Watching âWolf Hallâ this week, I was reminded of how Thomas Cromwell settled a few old scores when inventing evidence to condemn the luckless Anne Boleyn to a date with the executioner. He trawled through a list
Continue reading →The Sunday Post: A Confirmed Bachelor Boy
Confessions of a Crying Wolf
Confess! Confess! Confess! Hell, the Spanish Inquisition would have a far easier time of it today; back in the fifteenth century, they had to torture in order to grind out confessions; these days, people are queuing up
Continue reading →The Sunday Post: Eye Weren’t Even There, Guv!
Richard Ingrams once described Peter Cook as a conservative anarchist. The one-time editor of âPrivate Eyeâ also regarded himself as such; itâs a canny label that expertly summarises the curious contradiction inherent within those sons of the
Continue reading →Cammin’ over ‘ere – Takin’ our Mansions!
Mayfair â a cosseted corner of England preserved in Edwardian amber, national exposure to which is guaranteed to bring out the worst inverted snobbery and chip-on-the-shoulder socialism of anyone from a working-class background. Who cares about these
Continue reading →Don’t Read All About It
Peter Oborne is not someone whose every word I either hang onto or agree with; but every now and again the recently resigned Chief Political Commentator of the Daily Telegraph, associate-editor of The Spectator, and occasional TV presenter makes a
Continue reading →Playing the Race (Music) Card
In âAll You Need is Cashâ, Eric Idleâs 1978 spoof documentary on his spoof Beatles, The Rutles, thereâs a scene in which Idle as an inept interviewer grills a veteran bluesman called Ruttling Orange Peel; Mr Peel claims
Continue reading →The Cruel Sea
Hard to imagine such a scenario as you rest your flabby western butt on a comfy sofa and tear your hair out because you canât find the latest must-see series as recommended by The Guardian on Netflix,
Continue reading →Sorry Seems To Be The Easiest Word
In the past few weeks, a proposal has been aired by several prominent public figures to âbegin a discussion about pardoning all the men, alive or deceased, who like Alan Turing were convicted under the UKâs Gross
Continue reading →Someone’s Looking at You
Zirndorf is a seemingly nondescript German village on the outskirts of Nuremberg; in the foreboding shadow of a city that owes its location on the map of European history to grandiose public pronouncements of Aryan supremacy, Zirndorf is probably
Continue reading →Wilde Thing
It may sometimes seem like we are living through an age of finger-pointing paranoia unprecedented since the Taliban-esque era of the post-Civil War Puritans; but we have been here more recently, and a couple of centuries closer
Continue reading →The Man with the Child in His Eyes
A little girl kisses a melancholy man â the kind of sugary, sentimental image so beloved of the Victorian bourgeoisie and a variation on a theme that clings to the coat-tails of the twenty-first century as a nauseating mainstay
Continue reading →I Think, Therefore I Am (A Pervert)
Everyone reading this will have at some time been guilty of an occasional âunnatural sexual proclivityâ. Donât try and deny it, you dirty sods. You got away with it, as well. How do you sleep at night,
Continue reading →The Sunday Post: Land of Hope and Stories
Memories of how the world appeared when our eyes first looked out on it tend to form enduring impressions so that each change to this original template, whether the dress sense of pedestrians, the design of cars
Continue reading →When Yes Means No
A Victorian man denied his conjugal rights by his Victorian wife finally snaps and takes possession of his property in a manner the law tells him he is perfectly entitled to. From her perspective, it is not
Continue reading →Turn Left at Athens
Something of significance happened in Greece this week, an event that marked the end of an era, the passing of an age and a sign of the times. Demis Roussos died. One hopes the singing tent, who so
Continue reading →Let There Be Light
It could easily be dismissed as a cinematic myth, but Iâm pretty damn sure itâs true that early Hollywood westerns simplified the distinction between hero and villain by cladding the good guys in light colours and the bad
Continue reading →For All Its Faults…
A detailed description of what happens when a man minding his own business collides with an Israeli air-strike in Gaza can paint remarkable pictures in the mind of the listener. I was exposed to just such a
Continue reading →Victoria’s Daughters and the Fine Line of Time
Many might think the complete and definitive history of the Victorian age has already been written; after all, there have been plenty of books and television documentaries filling the shelves and schedules since the old Queen died
Continue reading →I Know Thee Not, Old Man
Mothers and daughters, fathers and sons; if there happens to be any long-term tension within the family unit, more often than not the tension arises from strained relations between two males or two females. It becomes especially
Continue reading →What the Papers Said
Who can forget it? I certainly canât. It was one of those unique moments that only happen once in a lifetime, moments in which time stands still and collective jaws hit the floor. The year was
Grecian 2000 (and 15)
One or two female friends of mine who are around the same age as me are feeling rather…erm…let’s just say, queasy at the moment; they canât get a good nightâs sleep; they canât maintain their concentration
Odd Men Out
I was reminded of these devastating descriptions of the attributes that constitute a killer whilst
Continue reading →When is a Town not a Town?
Okay, so weâve done politics, weâve done religion and weâve done sex â our landlady has tossed many a hot potato into the Raccoon Arms debating circle over the past few years and has left the
Another Country
Whilst some of you reading this will probably be nursing and cursing a bit of a hangover tomorrow, those amongst us who harbour a curiosity about political history tend to find the most anticipated aspect of a New Year to
The Sunday Post: A Lost Lexicon of England
Arising out of an email exchange around a couple of months ago, this first ‘collaborative piece’ between our esteemed albeit semi-retired landlady and her heir lists 100 misplaced words. They’re in no particular order and are either ones you either don’t
London Town is Falling Down
Doctor Samuel Johnson once provided a characteristically vivid description of some of the rather more…erm…slapdash construction work in London, painting a portrait of streets where âfalling houses thunder on your headâ, reflecting the fact that it was not
Wake Me Up on May 7
QUESTION: When is a government not an effective vehicle for getting things done? ANSWER: When it is locked in a fixed five-year term.
The absence of flexibility in the American Presidential system means either death or
Continue reading →Criminal History
Clair Tiltman was a 16-year-old schoolgirl who had a close encounter with an older man over twenty years ago, one that resulted in a conviction for that man yesterday. If you think you know where Iâm
Mother and Child Reunion
A century on from the Suffragettes and almost half-a-century on from the second wave of feminism that proved so problematic for the brassiere industry, one would have imagined womanhood had progressed way beyond two archetypes that
Credit Where Credit’s Due
My name is Petunia Winegum and Iâve never had a debt in my life. One of those statements is true, and as this essay is not about nom-de-plumes, I take it you can guess which one.