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Political Poetry

A floundering leader I…

(Corby-Poo:) A floundering leader I — A thing of i-sol-ation, Of ballots, songs and banners, And dreary Labour lies! My manifesto’s long, Through every passion ranging, And to your votes a changing I tune my supple song! I tune my supple song! Are you in sentimental mood? I’ll sigh with you, Oh, sorrow, sorrow! On Blairites [...]

The Salmond and the Darling.

The Salmond and the Darling Were watching through the night; They cheered like anything to see Such quantities of votes: “So long as this were going our way” They said, “it would be grand!”   “O Voters, come and vote for Yes!” The Salmond did beseech. “An increased dole, no need to work, Life will [...]

I am the very model of the Paedo-finder General.

I am the very model of the Paedo-finder General, I love investigating celebrities, and I’m chastely puritanical, I twat on Twitter and with privacy I’m economical; I’ve learned to speak at conferences, colloquia and seminars I’ve even sent impassioned pleas to European commissars I never miss a tv slot because it’s free publicity I cough, [...]

The Miller’s Tale (with apologies to Chaucer!)

“Now herkneth,” quod the Millere, “alle and some”! But shorte I make an apoligacion That I am breiv; I knowe it by my soun. And therfore if that I mysspeke or seye, Wyte it the Speakere of the House, I you preye. For I wol telle a legende and a lyf Bothe of my fathere [...]

For Huhne, the Pryce of Justice.

When you’re caught in speeding car Makes no difference who you are If she takes your points, she gains A hold on you. Later when you dash her dreams You’ll regret your foolish schemes When you cheat you’ll come unstuck As schemers do. Fate’s unkind She brings to those who cheat The just fulfillment of [...]

Conflict of Interest

In the NHS, we face a conflict of interest No pilot studies from a market fundamentalist Losing all the benefits of aggregate demand to the invisible hand At least one company can’t procure and provide at the same time Oh wait, they can Don’t be surprised by the quality of fake hips Competition reminiscent of [...]

Friday Limerick Competition

The too-Coldingham Turbine… Though a turbine to some may seem pleasing When it’s blowing quite briskly or breezing, In the winter’s deep chill When the air is quite still They need heaters to keep them from freezing. If to own them you still do aspire As the subsidies mount ever-higher, You should know that a [...]

“Six Weeks to Save the Eurozone” – Osborne

Try to dismember Greek debt by November That ton of cash they begged and borrowed Serial offender, they’ve been on a bender They spent like there was no tomorrow Tried to pretend they could endlessly fend off The austerity which must surely follow But in the end, ah, it’s something they’ll just have to swallow [...]

Prescott Doggerel.

It’s an iniquitous thing to be A two-Jag own-ing Labour man like me, (Chauffer-driven 20 yards in case of showers) While the Red Flag flies aloft at Prescott Towers! Such a notorious bloke as me Deserves to get his toilet-seats for free After breaking one or two at Prescott Towers While sitting on the lavat’ry [...]

In the Land of the Rising Scum

I’ve torched a shop in Croydon Town, Its trading days are done, Its flames have set the sky alight And I’m famous in The Sun. So don’t call me a failure, Admire my nicked blue jeans, My iPads, phones and trainers, Man, And five new plasma screens. The only thing a looter needs Is a [...]