Grate Expectation of Smouldering Members…
On Bonfire Night, On Bonfire Night
It’s time to set the land alight:
So load the faggots, pile the wood,
Stack the logs and stack them good!
Pile on effigies and guys
Of MPs who we all despise:
Put Mandelson and Brown up there,
With smarmy grin, put Tony Blair;
And heap the brushwood, build the pyre,
Strike the match and light that fire.
Upon each hilltop, fell, scarp, peak ‘n’
Tor we’ll light a cheery beacon
Where hated Parliamentarianism
Is met by stark incendiarism;
(Remember, Member, your offences –
We know you fiddled your expenses…)
And we’ll line up to light the torch,
To make the MPs singe and scorch,
Who’ll be first to strike the tinder
And burn each MP to a cinder?
Their tricks sent each and every peasant
Into rages incandescent;
Let’s stuff those dummies! Pile ‘em high,
Then launch them up into the sky
And laugh as all their stupid masks
Explode among the firework-sparks;
But can such jolly conflagration
Appease our bitter consternation
As we stand shoulder next to shoulder,
To watch those ‘Honorable’ Members smoulder?
The voters’ mood is clearly fervent
And keen to torch a ‘Public Servant’!
Once lit, among the fiery lumber,
Will MP Dumb and MP Dumber
Seem slightly less detestible
When proved to be combustible?
We loathe them all, across the board;
Each Member, unelected Lord,
And Baroness, all need a rocket
For stealing from the public pocket.
Shall we look on with gleeful gaze
As Ministers are set ablaze
And the tiny guy of Hazel Blears
Explodes to rounds of raucous cheers?
Shall Jacquie’s guy, stuffed all with porn,
Be left to smoulder on the lawn?
Shall Harman’s, wearing dungarees,
Stay smoking gently in the breeze?
And Jack’s, for it is stuffed with Straw,
Remain a-blazing upon the floor?
Or shall someone run to douse the flames
And shout a list of Members’ names
Who haven’t picked the public purse?
(Or anything remotely worse
Than scoffing freebie food all day
To supplement their meagre pay)
Would this list water down the spite
T’wards those who have been set alight?
Would Prescott seem less of a bag
If he had just the single Jag?
Take that clown Brown, who couldn’t risk it
And dared not name his favourite biscuit,
Is he OK because he paid
Back money used to hire a maid?
Shall we forgive those flipping gnomes
Who swapped their first and second homes?
Shall we say “Yes, we’ll pay for you
And pay much higher taxes too
As long as you can keep your moat
Weed-free so that your ducks still float.”?
Perhaps we’d better light that fire
And blue touch-paper, then retire
To somewhere safe to watch the glows
Build up until the whole thing blows
Those sorry bonfire-guys sky high
And if the real guys wonder why
We cheered as our guys blew away,
Remember, Member, Guy Fawkes’ Day,
When we commemorate a plot
To get rid of you shameful lot.
On Bonfire Night, On Bonfire Night
It’s time to set the land alight:
So load the faggots, pile the wood,
Stack the logs and stack them good!
Pile on effigies and guys
Of MPs who we all despise:
Put Mandelson and Brown up there,
With smarmy grin, put Tony Blair;
And heap the brushwood, build the pyre,
Strike the match and light that fire!
Gloria Smudd
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1
November 5, 2009 at 14:42 -
Brilliant.
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2
November 5, 2009 at 14:49 -
Damn good show, eh what?
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3
November 5, 2009 at 15:13 -
Superb. *Applauds*
D
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4
November 5, 2009 at 15:20 -
Congrats Ms Smudd.
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5
November 5, 2009 at 16:40 -
Large G&T coming your way Gloria.
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6
November 5, 2009 at 18:10 -
Wow, Glo. Seriously impressive. xx
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7
November 5, 2009 at 18:28 -
Seriously good!
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8
November 5, 2009 at 18:31 -
I think this requires, no deserves, a really good red wine to help it down…….
MPs for sale, get your MPs here, get ‘em while you can, nearly sold out, MPs for sale, make beautiful firelighters, MPs for sale….
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9
November 5, 2009 at 20:00 -
Excellent! I love it.
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10
November 5, 2009 at 21:06 -
Whizz! Bang! Pop! Kaboom! Wheeeee! Fizz! Crackle!
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11
November 5, 2009 at 21:16 -
Gloria
evocative or what? wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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12
November 5, 2009 at 21:24 -
Kapow! Boom! Pfffffffft!
(toffee-apple anyone?) -
13
November 5, 2009 at 21:33 -
Oh bugger! When you least expect it
You find a rhyme for pyrotechnic.Grr.
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14
November 5, 2009 at 21:57 -
Smudd, you are the gnat’s kneecaps as any fule kno and as all right stinking people will atest!
pyrotechnic? – multi-ethnic
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15
November 6, 2009 at 00:09 -
Nadgers – it’s only a beauty spot if you think it’s more than your Molesworth.
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16
November 6, 2009 at 02:36 -
Mulberry bush aside, would a monkey really chase a weasel?
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17
November 6, 2009 at 10:11 -
Seriously good. I will be bringing it out every November 5th. Thanks, JD.
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18
November 6, 2009 at 14:40 -
I’m afraid this is going to be the last topic until Ms Raccoon (who sends her regards, btw) drags herself away from Versailles and gets home again tomorrow night, so I apologise and ask for your patience and understanding until normal Raccoon service is resumed.
Meanwhile, I am battling with huge vats of lamb bhuna, sag aloo, chilli con carne, Thai green curry and trays of cheesy/bacony potato skins in readiness for tonight’s bonfire and firework do; have you seen the weather forecast????? We’re catering for about 50 and I should think about 9 will turn up in the torrential rain and howling gales. Talk about damp squib! Grrrrr…….
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19
November 6, 2009 at 14:52 -
A bonfire is too good for them. We should use napalm instead as it will stick to their skin and they will each die in uncontrollable agony. Can I be the one who burns the bitch Harman????
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20
November 6, 2009 at 23:08 -
Cheered me up no end. Excellent stuff!
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21
November 7, 2009 at 00:08 -
Ooh Aah Gloria !
Brilliant. -
22
November 7, 2009 at 15:36 -
Well done, we could do with some writers of this calibre at Helium.com
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23
November 7, 2009 at 16:46 -
Bravo bravo…..G……….L…….O……….R……I…….A….Gloria!
Now that’s enough of this fulsome praise, some of us are getting jealous…..
yesterday man x
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24
November 7, 2009 at 18:53 -
:blush:
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }