Kenneth Clarke, the former Chancellor of the Exchequer, will return to the Conservative front bench in today’s major reshuffle. He will become shadow business secretary and take on the equally shadowy figure of Lord Mendacious of Fey, the former Peter Mandelson.

It is only weeks since Ken Clarke was openly saying that he ‘wished he was Chancellor now’, and it seems that David Cameron disagreed although in a stroke of near genius, he has set the ‘lion of the jungle’ free to engage the gazelle like Mandy.

I doubt that you could get decent odds on the match now that the news is out.

Ken is the very antithesis of the mincing Mandelson; an ever present cigar and a pint in his local pub, a spell on the snooker table and home to the amiable and reticent Gillian, whilst Mandelson buggers off to the dubious delights of Morocco.

The slithering sibilant Mandelson may pride himself on his mastery of the dark arts, but he will be no match for Ken thundering down the pitch in full bull elephant mode; behind Ken’s brawn lies a formidable brain combined with year’s of experience at standing up for himself in open election and parliament.

I don’t normally enjoy blood sports, but this contest will be enlivened with such humour that I wouldn’t miss a second.

Hush puppy, Ken’s about to walk all over you.

Saul January 23, 2009 at 00:16

Ken Clarke the Shadow, shadow Chancellor/leader.

Anna Raccoon
January 20, 2009 at 13:02

‘I’m an MP – get me out of here’

It would be an instant hit at the moment – personally I’m stocking up on
piano wire, a new use for lamp-posts when the electricity finally goes
out.

Their feet won’t touch the ground.

Anna Raccoon
January 20, 2009 at 13:00

If only we could vote them out from the comfort of our own armchair and the
remote control……wishful thinking!

Saul January 20, 2009 at 12:57

This is what Clarke said:

“Some may raise questions about my views on Europe. They are well-known.
But
I accept that the party has come to a settled view on European matters,
and
I will not oppose the direction David will set on European policies in
the
future.”

Sounds like a prerequiste to his return…..still, if anything should
happen
to Dave davy boy davie Cameron….

I think the public have become less interested in politics, most of
the
household names have gone, thus lowering the profile. This (and Mandy)
could
be a way of getting them into the news realms of the politically
apathetic.

Ask the man on the street which politicians and their jobs they
recognise-
very few I think. But I’m sure a high percentage would know
Clarke and
Mandelson.

They are trying to turn the House, into a “Big Brother House”

Coco
January 19, 2009 at 23:42

Saul ……… Course you can have the phone records – However I am reluctant to
release a frock from the back of one of my wardrobes – The one I kept saying
needed to go to the cleaners. Nudge, nudge – say no more!

Coco
January 19, 2009 at 23:40

And do you know something Madame Chatelaine – I believe you. My dearly
loved friend who sadly passed away some thirty years ago almost married the
King of Norway – but she turned him down. And she always returned all the
exquisite gifts he continued to send – even long after she married her
hubby.

Ch January 19, 2009 at 23:25

Did I ever tell you about my lunch with Queen Beatrix at the Royal Palace
on the Dam in Amsterdam? [when she was still a Princess, I have to admit]. And
about the breakfast invitation by Mitterand, which I had to turn down as I
didn’t have the time to go to Paris? And how somebody wanted to introduce me
to Prince Albert of Monaco, but I said that I was just having a very
interesting conversation and couldn’t break away?
I have to admit: the
lesser royalty, but … true

Saul January 19, 2009 at 23:09

Funny you should mention that, Billy was on the phone to me just now and he
said “I did not (snip) have (snippety snip) a (snip) with that woman.”

Can I see your phone records please?

Coco
January 19, 2009 at 22:53

You beat me to it! – Only because Billy Clinton rang up to see where I will
be sitting later – so I was distracted. Billy says he will be sat with Hilly –
and you know how bored he gets when he is on his own with her. So he wants me
to send him texts every now and then.

Billy is well pissed off about not living at the White House again.

When I say pissed off – it’s an understatement. He reckons he only stayed
with Hilly because a Tarot reader told him she would be President one day.

Saul January 19, 2009 at 21:26

Ah! One of his Polo cushions.

Coco
January 19, 2009 at 21:23

Errrrrr ………. not since I gave him one of my special cushions! You will see
it in his study. It’s the one with the hole in the middle ……..

Saul January 19, 2009 at 21:18

Are you sure? Chas was telling me he had stopped using the tractor due to
his stately piles

Coco
January 19, 2009 at 21:14

Highgrove? Careful – as you drive up the long lane – really treacherous in
the rain. Chuck had to come out in his tractor last time I went over. But it
gave Camilla time to get the coffee on.

Coco
January 19, 2009 at 21:12

Just caught a snip of Big Brother.

Ben – the rather insipid and ineffectual one has just put Ulrika up for
eviction because she bollocks him for leaving the toilet-seat up – and he
doesn’t see anything wrong with that!!!

He has obviously never lived in a house with nine cats and a dog! Does he
know what toilet-cleaners and bleach-matics can do to animals if they drink
loo-water? What a stupid, ill-mannered piece of work he is. I hope he gets
invicted for being a drip!

Saul January 19, 2009 at 21:06

Me too! I was just saying to Charles and Camilla that we simply must meet
up at the weekend for some drinks.

Coco
January 19, 2009 at 20:59

Just had a call! – I can have a cushion and a rug to put over my knees. One
of the security guys has just given me a personal invitation to carry one of
his special guns in my new hand-bag as well!

I am so over the moon. I can take my own bottle of water – and he has
promised not to mention that there maybe vodka in it.

