Brown’s Yard Sale – Everything Must Go!
To celebrate the 10th anniversary of his success at flogging off the family Gold at a stomach lurching $275 an ounce in 1999, Brown the spiv is out on the corner again this morning, vainly trying to flog the remnants of the UK from his suitcase.
These assets should form collateral against which we could borrow, but with the rumours that our triple AAA credit rating is about to be demoted, Gordon has decided on an outright sale.
The Chinese should like the idea of buying the Tote, they do like a little flutter – though whether the staid members of the Jockey Club will appreciate finding pint sized members of the Triad on their doorstep waving machetes when their ‘certainty’ is still limping home a month later is open to debate.
The Student Loan Book? We can expect a piteous wailing from the Student Union when they finally rise from their pits this morning – they haven’t even had their drinking vouchers delivered yet this semester, and already their future is being hocked off to some Russian oligarch who just won’t understand that when you’ve finished your degree – you go and do another degree, then you tour the world, then you come back and do a Doctorate, then, well, you certainly don’t go to work and start paying back the loan. It will be fun explaining that plan to a call centre in Outer Mongolia.
The Dartford crossing? should be in cinch to sell that to Bangladesh, who else would be interested in getting its citizens into Tower Hamlets as expeditiously as possible?
The sale of assets is expected to raise £16 billion, coincidentally the precise amount the UK borrowed in August of this year.
Aides said the sell-off marked the beginning of a “radical programme” to identify “non-core government business activities” that could be done better by, or in partnership with, the private sector.
Which begs the question – what are we going to do about September’s deficit? – a few suggestions!
We could flog the BBC Licence Fee to the Russians, all those left wing leaning BBC journalists would be in their element justifying their expenses to the Board of Russian Directors.
Who could be interested in the UK Borders Agency? Somalia? Afghanistan? Could be a worthwhile investment.
Surely the Argentinians would be willing buyers of the Falkland Isles, and it would be payback for that nasty old Sun headline ‘Stick that up your Junta’.
How about selling the Army to the Taliban? It cost us 4,5 billion and untold innocent British lives last year to keep the Army in independent ownership.
Prince Charles? Now you could get a fine price for him from the Americans.
A genuine 100 watt light bulb for the most inspired suggestion for the Great September Sale.
Turn it off when you leave please.
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October 12, 2009 at 10:16 am -
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October 12, 2009 at 10:17 am -
This time next year Rodders……..we’ll be millionaires!
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3
October 12, 2009 at 10:28 am -
“God Bless Hooky Street”
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4
October 12, 2009 at 10:36 am -
Barack Obama might be interested in the NHS
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5
October 12, 2009 at 11:36 am -
How about selling the House of Commons to Merlin Entertainments? I think it would sit nicely alongside their other tourist attractions like the London Dungeon and Legoland.
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6
October 12, 2009 at 1:22 pm -
Sell off the house of commons, buckingham palace, Balmoral and any other suitable buildings to a developer who could then convert these properties into luxury housing. Without doubt few billion to be made and we would no longer have to pay for the upkeep, savings all round
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7
October 12, 2009 at 1:28 pm -
Selling off the family silver. Never less than humiliating.
BTW, you have reverted to the old habit of ‘begging questions’ when actually you mean to ‘raise’ them. Sorry for the pedantry but it is a pet hate that I am determined to eradicate.
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8
October 12, 2009 at 2:22 pm -
Perhaps the sale should start with something affordable … like a £21,500 watch perhaps…
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October 12, 2009 at 3:27 pm -
Roger
here’s a begging question – “give us your money……now?”
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10
October 12, 2009 at 4:00 pm -
lol.
No.
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11
October 12, 2009 at 6:56 pm -
Odd that Gordon the Scotsman is only selling off England’s family silver.
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October 12, 2009 at 6:58 pm -
In Dire Straits did Prudent-Brown
A mighty Rummage Sale decree;
Where Ralph, the Tote’s own Tic-Tac Man,
Was sold-off as an ‘also-ran’;
Buy One & Get One Free.So sixteen furlongs of heavy ground
With stalls and trestles were girdled round:
And here were boxes crammed with knock-down tat
Where rummaged many a bargain-hunter’s fist;
And here were cases filled with this and that,
With bottom-scraping remnants not likely to be missed.
And here! The book of Student Loans, all granted,
Is up for grabs by those who would the debts recover!
A savage bid to see the loans supplanted
And half-taught students disenchanted
By the prospect of higher interest to discover.And from this Jumble, with ceaseless bargains seething
As if The Pound in thick, fat wads was breezing
Upwards ‘gainst the Euro and the Yen,
A mighty Dartford Crossing came there then
For sale to whosoe’er might give the lolly
To purchase such a monstrous concrete folly;
Behold! Scant-clad Britannia’s a-bobbing in the drink!
Will no one seek to save her in exchange for Tunnel Link?
Surely a one-third of URENCO will help the sales to flow…
Or Sterling might just plummet to a chilling six-month low. -
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October 12, 2009 at 7:46 pm -
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October 12, 2009 at 8:46 pm -
I understand Disney have put in a bid for the Houses of Parliament.
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October 12, 2009 at 10:24 pm -
Is this yard sale an attempt by Brown to raise funds, to pay back what he owes, after over claiming on his expense’s ?
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October 12, 2009 at 10:28 pm -
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October 12, 2009 at 10:41 pm -
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October 12, 2009 at 10:43 pm -
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October 12, 2009 at 10:51 pm -
Argent Provocateur – no ones going to want those !!
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October 12, 2009 at 10:55 pm
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