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Category Archives: Political Poetry

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A floundering leader I…

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on August 14, 2016

(Corby-Poo:)
A floundering leader I — A thing of i-sol-ation, Of ballots, songs and banners, And dreary Labour lies! My manifesto’s long, Through every passion ranging, And to your votes

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The Salmond and the Darling.

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on September 19, 2014

The Salmond and the Darling
Were watching through the night;
They cheered like anything to see
Such quantities of votes:
“So long as this were going our way”
They said, “it would be grand!”
 
“O Voters, come and

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I am the very model of the Paedo-finder General.

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on June 6, 2014

I am the very model of the Paedo-finder General,

I love investigating celebrities, and I’m chastely puritanical,

I twat on Twitter and with privacy I’m economical;

I’ve learned to speak at conferences, colloquia and seminars

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The Miller's Tale (with apologies to Chaucer!)

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on April 7, 2014

            “Now herkneth,” quod the Millere, “alle and some”! But shorte I make an apoligacion That I am breiv; I knowe it

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For Huhne, the Pryce of Justice.

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Nick Drew on March 19, 2013

When you’re caught in speeding car
Makes no difference who you are
If she takes your points, she gains
A hold on you.

Later when you dash her dreams
You’ll regret your foolish schemes
When you cheat you’ll come unstuck
As schemers do.

Fate’s unkind
She brings to

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I am the very model of the Paedo-finder General.

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on January 3, 2013

I am the very model of the Paedo-finder General,
I’m investigating celebrities, and I’m chastely puritanical,
I twat on Twitter and with privacy I’m economical;
I’ve learned to speak at conferences, colloquia and seminars
I’ve even sent impassioned pleas to European commissars
I never

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Whine on, you crazy Diamond!

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Nick Drew on July 6, 2012

Recall when Lehman’s got done ?
The sun shone from your bum
Whine on, you crazy Diamond !
Now there’s a look in your eyes
Like you’ve seen your last rise
Whine on, you crazy Diamond !

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Luck of the Draw

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Criminonymous on June 3, 2012

Given the proportion of our species living in poverty
Relative to that which lives comfortably
Given the sheer scale of deprivation across the globe
It was as likely,

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It Could be Argued

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Criminonymous on May 27, 2012

Habermas said: due to the 20th century expansion
Of state bureaucracy
The “lifeworld”
In which we live our personal and private lives
Has been increasingly colonised by an alien

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The Philosophy of Post-Ideology (Part 2)

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Criminonymous on May 4, 2012

I strive to legitimise the proactive use of common sense
To no one theory should we have any adherence
There’s not just one problem on which we should be focusing
Nor a single strategy that we should be pursuing
In lieu of

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The Philosophy of Post-Ideology

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Criminonymous on April 27, 2012

Ditch Socialism as a political ideology
And Capitalism as a political ideology
If nobody can agree on what these things mean
Then implementing them is no more than a dream
If we

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Renaissance Man

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Criminonymous on April 6, 2012

To be a renaissance man
Specifically, this requires you to look at life holistically
A polymath grafts to view no graph in isolation
A zoologist philosopher like Kropotkin in northern Asia
Yearning

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Renegade Criminologist

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Criminonymous on April 3, 2012

Rehabilitation and its discontents
This penal largesse simply makes no sense in any context
A flawless denial of the mainstream consciousness
On top of this, I am unable to resist the chance

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A policeman’s lot is not a rhyming one…

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on February 19, 2012

When a Rozzer’s not engaged in his employment
Or writing up his pension plan
His capacity for spouting doggerel
Should be just as good as any other man
His desire to rest he must smother
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Keeping all options on the table

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Criminonymous on February 18, 2012

As you know, Dr. Ahmadinejad
The pleas of the anti-war majority in the West, here
Have consistently fallen on deaf ears
“Why bring war when Iran is asking for peace?” we pry
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Mistakes are high

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Criminonymous on February 4, 2012

If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
Then calamity is clearly what these guys are all about
It doesn’t make you a Luddite to

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Conflict of Interest

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Guest on January 28, 2012

In the NHS, we face a conflict of interest
No pilot studies from a market fundamentalist
Losing all the benefits of aggregate demand to the invisible hand
At least one company can’t procure and provide at the same time
Oh wait, they can
Don’t be

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Friday Limerick Competition

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on December 9, 2011

The too-Coldingham Turbine…

Though a turbine to some may seem pleasing
When it’s blowing quite briskly or breezing,
In the winter’s deep chill
When the air is quite still
They need heaters to keep them from freezing.

