Fee to the Russians, all those left wing leaning BBC journalists would be in their element justifying their expenses to the Board of Russian Directors.
Who could be interested in the UK Borders Agency? Somalia? Afghanistan? Could be a worthwhile investment.
Surely the Argentinians would be willing buyers of the Falkland Isles, and it would be payback for that nasty old Sun headline ‘Stick that up your Junta’.
How about selling the Army to the Taliban? It cost us 4,5 billion and untold innocent British lives last year to keep the Army in independent ownership.
Prince Charles? Now you could get a fine price for him from the Americans.
A genuine 100 watt light bulb for the most inspired suggestion for the Great September Sale.
Turn it off when you leave please.