Martin Porter QC, Champion of the ‘vulnerable’.

There is a presumption amongst the guerrilla army of neo-Marxist, Guardian reading, sanctimonious commuters known as cyclists that the only motor driven vehicle they should be forced to share our roads with is State owned.

Livingstone’s Bendy buses, running to a bureaucratically decided route and timetable are OK, but those owned by freewheeling, road tax paying capitalists should be crushed in a government scrap yard.

In their luminous jackets, lycra far-too-shorts, and coal scuttle helmets, they weave self righteously in front of irate motorists, joyously reducing the traffic to a snail’s pace, hurling blistering comments on the parentage of motorists over their left shoulder.

Should the motorised traffic finally come to a standstill, one of those inconveniences that only affect the petrol powered, traffic lights at red for instance, they rear up like the Lone Ranger on Silver and mount the pavement, take off the wrong way down a one-way street, or scrape their way down the inside of your 4 x 4.

Woe betide the motorist who dares to suggest that something might be amiss with their own parentage, or offer suggestions as to how their life might be prematurely shortened. All is not fair between Porsche and Pedal power.

Especially when that Pedal Power turns out to be a humourless barrister on two wheels.

Pedal Power, in the form of Martin Porter QC, having successfully held up motorist Scott Lomas on the A315 near Hounslow for some miles, was apparently ‘harassed, alarmed and distressed’ when Mr Lomas leant out of his car window and said ‘do that again and I will *ucking kill you’. You can imagine how such language would ‘alarm and distress’ a barrister with some ten years experience of working with those on the wrong side of the law.

Pausing only to have a fit of the eco-fanatical vapours, (and probably a quick swig of tofu flavoured yogurt) Martin Porter QC checked that the web camera fitted in his helmet had been working and hurried down to the local police station to demand that Mr Lomas was charged with ‘using threatening words or behaviour’.

Unfortunately he was attended upon by a sane policeman who declined to take the matter any further.

Undaunted, Porter complained directly to the Crown Prosecution Service.

“I am pleased justice has now been done and that the Crown Prosecution Service had the moral fibre to reverse the Metropolitan Police’s attempts to drop this case notwithstanding the strength of the evidence.”

Who would have suspected that it required moral fibre to persecute prosecute motorists?

A helping hand from a fellow member of the Cycling Mafia does no harm it transpires.

“I emphasise that this case would have got nowhere if it had not eventually landed on the desk of a Crown Prosecutor highly endowed with both integrity and competence. I am grateful to prosecuting counsel (a cyclist it transpires!) who dealt with the case today both efficiently and courteously.”

Treacley words Mr Porter!

The price to Mr Lomas of venting his feelings about being held up by our Lycra clad barrister?

A stonking total of 565.00. That’s on top of the road tax he pays to maintain the road that Porter believes should belong to him and his fellow *rick cyclists alone.

Ah, diddums, Mr Porter, did the big bad motorist say some naughty words?

In case anyone thinks I am being unnecessarily harsh on the eco-loons on wheels, I would just point out that even the largest cycling charity, London Cycling Campaign, has back-pedaled away from involvement with some of the highly politicised multi-spoked Marxists that infest our streets, calling their tactics ‘too forceful’. Recently, 80 of the little cross-bar fanatics blocked the rush hour traffic at King’s Cross for an hour, cycling in circles ‘and tinkling their bells’ (sweet) to mark the death of one of their number and demand yet more motorists be forced off the road in retribution.