A floundering leader I — A thing of i-sol-ation, Of ballots, songs and banners, And dreary Labour lies! My manifesto’s long, Through every passion ranging, And to your votesContinue reading →
A floundering leader I…
A floundering leader I — A thing of i-sol-ation, Of ballots, songs and banners, And dreary Labour lies! My manifesto’s long, Through every passion ranging, And to your votesContinue reading →
The Salmond and the Darling.
The Salmond and the Darling
Were watching through the night;
They cheered like anything to see
Such quantities of votes:
“So long as this were going our way”
They said, “it would be grand!”
“O Voters, come andContinue reading →
Were watching through the night;
They cheered like anything to see
Such quantities of votes:
“So long as this were going our way”
They said, “it would be grand!”
“O Voters, come andContinue reading →
I am the very model of the Paedo-finder General.
I am the very model of the Paedo-finder General,
I love investigating celebrities, and I’m chastely puritanical,
I twat on Twitter and with privacy I’m economical;
I’ve learned to speak at conferences, colloquia and seminars
Continue reading →
The Miller's Tale (with apologies to Chaucer!)
For Huhne, the Pryce of Justice.
When you’re caught in speeding car
Makes no difference who you are
If she takes your points, she gains
A hold on you.
Later when you dash her dreams
You’ll regret your foolish schemes
When you cheat you’ll come unstuck
As schemers do.
Fate’s unkind
She brings to
I am the very model of the Paedo-finder General.
I’m investigating celebrities, and I’m chastely puritanical,
I twat on Twitter and with privacy I’m economical;
I’ve learned to speak at conferences, colloquia and seminars
I’ve even sent impassioned pleas to European commissars
I neverContinue reading →
Whine on, you crazy Diamond!
The sun shone from your bum
Whine on, you crazy Diamond !
Now there’s a look in your eyes
Like you’ve seen your last rise
Whine on, you crazy Diamond !
Continue reading →
Luck of the Draw
Given the proportion of our species living in poverty
Relative to that which lives comfortably
Given the sheer scale of deprivation across the globe
It was as likely,
It Could be Argued
Habermas said: due to the 20th century expansion
Of state bureaucracy
The “lifeworld”
In which we live our personal and private lives
Has been increasingly colonised by an alien
The Philosophy of Post-Ideology (Part 2)
I strive to legitimise the proactive use of common sense
To no one theory should we have any adherence
There’s not just one problem on which we should be focusing
Nor a single strategy that we should be pursuing
In lieu of
The Philosophy of Post-Ideology
Ditch Socialism as a political ideology
And Capitalism as a political ideology
If nobody can agree on what these things mean
Then implementing them is no more than a dream
If we
Renaissance Man
To be a renaissance man
Specifically, this requires you to look at life holistically
A polymath grafts to view no graph in isolation
A zoologist philosopher like Kropotkin in northern Asia
Yearning
Renegade Criminologist
Rehabilitation and its discontents
This penal largesse simply makes no sense in any context
A flawless denial of the mainstream consciousness
On top of this, I am unable to resist the chance
A policeman’s lot is not a rhyming one…
Or writing up his pension plan
His capacity for spouting doggerel
Should be just as good as any other man
His desire to rest he must smother
Continue reading →
Keeping all options on the table
As you know, Dr. Ahmadinejad
The pleas of the anti-war majority in the West, here
Have consistently fallen on deaf ears
“Why bring war when Iran is asking for peace?” we pry
Continue reading →
Mistakes are high
If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
Then calamity is clearly what these guys are all about
It doesn’t make you a Luddite to
Conflict of Interest
In the NHS, we face a conflict of interest
No pilot studies from a market fundamentalist
Losing all the benefits of aggregate demand to the invisible hand
At least one company can’t procure and provide at the same time
Oh wait, they can
Don’t be
Friday Limerick Competition
The too-Coldingham Turbine…
Though a turbine to some may seem pleasing
When it’s blowing quite briskly or breezing,
In the winter’s deep chill
When the air is quite still
They need heaters to keep them from freezing.
If
Continue reading →“Six Weeks to Save the Eurozone” – Osborne
Try to dismember Greek debt by November
That ton of cash they begged and borrowed
Serial offender, they’ve been on a bender
They spent like there was no tomorrow
Tried to pretend they could endlessly fend off
The austerity which must surely follow
But in
Continue reading →Prescott Doggerel.
It’s an iniquitous thing to be
A two-Jag own-ing Labour man like me,
(Chauffer-driven 20 yards in case of showers)
While the Red Flag flies aloft at Prescott Towers!
Such a notorious bloke as me
Deserves to get his toilet-seats for free
After breaking oneContinue reading →
In the Land of the Rising Scum
I’ve torched a shop in Croydon Town,
Its trading days are done,
Its flames have set the sky alight
And I’m famous in The Sun.
So don’t call me a failure,
Admire my nicked blue jeans,
My iPads, phones and trainers, Man,
And five new plasma
Simple Pieman
Simple Pieman met a newsman,
Following a dare,
Says Simple Pieman to the newsman,
For your views, I do not care.
Says the newsman to Simple Pieman,
Allow my wife to show you how;
To land a pretty punch,
– and on the floor you cower.
Simple
Continue reading →The Ballard of Elliot Morley
With apologies to the Beatles
Elliot Morley
Pays off his mortgage and pockets a cool sixteen grand
All cash in hand;
‘Sloppy accounting’,
All a mistake and there’s nobody else he can blame,
Oh, what a shame!
All the crooked people,
Where do they
To his Oh-so-Coy Mistress …
To print our names would be a crime;
Our lawyers would devise a way
To keep the media at bay.
Super-injunctions fit the bill
When Continue reading →
Oh! Mr Porter!
Oh! Mr. Porter, whatever will you do?
You want to stand as President,
And now they’re bullying you!
Tell me who to vote for as quickly as you can,
Oh! Mr. Porter, what a silly girl I am!
I joined the student union, just
Continue reading →Rupert Regrets …
Who wants to spend a year in gaol ?
Who wants their bid for Sky to fail ?
Who wants the bother of a big public fuss ?
A big public fuss is no good for us !
Who wants bad headlines ev’ry
Continue reading →The Plumber’s Tale.
My aim in life when growing up was to learn a trade,
A bricklayer or a plumber that would have me made,
I wanted all the trappings my earnings would then bring,
A lovely wife and children, a home whereContinue reading →
A bricklayer or a plumber that would have me made,
I wanted all the trappings my earnings would then bring,
A lovely wife and children, a home whereContinue reading →
Ode to Obo.
Close bosom-friend of the Libertarian;
Conspiring with him how to groan and cuss
With venom, the parliamentarians that circles round us run;
To joust with argument aplenty,
And fillContinue reading →
Now Let Us Sing…
Poor Polly – betrayed again!
There’s a one-eyed yellow Scotsman of a dour and sullen hue
There’s a stench of pious bullshit all around
There’s a broken-heated woman dreams of socialism true
And the yellow Scot forever lets her down
He was known as Red McBroon, and he
Continue reading →