Mandelson’s bum, Mandelson’s bum,

Tarnished and Tanned by Brazilian Son,

What strenuous doubles we played after tea,

We in the closet – you against me!

-~~~-

Love-flirty, Love-sporty, Oh! Lordy of Foy,

The speed of your swallow, the grace of the boy!

With smugfullnenss smirkiness, gayly you won,

You are prostrate from lovingness, Mandelson’s bum.

-~~~-

Mandelson’s bum, Mandelson’s bum,

How sore I am, for I am, under your thumb,

The clenched little buttock never fails to impress,

But your rocking horse boy, he loves you no less.

-~~~-

Your gluteus maximus bared as you walk,

To swing in the cabinet, no time to talk,

For Oleg’s big yacht is just pulling in,

For the six o’clock news and lime juice and Gin.

-~~~-

From closet to cabinet, lie blazer and shorts,

For the sake of the Gas, embargoed reports,

And placating Murdoch settles The Sun,

From ever reporting on Mandelson’s bum.

-~~~-

Mandelson’s Bum, Mandelson’s Bum,

I hear from the journalists, questioning’s begun,

Oh! Paddington twilight! Oh! Tight rectal band,

Oh! Strongly adorable Socialist hand.

-~~~-

Around us are Aid(e)s and Gossips, Ha! Ha!

Prevented by Eady from going too far,

And I’m there on his right – the PM of his choice,

With the droop of my eye, and the drone of my voice.

-~~~-

And the press goes to bed, with the words never said,

With the ominous threat of the libel ahead,

We wait for the Treaty, according to some,

But I’m sitting tight, just like Mandelson’s Bum.

With apologies to Sir John Betjeman and Miss Joan Hunter-Dunn

Tagged as: Gordon Brown, Peter Mandelson