If

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“Six Weeks to Save the Eurozone” – Osborne

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Nick Drew on October 2, 2011

Try to dismember Greek debt by November

That ton of cash they begged and borrowed

Serial offender, they’ve been on a bender

They spent like there was no tomorrow

Tried to pretend they could endlessly fend off

The austerity which must surely follow

But in

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Prescott Doggerel.

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Gloria Smudd on September 18, 2011

It’s an iniquitous thing to be

A two-Jag own-ing Labour man like me,

(Chauffer-driven 20 yards in case of showers)

While the Red Flag flies aloft at Prescott Towers!

Such a notorious bloke as me

Deserves to get his toilet-seats for free

After breaking one

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In the Land of the Rising Scum

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Gloria Smudd on August 22, 2011

I’ve torched a shop in Croydon Town,
Its trading days are done,
Its flames have set the sky alight
And I’m famous in The Sun.

So don’t call me a failure,
Admire my nicked blue jeans,
My iPads, phones and trainers, Man,
And five new plasma

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Simple Pieman

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on August 3, 2011

Simple Pieman met a newsman,
Following a dare,
Says Simple Pieman to the newsman,
For your views, I do not care.

Says the newsman to Simple Pieman,
Allow my wife to show you how;
To land a pretty punch,
– and on the floor you cower.

Simple

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The Ballard of Elliot Morley

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on May 27, 2011

With apologies to the Beatles

Elliot Morley
Pays off his mortgage and pockets a cool sixteen grand
All cash in hand;
‘Sloppy accounting’,
All a mistake and there’s nobody else he can blame,
Oh, what a shame!

All the crooked people,
Where do they

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To his Oh-so-Coy Mistress …

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Nick Drew on April 28, 2011

Had we but cash enough, and time,
To print our names would be a crime;
Our lawyers would devise a way
To keep the media at bay.
Super-injunctions fit the bill
When

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Oh! Mr Porter!

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on February 21, 2011

Oh! Mr. Porter, whatever will you do?
You want to stand as President,
And now they’re bullying you!
Tell me who to vote for as quickly as you can,
Oh! Mr. Porter, what a silly girl I am!

I joined the student union, just

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Rupert Regrets …

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Nick Drew on January 27, 2011

Who wants to spend a year in gaol ?

Who wants their bid for Sky to fail ?

Who wants the bother of a big public fuss ?

A big public fuss is no good for us !

Who wants bad headlines ev’ry

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The Plumber’s Tale.

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Brimar on November 24, 2010

My aim in life when growing up was to learn a trade,
A bricklayer or a plumber that would have me made,
I wanted all the trappings my earnings would then bring,
A lovely wife and children, a home where

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Ode to Obo.

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on September 24, 2010

Monarch of red mists and foul invectiveness!
Close bosom-friend of the Libertarian;
Conspiring with him how to groan and cuss
With venom, the parliamentarians that circles round us run;
To joust with argument aplenty,
And fill

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Now Let Us Sing…

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on September 12, 2010

All people that in Britain dwell, Sing for me with cheerful voice. The Pope is nearly here, my plans develop well; Come ye before me and rejoice. You faithful servants of my

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Poor Polly – betrayed again!

The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Nick Drew on September 2, 2010

There’s a one-eyed yellow Scotsman of a dour and sullen hue
There’s a stench of pious bullshit all around
There’s a broken-heated woman dreams of socialism true
And the yellow Scot forever lets her down

He was known as Red McBroon, and he

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