The best bit is – Eddie and Keela can sit right up-front next to me – as
long as they wear some little jackets with SECURITY written on them.

Bet you are all jealous! I will be there with Obama – making history! Like
my Dad said he did at Woodstock – but we know he didn’t – because he was
staying with his friends in Cornwall at the time – and they told me the
truth!

I quite hate people who make things up – just to make themselves sound more
interesting.

By the way – Did I ever tell you all about the night I stayed over at Frank
Sinatra’s house?

Saul January 19, 2009 at 20:29

Comes with having no cushion to sit on. Perhaps Michelle has a spare
one.

Saul January 19, 2009 at 20:09

This thread seems to have a certain Raccoonesque feel to it.

Anna Raccoon
January 19, 2009 at 20:23

Is that the same as ‘Wintourish’? I only ask because Coco appears to have
turned blue with the cold.

Elvera January 19, 2009 at 20:03

Cheers Anna,I’ll try to keep an even tension.

Elvera January 19, 2009 at 19:42

What a crochet-y thread.

Anna Raccoon
January 19, 2009 at 19:51

Ms Elvera,
Glad to make your acquaintance. Some of the cast-off
threads are quite confrontational, but you can generally spot the hole in
their argument.

Anna Raccoon
January 19, 2009 at 19:54

Ms Elvera,

You will get hooked on it before you know it.

Gloria Smudd
January 19, 2009 at 19:20

Good of you to be Fair. Isle cast off for now but hope to pick up the
pattern of conversation later.

Anna Raccoon
January 19, 2009 at 19:49

Ms Smudd,

Would you get the needles if I were to light up a fag, Just a-skein you
understand?

Saul January 19, 2009 at 19:16

I knew you would cotton on.

Gloria Smudd
January 19, 2009 at 19:14

Darn it!

Saul January 19, 2009 at 19:03

This is not a patch on the other threads..

Gloria Smudd
January 19, 2009 at 18:58

I knew you’d say that, you knit!

Saul January 19, 2009 at 18:54

That’s a pearler….

Gloria Smudd
January 19, 2009 at 18:51

You’re just spinning us a yarn. I spy a great deal of woolly thinking.
Balls, I say.

Saul January 19, 2009 at 18:40

I thought Pink was an alternative to Deep Purple.

Elvera January 19, 2009 at 18:39

I thought purple was the new pink!

Saul January 19, 2009 at 18:35

There’s sure to be a lot of needle…

Gloria Smudd
January 19, 2009 at 18:31

It’ll be pastel Pringle versus Val Doonican. It’s a Knitwear Knockout
..

Elvera January 19, 2009 at 18:24

I see Ken as a Gannex man…….wrong party of course but right style!

Coco January 19, 2009 at 18:02

Chatelaine! Stay here!

Ch January 19, 2009 at 17:21

With Posts and Comments like these, I might even get interested in British
politics …!

Coco January 19, 2009 at 16:49

Saul 01.19.09 at 1:28 pm
They

Coco January 19, 2009 at 16:47

Remember the pink jumper that Mandy arrived back at Downing St. in?

Saul January 19, 2009 at 15:09

A fumble in the jumble.

Elvera January 19, 2009 at 15:02

Cuddly Clarke v Milly Molly Mandy…a rumble in the jungle in the
offing…..who’ll promote it ? Don King or Harry Hill?

Saul January 19, 2009 at 14:53

Ken Clarke’s propensity for jumpers and cardigans has prompted, Sam the
Sham and the Pharaohs to re release their classic

Anna Raccoon
January 19, 2009 at 14:55

Jess Conrad – ‘My Cardigan’, Saul, I commend it you……..

Saul January 19, 2009 at 14:43

I think it is Peter Mandelson’s most depressing day of the year also.

Elvera January 19, 2009 at 14:35

As I have been instructed that this is my most depressing day of the
year(even my depression seems to be not under my own control)…. I am hoping to
cheer myself up with some biting wit and satire….hope you can oblige!

Gloria Smudd
January 19, 2009 at 14:30

Excellent timing for a soft-shoe (shadow-cabinet) shuffle …

Saul January 19, 2009 at 13:38

Bremner and Culshaw are salivating like two dogs in a butchers shop.

Tuscan
Tony January 19, 2009 at 13:30

One thing is for sure, this has the potential to provide high political
entertainment the likes of which haven’t been seen since the hghly diverting
Blair/Hague PMQs.

Thanks for the link BTW, reciprocated.

Saul January 19, 2009 at 13:28

They’ll be bringing Mike Yarwood back next!

Coco
January 19, 2009 at 08:51

What will Mandy and Milly have to say about this then?

Good old Kenneth! A proper bloke! A real geezer with plenty of his own hair
left.

I like a man who still knows how to bring a certain air of the comfy
old-guard into the room with him. I feel safer now that I know there are some
real politicians left. I will sleep tonight!

I simply cannot wait to watch Kenneth taking some of the wind out of
Mandy’s sails. Imagine Mandy being held in the gaze of KC?

No. Neither can I. I am looking forward to watching Mandy wriggle on the
end of KC’s blunted quips. I think somebody is going to have to go for
sound-bite lessons again!

Mandy – get your hands out of your front pockets when KC looks at you. And
stand up straight boy. KC doesn’t like casual and sloppy. And he wants
eye-contact. Have your facts and statements ready to be ripped into shreds. No
more of your going all around the houses just to get next door from now on.
Alan Duncan gave you an easy ride. Now it’s time for the ride of your
life!